Nov 08, 2011 at 08:30 am by Sarah

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Lindsay‘s not good enough for anyone anymore. [The Superficial]

NYC Subway Groper caught, was not Brett Ratner. [The Frisky]

Conrad Murray‘s got a lot of secrets to spill. [TMZ]

Jennifer Lopez goes for a thigh-high split dress. [Starpulse]

Ryan Gosling and Rooney Mara? [Lainey Gossip]

Natalie Portman: almost unrecognizable. [Socialite Life]

Diane Kruger shows you her goods. [Yeeeah]

Clint Eastwood talks politics. [LA Times]

Lindsay Lohan was “scared and cold” during the four hours spent in jail. [Amy Grindhouse]

Coco’s big, big, BIG bare ass at the beach. [IDLYITW]

Chelsea Handler breaks up with a dude I didn’t even know she was dating. [Cele|bitchy]

Still together, despite rumors. [Lainey Gossip]

Helena Bonham Carter still looks amazingly good. [Pajiba]

This is Kim Kardashian‘s sad face. [The Superficial]

Nov 08, 2011 at 07:30 am by Sarah

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Sometimes, guys, I feel like we get caught up in all of the unimportance of celebrities like Courtney Stodden and her boobs and Olivia Munn and all her seafood sexcapades, and we fail to really acknowledge celebrities to the likes of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Yup, folks, they’re still a thing and they’re still as amazing as they were six months ago.

See? Wasn’t that fun now? There. We checked in, alright? And you know what we found? That they’re just as boring as they were six months ago, and six months before that, and, oh, right, six months before that. They still look great, their kids are still adorable, and they’re still traveling all around the world doing admirable things with their millions and billions of dollars, all while looking casually fashionable and put together.

Can we go carbon date Courtney Stodden’s vagina now or something?

Nov 08, 2011 at 06:30 am by Sarah

For our honeymoon a few years back, my husband and I went to the Dominican Republic and vacationed at an oceanfront resort. After checking out a plethora of spots, we’d decided to head there because it looked pretty sweet when we’d checked it out online, but the real clincher was that every night, their performance team did a Michael Jackson tribute show. Yeah, it was the same show every night, but if you were drunk enough, it really didn’t matter. It was entertaining as all hell, and not at all creepy that there were, at any given time, sixteen to twenty “Michael Jacksons” moonwalking around the stage and amphitheater.

This kid, however, completely kills it. And I’m sure – no, as a matter of fact, I’m completely positive – that if he ever decided to apply for an entertainment job at the Excellence Punta Cana resort, he’d be welcomed with open arms and one-gloved hands.

Nov 08, 2011 at 05:30 am by Sarah

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Remember a few days ago, Jenn talked about Courtney Stodden‘s Big Boob Reveal that’d be coming up? Here it is! This is Courtney, getting a tit ultrasound, on Dr. Drew Pinsky‘s show, Lifechangers.

Initially, if you watch the video, you’ll see that the ultrasound tech and doctors almost flat-out say, “Yup, there’s your implant,” but yet when Courtney starts to squawk and the tech does it again, the “experts” reneg and say, “Um, yup, no implants here. You’re totally right. These babies are all real.” Love the backtracking.

You guys going to swallow this? Still think Courtney’s tittays are the rill dill (sorry, couldn’t resist)?

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Nov 08, 2011 at 04:30 am by Sarah

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It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!

We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!

The winner on last week’s Sarah Jessica Parker photo: Rob
“A corpse is a corpse, of horse, of horse and no one can talk to a corpse of course.*”

*Sung to the tune of the old Mr. Ed TV show theme.

First runner-up: Who Knew
“Vincent Price’s sister insists leaked nudes were only meant for Michael Jackson.”

Second runner-up: Mike Z
“Hey Butthead! Let’s go score some chicks!”

Congrats to Rob! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!

Nov 07, 2011 at 05:30 pm by Sarah

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From People:

Dr. Conrad Murray was convicted Monday of involuntary manslaughter in the June 25, 2009, death of Michael Jackson.

A bewildered-looking Murray was handcuffed and led out of the courtroom. He was held without bail pending sentencing.

“This is a crime where the end result was the death of a human being,” said Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael Pastor. “That factor demonstrates rather dramatically that the public should be protected.”

Earlier, Murray showed no emotion as the clerk read the verdict, which was reached after 10 hours of deliberation.

As the verdict was read in the courtroom, Jackson’s sister La Toya said, “Yes!” His mother Katherine dabbed tears with a tissue. Other Jackson family members and fans shouted in joy.

How are you guys feeling about this? Does it give the family closure, or does it really just not change anything at all?