Some of those pounds on ‘later Hoover’ were not prosthetic. I’ll say it. Leo got a little fat.

—Dustin Lance Black, screenwriter of Milk and J. Edgar, on Leonardo DiCaprio‘s “method acting,” but also, his newfound affinity for German chocolate cupcakes.

Whoa. Two Britney Spears posts in one day. You can just tell today’s a slow news day, unless you want to talk about Lindsay Lohan, who’s *allegedly* heading to jail today (bitch, please). I know how many of you feel about Lohan and her overblown snatch, so I, personally, won’t subject you to sitting through an hour of secondhand deposition while Lindsay sits in a courtroom chair sweating off last night’s meth.

No, I’d much rather check out Jason Trawick‘s interesting expression. What the hell is that? Does that come from spending an extended amount of time with Britney, or is it kind of like a Pavlovian reaction to Britney’s latest weave? I’m intrigued.

But this time – THIS TIME! – he’s gone and shrink wrapped the shit in some kind of shiny green polyurethane blend that’s probably giving him testicular cancer as we speak. The photo isn’t exactly NSFW (oops, this link is), but I’m going to stick it below the jump just in case there are reps for, like, Sesame Street wanting to buy ad space on our site and in that case, here’s a little Elmo ditty that’s totally appropriate for the accompanying photo.

Jump in to see the Green Lantern Wang!

(more…)

Our little baby is growing up! Star Magazine has the shocking “first photo” of Justin Bieber‘s infant love child—wait, what? I know, right? And yeah, no, I sincerely doubt that the Biebz fathered a child backstage after a concert.

But anyway, Star reportedly has the “first photo” of Bieber’s progeny. Over at Radar, Star put Star‘s logo right atop the baby’s face, just to mess with us, but I found a scan of tomorrow’s issue of Star elsewhere. (Nice try, Star.)

So get this. Twenty-year-old fan Mariah Yeater is suing Justin Bieber in what is probably the weirdest paternity suit in the history of Ever. She alleges that she, ahem, took the Canadian pop star’s virginity backstage after an L.A. concert, and that her baby was born “exactly 36 weeks and two days after the sexual encounter.” Yeater’s full description of the encounter sounds a little bit like wishful thinking—CeleBitchy astutely calls the allegations “fanfic”—but Yeater does conclude that their tryst was, errr, “brief.” Thirty seconds, actually. Cough.

Of course Bieber’s representatives have roundly denied Yeater’s allegations already, but honestly, I’m a little surprised they’ve dignified the paternity suit with a comment at all.

Image via the Daily Mail.

Reggie Bush is behind the Kim Kardashian divorce. [The Superficial]

No, no, she does NOT know her best angles. [Lainey Gossip]

Nine-year-old girl facing felony charges. [Bossip]

Zooey Deschanel is back on the market, guys! [Starpulse]

Lindsay Lohan is hoping for two weeks in jail. [TMZ]

Heidi Klum and Seal as apes. [The Blemish]

Other “reasons” Kim and Kris are divorcing. [Huff Po]

Water for Elephants DVD & book giveaway – enter here! [Hollywood Dame]

The 10 Shortest celebrity marriages. [Socialite Life]

Justin Bieber fathered a baby to this chick. [Cele|bitchy]

Kris Jenner could have stopped OJ Simpson from killing all those people. [The Superficial]

Melissa McCarthy channels Divine. [Popbytes]

I don’t often care too much to solely dedicate a serious post to the likes of Selena Gomez (I mean, she’s dry-humping Justin Bieber – how serious can one take her?), but this time, the floor’s all hers. Just how hot does she look in these photos? And that dress, man. Completely flattering. I’d be all up on it myself if it weren’t for the fact that I’m, like Jess here, in my sixth month and gracefully swelling to soft proportions, too.

Seriously, though, girl, you are infinite levels above Justin Bieber. I mean, yeah, he’s way more talented and has a massive fan base in comparison to your own, but give yourself a little more credit here. You’ve got this. Shoot for the stars.