Over the holidays, Melanie Griffith was spotted in Colorado wearing some unusual headgear. And I’m just, uuuugggghhhh, how does Antonio Banderas even do it. (I hope Melanie takes her hat off first. Ha, ha.)

But then I got to thinking. I thought, “Hey, that hat isn’t so bad.”

Then I thought, you know what? I’m finished with gossip. I’m totally finished with writing! I am going to become a world-famous fashion designer. No! I’m going to become a hatmaker! Just like Philip Treacy! And I will only sell my art to rich celebrity patrons. Patrons like Melanie Griffith.

Here is my first design; how lucky are you! What do you think? Is my business going to take off, or what?

Do you love it? What, you don’t love it? Wait! Don’t go! I have other designs, too.

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Everyone is pretty sure Steven Tyler proposed to his girlfriend in Hawaii; new photos published by TMZ, however, have fanned the rumor that the couple is already married.

The photos show Tyler and longtime girlfriend Erin Brady involved in some sort of “house blessing” ritual, which, OK, these photos don’t really substantiate anything. Except…. Wait! Wait just one doggone minute! DID STEVEN TYLER BUY A HOUSE IN HAWAII?! I mean, he’s standing right there with some kahu (yes, as in the word “kahuna,” as in the gal in the hoop earrings and head-wreath), watching the pomaika’i take place.

More about “house blessing” ceremonies:

A traditional Hawaiian custom is the blessing of a new home or residence. New homes and newly acquired homes are blessed to bring peace, love, and harmony to the new family.

Hmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmm. So it isn’t unreasonable to speculate about this couple, then.

Neither is it unreasonable to guess that Erin Brady is already Tyler’s wife—after all, as I mentioned a couple days ago, Tyler’s family has been opposed to their union from the get-go. What’s more, a lot of Hawaiian priests are also able to officiate weddings. AND WHAT’S EVEN MORE, REVEREND ALALANI HILL—who, I have just determined, is the lady with the hoop earrings—specializes in MAUI BEACH WEDDINGS. Whoa, right?

Wow! Maybe this couple really is sneaking around Hawaii—buying houses, surreptitiously getting married, maybe adopting some dogs, getting IVF, the whole bit. Boy am I glad Steven Tyler isn’t vegetarian. After the blessing rituals, I bet he can take his bride to the nearest L&L for some (delicious!) spam musubi. Yum.

We didn’t cover this as it was happening yesterday (Sarah linked to the ongoing story, though, so no excuses, people), but Kelly Clarkson experienced a huge backlash after endorsing Ron Paul as her personal presidential pick, via her Twitter account.

Is Kelly Clarkson wrong to endorse Ron Paul? Is Ron Paul a racist homophobe? I neither know nor care. I have few of his political views in common, I read a lot daily; therefore, I chopped him from my reading list months ago. And anyway, I already think worse about many other candidates as it is, so I’m really just fiddling until I hear about some all-new option to research. Sorry for being as poorly-read as Kelly Clarkson.

But as I read about this, oof, I felt really bad for Kells. I mean, sure, I used to get irritated anytime celebrities disclosed their personal politics (or religion, or atheism), but now I’m just like, oh, whatever, we all have fish to go fry. I’ve decided I can stand Ricky Gervais in small doses after all, and I get really excited when Matt Damon says or does anything. We willingly endure the ones we love, right? So tweet on, you nutty, carefree celebrities. Except maybe you, Victoria Jackson.

FURTHERMORE (sorry for derailing, twice now), I feel bad for Kelly Clarkson because Kelly Clarkson isn’t exactly promoting an unpopular stance. She is from Texas (me, too!), where Paul is actually a lot more popular than Governor Perry. That’s a totally cultural thing. Clarkson also says she wants to vote for a media underdog; even Jon Stewart has acknowledged Ron Paul’s viability as a candidate, which, hey, that’s some serious cred.

Anyway, here’s the fun part: ever since Clarkson’s Twitter controversy became news, her sales have exploded. Music site Idolator reports that, in 24 measly hours, Clarkson’s latest studio album has jumped from #41 to #13 on Amazon’s sales chart. I KNOW. If having a political view gets you that kind of crazy money, why stop?

So high-five, Kelly Clarkson. I honestly wish you weren’t so famous and that we were BFFs, because I would take your talented Texan 29-year-old libertarian ass out for a beer.

HuffPo calls this interview “awkward,” but I think it’s just sort of… surly? Flippant? Yeah, flippant. Brad Pitt was 27 when he taped this interview with Entertainment Tonight, but he sounds more like a rebellious high schooler.

To wit: what is with the bandana he’s wearing under his jaunty ballcap? Do you see how it’s so carefully folded? The print, meticulously centered? Do you see how it matches Brad’s shirt? That bandana was a terrible decision.

On the bright side, this is the most early 90s video I have ever seen. My favorite part is when he fidgets, and suddenly you realize he’s holding a basketball. A basketball. During his interview. For the duration of the interview, he is fidgeting with an undersized basketball.

Pitt was visiting ET, I think to promote his ill-fated television series Glory Days which, you know, that was his first major role like ever. So he was a completely unproven actor when the interview was taped—he was, literally, just another pretty face—so I can sort of appreciate why he seems so edgy and irritable.

“You seem to want to be taken seriously,” the interviewer finally says to him. Listen, woman: in five years you are going to go see Se7en in the movie theater, and you are going to be floored.

Brad Pitt, vindicated!

I am having a lot of fun reading about Emma Watson‘s new Lancome ad. Here is why: Emma Watson is “going Rogue!” Emma Watson is a “Rogue in Love!”

And I’m just, ugh, people, the word is rouge. The new Lancome lipstick is called “Rouge in Love.” Rouge as in red. Rouge as in “roojsh.” Emma Watson is Roojsh in Love. Come on. Doesn’t anybody remember the Sarah Palin parody, Going Rouge?

Anyway, this is all neither here nor there. The real point is, Emma Watson looks straight-up ravishing in perfectly applied (computer-generated?) ruby lipstick. Girl! You’re gorgeous.

(Image via Racked; concept art via Hollywood Life.)

Earlier today, Sarah told you about how Chris Brown and Rihanna are perhaps tweeting each other sweet nothings again. Just like every other story about the possibility of these two getting back together, I was left with a very uncomfortable feeling. I just don’t think there’s any possible way that any kind of reunion between Chris Brown and Rihanna could end well. As Sarah said, there’s a big difference between forgiving someone for the horrible things he did to you and giving him the chance to do it again, and I’m really worried that Rihanna’s going towards the latter.

But what do I do know? Chris Brown’s mother wants Rihanna back:

Ever since their tumultuous split in 2009, Rihanna and Chris Brown have had little contact. But it seems the tide is turning. Chris’ mother, Joyce Hawkins, has stepped in the help reconcile the ex-lovers. “Joyce decided to reach out to Rihnna and help her sort out her life — and her relationship with Chris,” explains a source. “Rihana is still trying to blot out the inner emotional pain and turmoil of wanting Chris back.”

The former pair “have connected via text and email,” the source tells Star. Still, “Her management won’t let her meet up with him, because they are worried that he would hurt her again or that her fans would turn on her.”

But Rihanna has been spiraling out of control for months, boozing and bar-hopping. Friends fear it’s a sign of her missing her bad-boy ex — and Chris’ mom is trying to help the 23-year-old get back on track.

“Joyce is worried about her,” says the source. “She knew Rihanna as a sweet, young girl who was more interested in her career than partying all night long. If Rihanna thinks being with Chris will help her pull out of her tailspin, Joyce will make it happen.”

I’ve never seen a couple who broke up – like seriously broke up, like a “get out of my house, lose my number, we’re done” – and then got back together and managed to make it work. My own parents got divorced twice. Once when I was 8, and my dad got a new house, and everything was over. Then, a couple of years later, they started hanging out when one of them dropped me off, one thing led to another, and my dad proposed. Again. They split for good when I was 13, and talk about a mindf*ck.

I just don’t see how, after a couple ends things so finally, they think that maybe it could work if they just tried again. I know a lot of it’s hope, but … your son put this girl in the hospital, Joyce. Call me crazy, but I don’t think it’s the best idea if they get back together.