You probably know Mike Rowe as the host of Dirty Jobs, and if not, you know him as the spokesman in a slew of Ford Motor ads. (Or maybe you’ve never heard of him! Because you don’t have a TV! Whatever!)
But Mike Rowe wishes you guys weren’t all so stuck on Mike Rowe. Of course I am referring to the other Mike Rowe, who is serving time in a prison in South Dakota. And he’s sick and tired of his fellow inmates teasing him about being named Mike Rowe.
“I am subject to this ridicule every day that I live,” Mike Rowe says.
So Mike Rowe copyrighted the name. And now he is suing Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs. What a drama queen.
Above: Mike Rowe, maybe in 1992, pitching lava lamps on QVC. He was fired from that job three times. Before QVC, Mike Rowe was a professional opera singer.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll tell you again: Ashton and Demi are total weirdos. They just might be meant to be. No, I know: Ashton sticks it everywhere, and Demi is insecure about her age. (They reportedly had an “open” marriage, and Demi was cool as long as she knew about Ashton’s dalliances. It’s akin to your “cool mom” promising you can experiment with Mary Jane as long as it’s under her roof. Yikes. Just, yikes.)
As PopBytes tells it, Ashton did try to win Demi’s affection back. With! A Lexus hybrid, valued at over $100,000. But it was evidently too little, too late, and Demi Moore filed for divorce anyway. I mean, really. A car? A car. Whatever happened to smoothing things over with a nice, big diamond?
But what’s this! Over the weekend, apparently, the estranged couple reunited for Kabbalah counseling. They left together, but the pair took separate cars. No word on whether one of the cars was a Lexus, though.
Aww, isn’t she adorable? And though, yeah, she looks a little bit younger than she does these days, you can tell that there’s evidence of no plastic surgery or facial enhancements. Awesome, right? I mean, when the hell was the last time that happened, 1948?
“I don’t care if they have a big nose. I don’t care if they’re bald. [I just want someone who's] really sweet and who’s a perfect reflection of who I am now.”
No, I’m kidding; she doesn’t want Jim Carrey back (and he doesn’t have a big nose, duh – that should have been your first indicator). She’s actually just a vapid sort of twat who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who’s more famous than her. See?:
“The first thing is, when it’s not fun any more, you need to start investigating and do an inquiry into the relationship… My identification wasn’t caught up [in] being a celebrity’s … girlfriend.”
That was McCarthy‘s reason (for real) as to why she and Jim Carrey, who she dated for five years and lived with, too, broke up so suddenly. She got sick and tired of not being the famous one in the relationship, and wanted to move on to less-famous dudes so she could continue to have her moments in the spotlight. I’m betting, though, that she’s going to have trouble finding guys that are less famous than she is, though, because really – who the f*ck is Jenny McCarthy these days anyway? Ugh.
Is Jenny being as big a dick as I’m feeling, or am I just seriously in some massive Jim Carrey defense mode here?
So former Pussycat Doll and X-Factor host Nicole Scherzinger took it all off for new book, Culo. Good for her, I guess, huh? My first reaction was, “Wow, that’s a pretty great ass!” But then, on a second (and third – and fourth) examination, I realized that it might actually be kind of weird. You know how Tori Spelling and Audrina Patridge kind of have that big gap between their fake tits? That’s kind of what Nicole’s got going on in her nude photo (after the cut; we can’t go posting bare asses on our front page, after all).
Other models for the coffeetable book include Lady Gaga and Irina Shayk. That’s … hot?
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s Jennifer Lopez-new-boyfriend photo: John
“There are only TWO jackets like this in the world. I own one; and the other I also own.”
First runner-up: James
“I don’t always play Rock, Paper, Scissors..but when I do, I play Scissors. Stay stupid my friends.”
Second runner-up: Anonymous
“Mongo count this high.”
Congrats to Queasy! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!
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