How long ’til Lindsay’s veneers fall out you think? [The Superficial]

7 Crucial pre-marriage questions that these celebrity couples didn’t ask themselves. [The Frisky]

The nude photos of Scarlett Johansson were for Ryan Reynolds, not Sean Penn. [TMZ]

Harrison Ford apparently has a massive penis. [Starpulse]

Bee-yonce’s Halloween costume. [Lainey Gossip]

Official version of the Beach Boys‘ ‘Smile’ is released. [LA Times]

Shia LaBeouf makes out with his girl. [Socialite Life]

People are giving Sandra Bullock‘s son really dumb presents. [Yeeeah]

How long do you think before she hocks it? [Amy Grindhouse]

The 5 Best and Worst New Shows of the Fall Season. [Pajiba]

And Blake would be where, then? [Lainey Gossip]

Cilian Murphy: both creepy AND hot. [Cele|bitchy]

The best Bella Swan EVER. [The Superficial]

Love it or leave it? I hate it. Really, I do. I actually think this haircut is terrible on him, and it has positively nothing to do with the fact that I kind of detest Justin Bieber for ruining not one, but two of my all-time favorite Christmas songs.

Bottom line, if he was going for a more mature, refined, masculine look, he failed on all counts. ALL OF THEM, you HEAR ME Christmas CD publicity and marketing department?

You win, Justin Bieber. If you were aiming to look like your little hanger-on Evan Rachel Wood, you pulled it off. You win, OK?

“After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.”

OK, so for those of you who’ve been reading the site for a while now, you probably know that I’ve been a Kim sympathizer when those around us have not. I’ve defended her wardrobe choices, ignored her tacky sex tape, and gave (possibly unwarranted) praise and accolades when it came to her “perfect” face. But this, guys, I don’t know if I can ignore. She’d “hoped this marriage was forever,” but tossed it in the can after only seventy-two days, you see. I mean, what, she’d apparently given it her all and sat through hours of heart-rending conversations with Kris as to where the marriage’s future lie and decided that 71 days of marriage was the true indicator of what would be? And then day 72 would be specially reserved for publicizing the imminent divorce declaration?

Right. And I suppose there’s no possible way that this marriage was a sham to begin with. Please. This is almost worse than the BS the Jersey Shore kids pull on their reality show.

Almost.

It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!

We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!

The winner on last week’s Britney Spears photo: Janney B
“C’mon, let me down, Jason! You said if I sang a few songs up here you would take me to getsum goddamn furnch fries.”

First runner-up: Dave
“He’s BEHIND you! He’s BEHIND you!”

Second runner-up: ChloeDC
“Hey y’all, I pulled a Fergie! Pissed myself on stage!”

Congrats to Janney B! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!

The photo’s caption?:

“It’s true, I am going to be a mummy.”

I mean, I guess they weren’t waiting for some kind of great big glossy magazine cover paying $2m. They were waiting for Halloween. The best part of this joke? Jess probably planned it, like, the day she found out she was pregnant. I could see it going down like this: “Hey y’all, I got them BLUE WORDS on this little stick I peed on! You know what this means, don’t you? I GET TO BE A MUMMY FOR HALLOWEEN! … What, you don’t get it? ‘Mummy,’ ‘mommy’? Aw, shoot, come on!”

No, seriously though, all joking aside – I am so happy for her. She seriously looks like she’s going to be the best mom ever and now that she’s finally admitted it, this pregnancy is only going to get cuter and cuter. I mean, there’s no other choice. We only have a short window of time to enjoy it, as experts are pegging her at about twenty-six weeks, and to me? Well that sounds – and looks – about right.

Finally, an overdue “Congrats!”