A couple of days ago, dear Justin Bieber made an appearance on a radio show, and during the interview, the hosts started poking fun at The Biebz for being the most romantic man of our time and setting up a date with his lady, Selena Gomez, to see a private screening of Titanic at the Staples Center:
“It was my idea,” the pop star said. “She was talking about wanting to see ‘Titanic’ again because she hadn’t seen it since she was a little girl. We were fighting a little bit, so I just really wanted to take her somewhere special. We had dinner in the middle of the Staples Center.”
The DJs laughed, but Bieber defended his actions. “You got to treat a woman right,” he said. “Girls like when you just do spontaneous things.”
Bieber also was mocked on the show for not making the moves on fellow celebs Rihanna or Kim Kardashian, or any of the mere mortals who’ve had his image tattooed on themselves.
“Why would I let something so amazing slip away?” Bieber replied, referring to Gomez.
“Maybe you could learn from Justin Bieber,” the show’s lone female DJ responded to her less couth co-hosts.
Sigh. My heart weeps for it knows that it will never feel the tender, selfless love of Justin Bieber. How can these wounds heal if he keeps flaunting his perfection like this?
“I am old now: gray, wrinkled, tired, and bloated, and my joints ache, too. But I am ready to come into my full destiny—as my childhood dreams predicted—as a Neo-Amazonian Pirate Queen of my own vessel: firing cannonballs at the worldwide culture of patriarchy in the name of all that does not suck. I no longer fear moving on to a better existence than this one, which is, of course, no existence at all. Oblivion will be f*cking sweet after a lifetime at the mercy of my hormones and my biological clock and the twisted logic that produced the craving for a dominant male sex partner. I’m quite thrilled to say that at this late hour, in my autumn years, I have at last found a man who is more savant than idiot, and with whom the sparse occasions of physical enjoining of souls is quite sublime.”
Is it crazy that I’m bookmarking this on my laptop so I can read it in about thirty years when I actually have to deal with menopause? It is, right? I should print it off and laminate it.
Anyway, I’ve always seen Roseanne as an inspiration, and I thought some of you might find something useful or uplifting in her words here. You can read the full article after the jump, and if you have a vagina and/or a sense of humor, I strongly suggest you do just that.
Remember that whole heroin-induced, blood-and-gore, kissing-half-brothers thing Angelina used to do? Even though she’s been with Brad Pitt for something like a lifetime and has a slew of kids, that darkness still exists. Does that excite you? Does it make you wonder if she’ll go spinning off her axis one of these days into a flurry of intravenous drugs, cigarettes, old men, and red meat consumption? Don’t get your hopes up yet – Angie says that the dark side now belongs to Brad:
“I’m still a bad girl. I still have that side of me … it’s just in its place now … it belongs to Brad [Pitt]. Or our adventures. … I went through heavier, darker times and I survived them. I didn’t die young.”
She continues by saying that if you’re assuming the worst, you’re probably right:
“So I am very lucky. There are other artists and people that didn’t survive certain things … people can imagine that I did the most dangerous, and I did the worst … for many reasons, I shouldn’t be here. You just … too many times where you came close to too many dangerous things, too many chances taken too, too far.”
The interview, which will be run through 60 Minutes, will air on Sunday. Mwah ah ah.
Something about this movie just totally makes me want to crap my pants every time I talk about it. Usually, talking about it accompanies actually having seen a preview or a trailer or, in this case, a sneak peek, and this time is no different. I mean, come on: cobwebbed gargoyles! Creepy apparitions lurking in windows! Self-destructing photos! Rocking chairs!
February 2012? You better get your ass here fast is all I can say.
And by asking “or what,” I definitely mean “or plastic surgery,” because as far as I’m aware, no one ages in reverse – especially snaggly bitches who belittle their kids and husband in public for monetary gain.
Namely, the plastic surgery has a lot to do with facial fillers. Maybe something with her jaw. And definitely something with the bridge of her nose. I mean, what is that? Whatever she did to the skin/bone in that area positively makes her appear to be of Asian descent or something. Her eyes look so far apart now. All I know is that *something* is majorly different with Kate-girl‘s face, and I’m not going to be able to sleep ’til I figure out what it is. Now if they could only come up with some kind of personality surgery, Kate might be a tolerable person, you feel me?
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