If that photo of the hot, steamy vampire love between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart didn’t give it away, then just let me spell it out for you: Twilight. The lady who wrote all the Twilight movies, Melissa Rosenberg, has made more money than any other female screenwriter ever. Does that make you die inside a little too?

Before Rosenberg and all that Twilight nonsense, a woman named Linda Woolverton held the title. Linda wrote Tim Burton’s adaptation of Alice in Wonderland and also The Lion King. However, the magic of Tim Burton and The Lion King are apparently no match for these vampires in love, because as of now, the Twilight franchise has made over two and a half billion dollars worldwide.

Is this as upsetting for you as it is for me?

You know why? Because Mel Gibson‘s divorce from his wife of 28 years, Robyn, was just finalized on Friday. That means that Robyn gets half of everything Mel has. And Mel has a lot:

Among Gibson’s estimated assets: more than $600 million grossed by The Passion of the Christ alone; $100-plus million in real estate investments worldwide (he bought an island in Fiji for $15 million in 2005); and $75 million for film and TV projects for which Gibson, 55, executive produced.

It appears some of his wealth has already been transferred to Robyn, in particular two Malibu homes worth a combined $22.5 million. As for film residuals, Robyn is entitled to half of every future check Gibson receives for the rest of his life.

I would go on about how much Robyn deserves this and how completely unimaginable it would be to be married to Mel Gibson for nearly 30 years, but I just can’t. I’ve slept like four hours in the past two days and I just got all these student loan bills in the mail, which is always depressing, and on top of all that I have to explain to my little guinea pig that his first Christmas is over and he probably won’t get to open presents like that until his birthday in June. I just can’t think about being married to Mel Gibson or how some people have 800 million dollars.

But maybe you guys can! Which would you rather have: a few decades with Mel Gibson for a lover or about $400 million?

Lindsay Lohan makes it obvious that she wants you thinking she’s working. [The Superficial]

Ryan Phillippe’s new girlfriend that looks exactly like his last three girlfriends. [Lainey Gossip]

Paula Patton got her hands dirty for new movie, wasn’t happy about it. [Starpulse]

They hit the “love” jackpot. [theBERRY]

Serena Williams’ barely-there holiday bikini. [Socialite Life]

Katherine Jackson poses with someone who looks like her dead son. [TMZ]

The dumbest tattoo you’ll ever see. [Cele|bitchy]

How not to kiss. [The Frisky]

The best celebrity bikini bodies of 2011. [Socialite Life]

Tom Bridegroom lives on in The Christmas Song. [Popbytes]

Jared Leto, trying to be edgy again. [The Superficial]

One of the most amazing things you’ll ever see: Jerome Simpson lands in front-flip touchdown. [Bitten and Bound]

People still think Beyonce’s pregnant, and why the truth is exactly the opposite. [Lainey Gossip]

Paris Hilton is stuck in 2003. [ONTD]

J Woww‘s really pushing those bikinis. [IDLYITW]

Josh Duhamel pretends that Josh Duhamel’s not a douche. [Hollywood Backwash]

Well, it’s not so much a Twitter battle so much as it is Demi Lovato absolutely ripping Disney to shreds on her Twitter and Disney apologizing on theirs. What’s all this about, you might ask. It’s about a show on the Disney Channel called Shake It Up that recently had a character say this charming line: “I could just eat you up. Well, if I ate.”

Oh, hell no, Disney. Not on Demi’s watch:

“I could just eat you up, well if I ate” – Disney Chanel’s Shake It Up…. What are we promoting here? #notfunnyATALL

I find it really funny how a company can lose one of their actress’ from the pressures of an EATING DISORDER and yet still make joke about that very disease….. #nice.

And is it just me or are the actress’ getting THINNER AND THINNER…. I miss the days of RAVEN, and LIZZIE MCGUIRE.

Dear Disney Channel, EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT SOMETHING TO JOKE ABOUT.

Just clearing things up, I have nothing against any specific actress/actor or tv show.. Nor do I think there’s anything wrong with girls who aren’t curvy, I just was stating a fact that there needs to be more variety on television so young girls growing up don’t feel pressured to look one specific way. Tall, thin, curvy, short, whatever you are, you are beautiful. :)

And here’s Disney’s PR Twitter account with their response:

we hear you & are pulling both episodes as quickly as possible & reevaluating them

It’s NEVER our intention to make light of eating disorders!

Remember when Demi said that she wanted to be a role model? Well, I think she’s doing a pretty solid job so far, don’t you?

How about that! All this time I thought they were married. Or at the very least, engaged. The also have two kids together, I’ve found (though I’ve already written about them in the past), even though today I thought they only had one.

So, OK. On the whole, Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves have been pretty forgettable. You know it’s kind of bad when not only can’t you remember if the two are married, but you forget how many kids they have. In short, it’s about damned time that these guys did something to make us remember them. They used to be such A Thing, you know?

Congratulations, guys! Now ante up and get married before we forget who you are altogether!

From TMZ:

Jennifer O’Neill says in her lawsuit … she worked for Gaga for 13 months, and is owed $380,000 in overtime. O’Neill says in her suit her job included “ensuring the promptness of a towel following a shower and serving as a personal alarm clock to keep [Gaga] on schedule.”

O’Neill claims she had to cater to Gaga in “stadiums, private jets, fine hotel suites, yachts, ferries, trains and tour buses.”

And, O’Neill says, she was required to be at Gaga’s beck and call at her “earliest waking hour.”

O’Neill is suing for the $380k — which represents 7,168 hours of overtime during the 13 months.

Gaga is not a defendant. O’Neill is suing Mermaid Touring Company, which Gaga uses for concerts and what not.

Gaga’s rep told the New York Post the suit is “completely without merit.”

So, OK. Normally, I’d NEVER defend Lady Gaga (and I’m still not, though I prefaced my comments with that previous statement), but isn’t this the kind of thing that personal assistants are generally required to do? Manage schedules, help organize crap, fetch things that these celebrities should be capable of fetching on their own and WOULD, if they weren’t jammed so far up their own asses that their arms turned into T-Rex appendages? Well, yes. However, one thing a lot of people seem to be missing is that this Jennifer chick isn’t lazy and she isn’t suing for having to perform demeaning tasks – she’s suing for unpaid overtime, and if Gaga’s personal life is as on-demand and erratic as her professional life, I don’t doubt that this poor girl had zero time of her own on her hands, and last I checked, overtime deserves compensation, too, no?

Hell yes, I’d be pissed. DOWN WITH GAGA.