So, that was the Tweet that set off a tirade of Christians to bash Ricky Gervais, saying that if he had any Twitter followers, they must be heathens and athiests and horrible, bad, bad people – much like him, I guess, huh?

See, though I am a Christian, I think people are entitled to think and feel how they choose to when it comes to religion, or just, you know, living their lives. Who would I be to say what was right for me is right for everyone else? I also think that anyone who wouldn’t support their fellow (gay or lesbian or otherwise) man in whatever endeavor they chose, as long as it wasn’t harming the livelihood of others, is in the wrong here. I mean, seriously, can you believe some of the garbage @GodsWordIsLaw is peddling? “I don’t know any normal man that stands up for queers”? Who even says stuff like that?

Sounds to me like some Christians are completely missing the point of the holiday they hold so dear – because insulting people based upon their thoughts, ideals, sexual preferences, or otherwise, don’t sound very “Christian-like” to me.

If you guessed a sad has-been-alleged-spouse-abuser trying to look forty years younger and only ending up with the complete opposite result, you’re absolutely right. However, that’s not exactly what I meant. What I meant was, “Who, precisely, is this sad has-been-alleged-spouse-abuser, stuck on looking forty years younger and only ending up with the complete opposite result.”

If you guessed Kris Jenner, you’d be half-right. This is going to be Kris Jenner in five years, and I’m actually looking forward to that. Now, though, this happens to be Mickey Rourke. It’s Mickey Rourke, who used to look like this:

But who now looks like this:

Poor Mickey Rourke. He’s had a pretty rough life. His skin’s elasticity is all shot to shit and sagging like Lindsay Lohan’s flat-tire ass, and while I realize that plastic surgery is probably a slippery slope, and I’m also aware that his first surgeries were to correct a broken nose due to boxing, I’m also pretty convinced, that had he never made that second, and third, and … whatever decision to continue trying to fix his face, that he’d look like a relatively normal almost-sixty-year-old, and it’s a SHAME, because he used to be SO HOT.

What’s that, you have no f-cking clue who Terri Seymour is? Well, first and foremost, she’s Simon Cowell’s ex-girlfriend. Second, she was choked on American Idol one year. Nuts, right? Third, she was an Extra correspondent up until last year, but these days, I have no idea what she’s doing.

FINALLY. She was born in 1974. That makes her nine years older than me, but she looks about fifty. She’d look good for fifty, if she was fifty, but you know what? She’s not. She’s only thirty-eight. SUNSPOTS SUNSPOTS MELANOMA CARCINOMA.

My advice? SPF, KIDS. Don’t leave home without it.

Adorable, right? Can I refer to a burgeoning bump on a woman’s midsection as “adorable,” or is it strange that humans generally feel all fuzzy and wuzzy when it comes to a woman gestating another tiny, underdeveloped human in a special neighborhood of their nether regions?

I’m kidding. Of course it’s adorable. And I’m thrilled for Hilary and her husband. She seems like she’s going to be a totally awesome, totally down-to-earth mom who just loves her family and their little nest of existence. I also fully expect her to disappear from celebritydom shortly after the baby’s born, because I just don’t see anything else being as important to her as what she’s doing now, and I can admire that, can’t you?

See, I didn’t get this look back in 1977 (not that I was around then), and I definitely don’t get it these days. Especially with the six-inch heeled ankle boots. With flowy pants.  I think that might be the worst part of all of it. Like, what’s she trying to hide in them there ankle gaps, sixteen buttered croissants? A Christmas goose? Woody Allen‘s manhood?

What say you –

Listen, blondie. We can still see you.

Try as you might to hide yourself behind your new boyfriend Ryan Phillippe, we can still see you.

I am sure that, ordinarily, you are great at hide-and-seek. You can hide behind things like trees and light poles and mailboxes and stop signs. You can probably fold yourself to fit into small compartments. You can shimmy into the narrowest crawlspaces. I have no doubt.

But if you really don’t want to look like you’re the girl currently dating Ryan Phillippe, I recommend just walking forward like a normal person, doing your very best to not duck and hide behind Ryan Phillippe. Because the ducking, that is what actually looks suspicious.

Worse, it makes you look like you’re embarrassed to be dating Ryan Phillippe—almost as if you wouldn’t be caught dead dating Ryan Phillippe.

Unless… whoa, wait a minute! Oh, no! Are you embarrassed to be dating Ryan Phillippe? Oh, hon! I understand. I do. In that case, go ahead and hide.

(Gallery via Celebuzz.)