Just look at these finely crafted items up there! They bear such a remarkable resemblance to Kate and Pippa Middleton in their classically gorgeous royal wedding day get-ups, and notice how they aren’t creepy whatsoever!

Would you be interested in one of these darling dolls? Well, for just $49.95, Pippa can be yours, and gorgeous Kate is a steal at $189.95! I know what I’m asking for in my letter to Santa this year!

Does anyone else know of any other beautiful celebrity-inspired dolls who absolutely do not look like they would come to life and murder you in your sleep?

Oh, Ashton. Bless your confused little heart. I know it’s been a rough couple of months, buddy, but hang in there! Sure, everyone hates you, but it’s always darkest before the dawn, right?

Now, about that Joe Paterno tweet: sweetie, that was careless. You’re the king of Twitter, and you should know better than to say something to your 8,000,000+ followers that you don’t know anything about. And tweets like these:

As an advocate in the fight against child sexual exploitation, I could not be more remorseful for all involved in the Penn St. case.

As of immediately I will stop tweeting until I find a way to properly manage this feed. I feel awful about this error. Won’t happen again.

They don’t make everything better, Ashton. I’m sorry, but you and I both know that they just don’t. And as for your long-winded apology/”it’s not my fault” statement/announcement that you’re giving up control of your Twitter, well … that’s not great either, honey.

(more…)

Oh, I’m sorry, did you think the incorrect use of all the ‘k’s would stop being funny to me? Think again, friends. The fun has just kommenced.

Not for the Kardashians, though. No, for the Kardashians, there’s apparently quite the riff that began with the divorce heard ’round the world:

“The family has split into two camps since the divorce – Kim and her mom versus the rest of the family, who are really angry at her,” an insider tells In Touch magazine. “Encouraged by her mom, Kris, Kim has become a fame-addicted, money-hungry monster. She has lost touch with reality.”

A source reveals that Khloe is “seething” over Kim’s actions — and while in Australia, the sisters got into a battle in a bathroom.

“Khloe was mad because Kim was trying to look sad [about her divorce],” describes onlooker Hannah Smith. “She was telling Kim that people would see right through it, and Kim was only making things worse.” Kim and Khloe got so nasty to each other that they were “swearing at each other.” Kim stormed out of the room after getting totally worked up.

Then at the airport when Kim, Khloe and Lamar were heading home from Australia, Khloe and Lamar ignored Kim as she tried to wheel her luggage. “It was as if they didn’t even know her,” notes a witness.

This sounds completely plausible, right? It’s pretty widely known that Khloe Kardashian is the best Kardashian, Kourtney is ok, I guess, save her taste in men, while Kim and Kris are the money hungry bitches of the family. Or, you know, that’s how it looks on TV.

Here’s another issue: there’s talk that this whole debacle could be the end of the Kardashians, that America is not going to be willing to put up with any further nonsense from this family. Could that be true? Based on the amount of information that I read about these people every single day (and guys, it’s a lot. Like, a lot a lot), it seems like we’re going to be exposed to the Kardashians basically until they die, but I can’t be sure anymore. Thoughts?

And I say “artiste” instead of plain old “artist” because “artiste” sounds way more important and fancy, and what better words are there to suit someone who’s well-known for wearing dress robes that look like this:

Am I right? Damn right I am.

But anyway, the *real* reason we’re talking about Rupert today is that he painted an elephant for the Asian Elephant Foundation. Yup. According to MuggleNet (which of course is high-up on my RSS feed):

Along with several other celebrities, Rupert has painted an elephant … to support the Asian Elephant Foundation and the proceeds will go to the said foundation as well as the Wildlife Reserves Singapore. The funds will pay for elephant hospitals and land for elephants to roam the wild.

The elephant Rupert painted will be displayed in Singapore for the Elephant Parade, the largest open-air art exhibition dedicated solely to saving the Asian Elephant.

This is Rupert‘s latest work of art:

And it’s completely awesome. Isn’t he just the best?

Eddie Murphy‘s as good as Brett Ratner. [The Superficial]

Mariah Carey used to be “rancid.” [Lainey Gossip]

Go, fight, win, Kardashians. [Starpulse]

The #1 reason Gwyneth Paltrow shouldn’t be such a sanctimonious gitch. [Lainey Gossip]

Ashton quit Twitter now because he’s an a-hole. [Cele|bitchy]

Piers Morgan is leaving America’s Got Talent. [LA Times]

La Toya tries to be relevant. [TMZ]

Babies reenact famous movie scenes. [The Frisky]

Christina Aguilera put on more weight. [Yeeeah]

Will the Muppets host the Oscars? [OMGBlog]

Adam Levine is a creeper. [Socialite Life]

Nicole Richie loses some weight. [INFDaily]

The latest Dark Knight Rises stills. [Caught on Set]

Jessica Simpson already wants more kids. [ICYDK]

Kirsten Dunst‘s “big boobs.” [The Superficial]

The last day of Harry Potter filming – behind the scenes. [Hollywood Dame]

Johnny Depp checking out tits. [The Blemish]

“I read somewhere that Abercrombie & Fitch offered to pay The Situation not to wear their clothes—but who am I to say who should be wearing mine? I do remember someone saying that… what’s Paris Hilton‘s sister called? Isn’t it Nicky or something? Anyway, she apparently talked to someone about my first collection, and was like, ‘I don’t get it.’ I was like, Good! I’m glad she doesn’t get it. It’s not for her. Besides, what’s there to get with clothes? So if Snooki wants to wear my clothes, go for it. I think she’d look a lot better in them.”

—the imperiously icy Chloë Sevigny, who has a new fashion line (via CeleBitchy). No, I know; I promise you’ll have a lot more fun with the quote if you read it to yourself in this voice.

But what is Chloë really trying to say here? Do I detect a barely-veiled attack on Nicky Hilton? Here, let me run that quote through my Mean Girl Translator. Ah, yes: Sevigny said, “I have been obsessed with Nicky Hilton ever since I overheard her complaining about the way I dress. Now I will pretend like I can’t even think of her name. Nicky? I’m sorry, Nicky Who?”

I see, too, that Chloë would be willing to selflessly sacrifice her style credibility if it only meant she could get Snooki out of that awful leopard print. Also, Chloë seems to know an awful lot about the Jersey Shore cast, don’t you think?

What else did Chloë say about Jersey Shore?

“I think it’s really depressing that people are propping these people up as celebrities. The way they behave is embarrassing, and I think it’s kind of diminishing our culture. Most reality TV people behave like pigs, and it’s unfortunate that they get put on pedestals for doing so.”

But! She also said,

“I have to admit, I do find that JWoWW sexy in a really weird way. It’s like that sexy, dirty kind of girl—not dirty, but like a hot mess. We’ve all gotten too drunk and acted crazy at parties, but I don’t maintain that and I’m kind of fascinated by those girls who do.”

Of course! The “Hot Mess” appeal, right. Don’t worry, Chloë, it’s OK to feel conflicted. I actually know exactly how you feel!

For instance, on the wall of my office, I have tacked up a Uniqlo poster* of Chloë—oh, what is she called? Chloë Sevigny or something? Yeah, her. I can’t explain it, but she is bizarrely magnetic. She acts like a total space alien. And I mean, I don’t maintain that, but I’m kind of fascinated by girls who do.

*I am really not kidding. She is posing fiercely with a comparatively complacent Tadanobu Asano, and something about the whole thing really tickles me. Oh, Chloë! So yeah, it’s very much on the wall in the other room.