You know, the Duggars! Michelle and Jim Bob and their 19 kids and counting? Back in May, we learned about how this crazy couple was open to having more children (they let God make the call on the babies, you know), and it looks like they weren’t foolin’, because Michelle is three and a half months pregnant! Oh, and 45 years old. Also, her last kid weighed in at one pound, six ounces at birth. But 20 kids sounds awesome, huh?!

Congrats, Duggars! Let’s hope this kid doesn’t come into the world with severe, life-endangering birth defects or any kind of horrific chronic condition because of your selfishness, and be sure and invite us to the baby shower!

I’ll give you a hint: there’s no doubt in my mind that Lindsay lost her deluded, meth-filled little mind when she found out, even though it’s not the “Kate Moss inspired fashion story” that this psycho originally wanted to do. Another hint? This photo shoot is going to do nothing to help a certain morbid obsession Lindsay has with this subject matter.

Give up? It’s meth! She’ll be spreading her legs in a meth lab, and oh, the places those chemicals will go …

Oh, guys, kidding! It’s a Marilyn Monroe theme, ok? For real this time:

“He (Hugh Hefner) felt the initial shots looked too much like a Kate Moss-inspired fashion story — Lindsay’s choice — where he wanted more of a classic Hollywood Marilyn Monroe feel,” a source said. This weekend, Lohan was accompanied by lawyers, agents and publicists who, sources said, “gave their two cents about what was considered ‘nude’ and what was not.” Sources said Lohan ended up delivering the Monroe-inspired images Hefner wanted. She’s expected to appear nude, but “strategically covered up” in certain shots.

I’m sure Lindsay will do just fantastically in her issue of Playboy (which, by the way, will be available in Decemeber!). After all, she’s just like Marilyn Monroe, and don’t you dare forget it!

Will any of you be picking up this particular issue of Playboy?

You know, I love Kristen Stewart. I really, really do. I’m not quite sure why, as she’s kind of bland and dry and looks like she’s in pain a lot of the time (I can imagine hanging out with her would be like hanging out with that one grandmother with all the bed sores who’s strung out on pain meds all the time and has nothing good to say about conditions in her assisted living facility), but I think she’s pretty awesome on the whole. I just get along with those crotchety-grandma types, I suppose.

This look, however? I am not – not – not loving this look. I know it’s supposed to be “haute couture” and what not, and it’s not supposed to be all cutesy and frilly and pink and “Kristen looks sooooo pretty!” but this? Eeyh. It looks like something even Lady Gaga would discard, and that’s truly the sign of a spoiled dress.

Image courtesy of Vogue Italia

Check out this photo Oprah tweeted of herself last week (via Celebritology). More specifically, look at her face! Ha ha!

I’m not sure you can altogether make out what’s happening here, so let me just unpack it for you: Oprah is firewalking. (She looks like she’s pretty serious about getting from one end of that carpet of coals to the other, too.) Next to her, in the Madonna headset? That’s famed motivational speaker Tony Robbins, encouraging Oprah to walk harder. Man, I always knew there was something culty about leadership seminars; this just seals it.

Obviously, the photo has blown up on Buzzfeed, birthing an all-new Internet meme, “Oprah Running Away from Things.”

So I just thought I’d toss my hat in the ring and add a few new Photoshops, all while repurposing stories from the past couple days. It’s so topical! So now! Enjoy!

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Sorry, everyone. Emily mused yesterday that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries might yet put aside their differences and give their marriage another shot. And I had halfway extended hope! Because I am a hopeless romantic!

We were all so, so wrong, you guys:

Kim Kardashian is trying to find closure in her short-lived marriage to Kris Humphries.

Despite speculation that reconciliation was on the horizon, the 31-year-old reality star’s reason for flying to Minnesota over the weekend to see Humphries, 26, was because e-mail exchanges between the two began to turn testy.

“She wanted to see him face to face to put some finality on it,” a friend told Us Weekly. “She didn’t want things to get ugly with them and it was heading down that road.”

Oh. OK. So this was really a “I told you, if you don’t stop bombing my Gmail, I’m going to call the pastor” -type visit. That’s, uh, literally not what I’d ever expected. Huh.

In the meantime, Kim Kardashian is resolute but reportedly still grieving. Even the NY Daily News is quick to point out that Kim flew coach (!!!!!) and was “dejected” and “makeup-less.”

Oh girl WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. Posing for Terry Richardson? What’s next, buying magic crystals off the street from some shady-looking dude your ex-lesbian lover used to frequent? Making racist comments in public? Showing your vagina? Donning a pink wig?

Last, has anyone ever told you about the uncanny resemblance between you and Eminem? ‘Cause it’s there, sweetie.