In Playboy, you guys. 50 Cent is really sad that he didn’t get to see Lindsay Lohan‘s genitals in Playboy. He never really specified that last part, but since Lindsay’s Playboy spread is pretty much the only place her vagina hasn’t been, I’m going to go ahead and fill that in for him.

Here’s 50 wondering about “Lindsay’s cooch”:

“I haven’t seen it. But I always wondered what Lindsay’s cooch looked like. Ever thought about it? I’ll check it out and see what happens.”

And here’s 50 theorizing on whether or not Lindsay is a stripper now:

“$1 million to pose nude is the same thing strippers do almost every day for way less. If they give you a million dollars, does that change the status of what you’ve done? If I pay a 100 dollars to see a cooch is it the same thing as paying a million dollars when you’re a movie star or celebrity? The same transaction? Or is it socially different? Does it register different because of how much?”

You know, 50 Cent, I can’t really answer that, and at this point, I’m not sure if it’s because I need to consider it more or if it’s because your continued use of the word “cooch” grosses me out.

What do you guys think? Do you want to hear more of 50′s philosophical thoughts? Is Lindsay’s Playboy extravaganza just high dollar stripping? Does the word “cooch” make you feel uncomfortable too?

You guys know I just don’t call someone out for a blind item unless I have a pretty good reason to believe I’m right. And this is one of those times:

She was brought in from outside the United States. She only speaks Spanish (or Portuguese?), and has a child who is approximately Kindergarten age. She is fairly attractive, looks like she is in her late twenties, and has thick, dark brown hair and medium-colored skin. You probably wouldn’t notice her if she was walking down the street. However, it doesn’t really matter what she looks like, as she is simply the Surrogate for a baby that is a genetic combination of the soon-to-be Mom and Dad.

The Surrogate is currently living on the Lower West Side of Manhattan with her first child in a very nice apartment. She is not married, and does not really know anyone in New York, but she does want to stay here once the birth is over.  The apartment is being paid for by the Couple. The Surrogate is well-cared for by a full-time staff person and there is always a doctor or nurse on call. She looks like she is approximately eight months pregnant, and is clearly much bigger than the Mom, who is simply playing pregnant.

By the way, the Mom was physically capable of bearing her own child, but she didn’t want to “ruin” her body.

Beyonce, honey, look. I think it’s pretty safe to say that the game is over. It’s ok if you fibbed a little, just tell us, all right? We won’t be mad. You won’t get in trouble. Just tell the truth from now on, all right?

Now here’s a little something to make you feel better:

Can you guys believe that it’s only ten days until Christmas? Because I can’t. I’ve only made cookies once this holiday season. I haven’t gotten a topper for my Christmas tree yet, which is especially tragic because this will be my first time having a Christmas tree in like six years. I haven’t even gotten anyone’s Christmas presents yet, which wouldn’t be such a big deal if this wasn’t my little guinea pig’s first Christmas. I feel like the worst, you guys. But nothing makes me feel as bad as knowing that I have no idea what to get Taylor Swift.

A little help, girl?

Her own holiday wish list is a bit simpler: it includes a pasta maker, antique picture frames and “anything from Free People or Anthropologie,” she shares. She has big holiday hopes for her fans, too. “I hope that they’re happy, wherever they are … [that] they feel loved by the people around them,” she shares. “And most of all I hope they feel appreciated by me. My life would look nothing like this without them.”

Ugh, Taylor, whatever.  I tell you, I was thisclose to Googling good pasta makers, but now you’re off the list. You know why? Because I don’t really like you, and also pasta makers cost like $35 at Target. Why would I spend that much on you when I have a little guinea pig to think about? Selfish, Taylor. You’re just being selfish.

Jennifer Love Hewitt learned how to be a bitch. [The Superficial]

Clint Eastwood’s daughter is ungodly hot. [Lainey Gossip]

Howard Stern is picked up by a reality show. [Starpulse]

The worst of 2011: Melissa Leo’s Oscar ads. [Lainey Gossip]

Kim Kardashian’s latest rebound hookup. [Cele|bitchy]

PHOTO: Sofia Vergara’s see-through pants. [TMZ]

What happens when supermodels are asked to “age.” [The Frisky]

Justin Bieber‘s in legal trouble again. [Socialite Life]

Vocal cords: they look like ALIEN GENITALIA. [OMGBlog]

Kris Humphries‘ “cheating scandal” was scripted. [Yeeeah]

Ali Lohan is EMACIATED. [INFDaily]

Photos of the sick car that J. Lo bought her son boyfriend. [The Blemish]

More Katy Perry pregnancy evidence. [Celebslam]

Blake Lively‘s really just a dog-sitter. [The Superficial]

Time magazine’s “Person of the Year” is … [Hollywood Dame]

What made Lindsay Lohan more confident. [ICYDK]

January Jones in W magazine. [theBERRY]

They’re heeeere!

My picks are in bold – leave your choices (and thoughts on who was snubbed MELISSA MCCARTHY) in the comments!

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie
Jessica Lange
Kelly Macdonald
Maggie Smith
Sofia Vergara
Evan Rachel Wood

Best Screenplay
Woody Allen
Michel Hazavanicious
Aaron Sorkin
Steven Zaillian

Best Comedy Actor
Alec Baldwin
David Duchovny
Johnny Galecki
Thomas Jane
Matt LeBlanc

Best Motion Picture – Drama
The Descendants
The Help
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
War Horse

Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical
50/50
The Artist
Bridesmaids
Midnight in Paris
My Week With Marilyn

Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants
Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar
Michael Fassbender, Shame
Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March
Brad Pitt, Moneyball

Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Musical
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Brendan Gleeson The Guard
Joseph Gordon Levitt, 50/50
Ryan Gosling, Crazy Stupid Love
Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris

Best Actor in a Supporting Role – Motion Picture
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Albert Brooks, Drive
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method
Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Actress in a Supporting Role – Motion Picture
Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

Best TV Series Drama
American Horror Story
Boardwalk Empire
Boss
Game of Thrones
Homeland

Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie
Hugh Bonnevile, Downton Abbey
Idris Elba, Luther
William Hurt, Too Big to Fail
Bill Nighy, Page Eight
Dominic West, The Hour

Jump in for the rest!

(more…)

Eddie, or as I lovingly dub him, “Squints McDong,” has landed a role in his First Real Movie, and by that I mean “a movie that wasn’t made for television, namely Lifetime.” The film also cast other stars like Thandie Newton, Gabrielle Union, Phylicia Rashad, Rebecca Romjin, Jamie Kennedy, and, of course, Tyler Perry, who also wrote the film. Perry claims that the film is about “… an affluent man [who] develops complicating feelings for a single mom [right before his wedding].”

LeAnn must be so STOKED! She probably celebrated by eating a quarter-bowl of Frosted Flakes with 2% milk! The splurge! The indulgence! The irony!

Congrats, Eddie! See what cheating on your snotty Real Housewives wife with a floundering country star will do for your career? YOU GO BOY!