If you guessed a sad has-been-alleged-spouse-abuser trying to look forty years younger and only ending up with the complete opposite result, you’re absolutely right. However, that’s not exactly what I meant. What I meant was, “Who, precisely, is this sad has-been-alleged-spouse-abuser, stuck on looking forty years younger and only ending up with the complete opposite result.”
If you guessed Kris Jenner, you’d be half-right. This is going to be Kris Jenner in five years, and I’m actually looking forward to that. Now, though, this happens to be Mickey Rourke. It’s Mickey Rourke, who used to look like this:
But who now looks like this:
Poor Mickey Rourke. He’s had a pretty rough life. His skin’s elasticity is all shot to shit and sagging like Lindsay Lohan’s flat-tire ass, and while I realize that plastic surgery is probably a slippery slope, and I’m also aware that his first surgeries were to correct a broken nose due to boxing, I’m also pretty convinced, that had he never made that second, and third, and … whatever decision to continue trying to fix his face, that he’d look like a relatively normal almost-sixty-year-old, and it’s a SHAME, because he used to be SO HOT.