Pam Anderson, circa 2011. In all honesty, she doesn’t look all that different (from the, uh, neck down) than the Pam Anderson of the late eighties/early nineties. And think back, she was one of the hottest things going in those days. She could’ve bedded any dude she wanted. And probably did. Which is why, yes, based on her appearance I’d probably still hit it, but based on the fact that she’s more than likely stretched out to hell and back, I’m more apt to say “I’ll pass on that.”

Would you or wouldn’t you?

So this is probably the most recent photo of Jennifer Hudson, and it’s hot, right? Totally hot. She looks completely amazing, and if it weren’t for the fact that she probably weighed three times what she does now at one point, I’d not be concerned. But she did. And she keeps losing weight. Jennifer Hudson has lost so much weight over the past year that it’s *almost* concerning.

And before it stars, I realize that a lot of people are going to say, “Jeez, Sarah, damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t, right?” and I feel you – I really do. I just hope that Jennifer doesn’t lose any more weight, because honestly, I already thought she looked great four months ago when she was probably fifteen pounds heavier, you know?

Yesterday was Katie Holmes‘ birthday, so Tom took the family out to dinner to celebrate. That’s sweet, isn’t it? I thought that for about two seconds, and then I started wondering about what Katie is wearing.

See, I’ve read Evil Beet for a long, long time before I actually started working here. And for those of you who have also been here a long time, you probably remember the Katie Holmes Jean Watch. It was a period in 2008 in which Katie Holmes insisted on wearing silly pants, and it alerted me to her occasional lack of fashion sense. Since then, especially since I started this job, I’ve kept a close eye on Katie and her clothes. And that’s how we are here today.

Do you guys like Katie’s outfit? Because I can’t decide. The shoes are cute, but jumpsuits make me anxious. I need some help with this one, friends.

By now, it’s pretty obvious that Justin Bieber loves Christmas almost as much as Courtney Stodden. He’s brought us so much seasonal joy with his Christmas songs, and now it’s time that he brings us the same joy by talking to us about his favorite holiday:

On Santa: My mom always told me there wasn’t a Santa. This was her logic: She thought if I grew up knowing about Santa then finding out he wasn’t real, that it would be like she was lying to me. And then when she told me about God, I maybe wouldn’t believe her. So she just wanted to be straight-up and honest with me all the time. But I didn’t tell my friends or ruin it for anyone — I was a good kid!

On Christmas traditions: We played a game on Christmas Day where everyone brought a girl gift and a boy gift. You roll the dice and if you get doubles, you get to pick a present and if you don’t, it’s the next person’s turn. Then, the next time you roll doubles you get to choose someone else’s present and switch. One time I really wanted a Game Boy but I ended up with pots and pans, which was disappointing. I think I gave them to my mom.

On “the best present ever”: I remember getting my first red bike which didn’t have training wheels on it. I was stoked. I thought it was the best present ever. It took me a little bit to learn how to ride it; I banged myself up, but I learned.

On his two- and three-year-old siblings, Jaxon and Jazmyn: When it comes to my little sister and brother, I spoil them. With Jazzy, all she has to do is cry and she gets what she wants. She’ll be getting a lot of Christmas presents.

But do they know he’s famous? Jaxon doesn’t really know. Jazmyn knows a little bit but she doesn’t really know the extent of it. She knows that I sing, she loves my songs and she’ll sing along to them — she’s really cute like that. And she has just now started calling me “Justin,” but for the past year she called me “Bieber” because that’s all she could say. It was like, “Bieber! Bieber!”

His Christmas wish: To be honest, I really don’t have any Christmas wishes this year… I just wish to be happy and that everyone be healthy in my family. And I wish that everybody gets to hear my Christmas album — and hopefully like it.

Do you love him more? Because I love him more.

Scarlett! What do you have to be afraid of? You’re not a baby, are you? So could possibly scare you, ScarJo?

Oh, birds? You’re terrified of birds? That’s … that’s cool.

“I’m only scared of birds. Something about wings and beaks and the flapping. I’m terrified of them. If they’d asked me [for We Bought a Zoo] to put a bird on my shoulder I would’ve done it, but it would’ve been hard.”

But specifically peacocks?

“I was terrified of them,” she says. “Like, ‘Ahh, don’t get too close.’ They’re like, mean.”

And also cockroaches, huh?

“I cannot stand cockroaches,” she shudders. “That’s one thing I absolutely couldn’t do. But that’s not really an animal, is it? It’s an insect.”

Ok, I can at least understand the aversion to cockroaches, but birds? I never really understood the fear of birds. I’m not going to judge you for it or anything because I’m sure there are things I’m scared of that you wouldn’t understand (like Slipknot, is anyone else scared of Slipknot?), but I just don’t get it. And since ScarJo’s been crossing the line here recently, she gets a strong rolling of the eyes for this.

What are you guys most afraid of?

Well, it really depends on who you ask. For instance, here’s the story according to TMZ:

According to our sources, newsstands in major cities like New York and Los Angeles have had to re-order the issue multiple times. We’re told Playboy is even getting re-orders from cities that usually never order more issues.

Meanwhile, Fox News is claiming that the issue really isn’t selling all that well:

But not many consumers are paying for that experience. In fact, interest seems low in seeing Lohan’s intensely air-brushed impersonation of Marilyn Monroe in glossy print. Fox411 spent Friday morning trolling the shelves of newsstands and gas stations from New York to Philadelphia only to be confronted with the same reality at each: Lohan’s glassy-eyed stare peaking above the backs of more family friendly fare, with no one staring back or making a purchase.

“No one has bought it,” was the resounding answer to our query at each stop.

Fox goes on to explain that the lack of sales isn’t so much because everyone’s already seen it, but more because Playboy used the incredibly tired concept of Lindsay as Marilyn Monroe, and also because there were no full frontal shots (sorry, 50!).

Typically, and especially on a Lindsay Lohan story, I would go with TMZ, but I just can’t this time. I just can’t believe that a magazine with pictures of Lindsay posing nude as Marilyn Monroe AGAIN would consistently sell out, especially when you can see all the pictures basically anywhere online. Unless someone wanted to read Lindsay’s meth-influenced quotes or make a collage, there’s really no reason for anyone to buy this issue, is there?