(I tried to give this post an optimistic title.)

Giuliana Rancic—who was diagnosed with breast cancer in mid-October—finally went through with it Tuesday evening. That’s right: she had a double mastectomy.

Rancic underwent a double lumpectomy in October, but the surgery wasn’t completely successful. Ugh, I can’t imagine the grief of making that kind of decision. (On the bright side, she apparently opted for reconstructive surgery, so maybe we’ll see her with an amped-up chest soon. Yay!)

Rancic has remained all smiles and was, according to husband Bill, “cracking jokes” soon after the surgery.

E! reports:

“G is doing really well,” Bill exclusively tells E! News. “Her surgery lasted about four hours and the doctors were very pleased with the result.”

Man. Giuliana is one tough cookie.

Thank goodness, right? Because there was a good chance that she wouldn’t. If you’ll remember, Lindsay missed her plane back to L.A. after she lost her expensive purse filled with money and important documents in Hawaii. She was supposed to be on Ellen to debut that Playboy cover that we’ve all already seen, but in an unsurprising display of unprofessionalism, she didn’t make it. My money (but not my $10,000 in my $5,000 purse) was on Lindsay missing her court date today as well, but I was wrong. Lindsay did show up to court, and you know what? She’s actually doing a good job!

“You’re doing well,” Judge Stephanie Sautner told next month’s Playboy cover model, who appeared to court on time wearing a beige sweater and matching slacks. “I’d like to see it continue.”

Lohan, 25, who returned to L.A. after a Hawaiian getaway, must complete another 12 days of duty at the morgue and three therapy sessions by her next court date of Jan. 17.

“She has been the perfect guest,” L.A. Coroner Chief Craig Harvey told PEOPLE. “She’s been very low-key and she seems to enjoy the program here.”

Did Lindsay get a drug test when she got back from Hawaii? Because you can’t tell me that girl is clean after the shenanigans that went down over the weekend. Also, what do we think about her ensemble? She’s been doing so much better with her court attire lately, hasn’t she?

Is there a girl in the room who didn’t want to be Anna Chlumsky in the early nineties present? If so, I’m calling you out right now: you’re either a liar, or you have no idea who she is. And if you have no idea who she is, that’s no excuse, either. We live in a modern society of instant f-cking gratification. Get your ass to Blockbuster or Red Box or Netflix or something and FIND My Girl. You’ll get to relive your pre-adolescence all over again, and what’s better than that, huh?

I’ll tell you what’s better: seeing Anna Chlumsky after all of these years, totally looking how Vada Sultenfuss would look if she were a real person. It’s just too bad, now, that Macaulay Culkin is such a drug-addled, porn-star-crack-sniffing freakshow – a pair-up would be pure bliss otherwise.

Seriously, right? Is she supposed to not Tweet her moroseness ’til this whole thing blows over?

Honestly, though, I hear her. People are seriously snarking out over the fact that she hasn’t changed her handle from MrsKutcher to, what … I don’t even know. AngryLadyWithTooMuchBodilyPlastic or something? The ink on the preliminary divorce decree probably hasn’t even dried yet, and yet her followers think that her Twitter name is a priority right now.

Come on. We’re talking a mature, mature woman here. Who does age-appropriate stuff and does not bother with the childishness that ensues on Twitter. It’s not like she’s Courtney Stodden, who, if divorced, would change her handle to HollywoodStarDownToF*ck as soon as the door hit boyfriend in the ass, you feel me?

No, they’re not! I’m completely kidding. I mean, she’d probably look OK if she put on, say, thirty pounds, but she’s swimming in those bell-bottomed pants (are those even in anymore? I’ve spent so much time in yoga pants and sweatpants that I just don’t even know fashion anymore), and the … wait, are those the same pants from 5-7-9 that I had to buy when I worked as a cashier at a grocery store in high school?

Ha, no way. You know they don’t sell size -.01244 at stores like 5-7-9. Come on now.

Lindsay Lohan BAILED. [The Superficial]

Is this the hottest Leonardo DiCaprio‘s been in a decade? [Lainey Gossip]

What A-list actor’s new movie is a complete bomb? [Starpulse]

Verne Troyer goes bowling with a ball three times the size of his head. [TMZ]

Celebrity Bikini Bodies: GUESS WHO. [Socialite Life]

What Tina Turner looks like today. [Seriously OMG]

Check out Kelly Clarkson‘s new thang. [theBERRY]

Guy Ritchie wasted, embarrassing. [Celebslam]

20 Reasons Why Dogs Hate the Holidays. [The Frisky]

The 10 Least (and 5 Most) Surprising Registered Celebrity Republicans. [Pajiba]

Jennifer Aniston‘s rep claims she’s pregnant with triplets. [Cele|bitchy]

Karina Smirnoff wrecked her face. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Unbelievable new Dark Knight Rises details. [Huff Po]

The gift that Derek Jeter gives to all of his one-night stands. [Hollywood Dame]

Final thoughts on the Boardwalk Empire finale. [Lainey Gossip]