Yup, I spent the last few hours racking my brain over who the most obnoxious, most heinous celebrities were of 2011 and though there were probably, like, eighty-six I could have placed on this list (not including others from previous years that continue their douchebag reign well into the later parts of the decade), I decided on five.
#5 – Doug Hutchison
I know. I know. Some of you guys probably have a soft little spot in your hearts for Doug Hutchison because he just seems on the outskirts of fame, sometimes brushing shoulders with it, but mostly being cast side-long glances by people who matter because he’s so on the fringe that it’s impossible to pull him into the mainstream. And he’d almost be a sympathetic character if he weren’t f-cking a teenager. Because I don’t care how “young at heart” or “hip” you are; statutory rape is statutory rape, even if it’s consensual statutory rape, and that’s just creepy, yo.
#4 – Michael Lohan
There’s not really an explanation as to why Michael Lohan’s on this list. He kicks women in the cooter, is King Douchebag of the Lohan Clan, isn’t even tolerated by the most unstable Lohan, and was once married to Dina Lohan. Plus, he sucks at escaping police custody. Please. Doesn’t all of that give him a lifetime membership card to, like, be on this list for the rest of his time on earth?
#3 – Kanye West
Kanye’s a drama queen. A drama queen who freaks out over projectile pieces of paper and a drama queen who compares himself to Hitler. Kanye thinks he’s God’s gift to politics, women, music, and the economy, and the only ones douchier than Kanye himself are his fans.
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#2 – Ashton Kutcher
Douche, douche, douche. Douche who cheats, bare-backed, on his much-more-famous wife with randoms who can’t keep their mouths shut. On his anniversary. To the woman who helped make him famous. He took over for Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men. You HAVE to be a sort-of douchebag to play the role of Charlie Harper. Lastly, he gave Lea Michele FALSE HOPES that she’d be his lady love. Normally, I’d commend him for that, because it’s funny as hell, but everything else he’s done this year has completely cancelled that out.