Britney did an interview all by herself, guys! And you know what, other than thinking that Hershey’s Cookies & Cream bars are a new innovation, it’s almost pretty lucid, and it’s almost entirely about how much she hates working out and eating junk food. I think it’s official: Britney is a normal person who just happens to have been thrust into the spotlight by controlling parents at a very, very young age, and who suffered some very public misfortunes that only endeared her to the world that much more.

I mean, come on. Look at how all of the other child stars turned out. If Britney wants to babble and drool over chocolate – LUSCIOUS CHOCOLATE – I suppose she’s the least of our worries. There are, after all, adult child stars like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan out there. It could be worse, y’all!

Here’s Britney on her penchant for bad, bad food:

“Chocolate. Definitely chocolate. A lot of chocolate. I love Scores in the States, with the caramel in the middle, and every once in a while if I’m really hungry then a Snickers bar is good. And M&Ms are great, Hershey’s Whoppers are great, Raisinettes … Yeah. Twixes are great too. And the new Hershey’s Cookies & Cream, too.”

Britney on Ryan Gosling:

“Oh, I’m a huge fan; I think he’s amazing. I think he’s a wonderful little actor. He definitely has that ‘something’ on film; on camera, which is really cool. So I’m very happy for him.”

Britney’s with the chocolate again ideal vacation:

“It would be with my children of course, and my boyfriend Jason [Trawick, also Britney’s agent], and really that’s it. We’d probably just go skiing somewhere really beautiful and have hot chocolate, in a cabin…”

Britney on her decorating style:

“Yes, my house is very traditional. And I love ‘shabby chic’. It’s a very homey-cosy vibe. We spend a lot of time in the kitchen actually, maybe my kids will be doing their homework or that kind of thing when they get home from school. I love my kitchen.”

And unlike Snooki, Britney actually reads:

“[The last book I read was] The Mastery Of Love [sub-titled A Practical Guide To The Art Of Relationship by Don Miguel Ruiz]. It’s basically an analysis of love and what it means to love. It goes through all the different aspects of love. Who you are as a person, knowing yourself before you even attempt to love anyone else; that sort of thing. It’s really well-written and thought-provoking.”

And finally, Britney’s biggest challenge to date :

“… Trying to get up and go work out in the morning. I haven’t worked out in, like, two weeks. Sometimes it’s hard to be motivated. But once you get up and do it you feel like you’ve conquered the world.”

No, but seriously, I know we do a lot of questionable Britney-jibing over here, but it’s all in good fun. I think she actually sounds like a complete blast, and I bet she’d be a really good friend. She’s sort of endearing in a really frenetic way.

But all that candy, though, good Lord, son.

I hope I’m not ruining your Thanksgiving plans—which were, of course, to sit down with a six-pack of beer, cue up the DVR, and watch the season finale of Dancing with the Stars, all while weeping softly—by telling you what happened on the show last night.

Oh, well, here goes: motivational speaker and All My Children star J.R. Martinez is officially the Season 13 winner. (Thirteen seasons! How, even? I’m not sure I understand how TV works anymore.)

Martinez and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, barely defeated Rob Kardashian in the gripping reality-dancing competition. The other finalist, Ricki Lake, was edged out of the contest earlier in the evening.

Martinez’ victory is inspirational—the 28-year old is a veteran and survivor of the War in Iraq—and it was certainly deserved, too, as anyone who witnessed his moves can attest.

But according to Page Six, Rob Kardashian and partner Cheryl Burke actually finished the competition ahead of J.R. Martinez (albeit by one measly point), while Martinez outpaced Kardashian in terms of viewers’ votes. And because Dancing with the Stars is as much a popularity contest as it is a challenge of skill, there’s some speculation that Kardashian lost on account of the family name. In fact, Rob’s chances at winning were probably seriously injured the night the Kardashian girls sat in the audience.

Not to diminish J.R.’s victory or anything, but yeah. Yeesh.

(Image via Digital Spy.)

Whooooops! Nice pink underwear, Bieber!

Whatcha think, you guys? Does the Biebz have a penchant for pink, or do you think he maybe threw his bright red hoodie into the wash with all his Hanes?

Honestly, though: the whole pink undies thing would be moot, if only Justin Bieber’s pants weren’t flying at half-mast. I mean, reeeeally, Bieber, hitch those pants back up. I feel like I can almost see something I shouldn’t be able and/or don’t want to see.

P.S. I’m on my laptop in a coffee shop today, which means I am staring at Justin Bieber’s ass in public, in plain daylight. And I hope nobody in here has noticed! Because I am seriously old enough to be Bieber’s teen mom.

(Photo gallery purloined from Celebslam via ONTD.)

I promised myself I would stop, I really did. I promised myself that I would cut back on my cattiness towards Taylor Swift, especially for her horrendous covers. I said “Emily, what are you doing? What good does it do to go on about your resentment of a popular yet only marginally talented country singer?” And I stopped.

Well, for like a month. Then I saw this video of Taylor performing with my beloved Goo Goo Dolls, and I’m sorry, but all bets are off. Because much like the cast of Glee covering a Bowie song, it just got a little too personal.

How are you guys feeling about this here video? Either I’m a jealous bitch or Taylor is too ridiculous, am I right?

After Christina‘s performance at the AMAs over the weekend, everyone was like “oh, girl.” Actually, for the entirety of 2011, most people have been questioning what’s going on with Christina. But hey, she’s not worried, you’re not going to ruffle her feathers, she’s a curvy Latina and she’s proud of it, you hear?

Here’s what a friend of Christina’s had to say about the pop star’s self image:

“Christina loves her curves.  She’s a Latina woman with curves and since when is it not ok to have curves?” her friend said.

“She feels like she is setting an example for women and younggirls, especially Latinas.  She’s very proud of her curves.  Christina thinks she is a good role model – not everyone is super skinny and she wants girls to embrace their body type.”

Ok, let me try and sort this out.  No one’s hating on Christina for her body. Well, I take that back, I’m sure several people hate on Christina for her body, but that’s not right. No matter what Kelly Osbourne says, Christina is not fat. That’s not what this is about. This is about how Christina has gained some weight, probably thanks to her love of booze, and she refuses to change her style accordingly. She insists on going out in public time and time again without pants on, her hair and makeup are consistently awful, and … well, I’m sure you all remember the time she crammed herself into this outfit.

It’s not about curvy vs. fat or bashing someone for her weight, it’s about calling someone out when she keeps dressing so, so wrong. Christina Aguilera is absolutely beautiful when she puts on the right size and stops letting alcohol f*ck up her life. That’s something we can all agree on, right?

Katy Perry says she’s letting herself go. [The Superficial]

If this douchebag wins, I’m going to DIE. [Bitten and Bound]

Are the Muppets coming back to TV? [Starpulse]

Reese Witherspoon‘s been peeing standing up or something. [The Superficial]

I thought Eva Mendes was Amy Winehouse. [Caught on Set]

Justin Bieber is greasy. [Yeeeah]

Jennifer Lopez was ridiculous at the AMAs. [The Blemish]

Kim Kardashian took offense to the fact that Kris Humphries called her “fat” and “stupid,” but I can’t figure out why. [Cele|bitchy]

Win Adele’s ‘Live at the Royal Albert Hall’ DVD! [The Frisky]

Divas on divas. [OMGBlog]

Blake Lively bares her breasts again. [Lainey Gossip]

Breaking Dawn is a movie-eater. [LA Times]

The most horrifying period stories you’ve ever read. [Jezebel]

Blind item: cheating husband, lesbian housewife, alcoholic child star. [Hollywood Dame]

Jon Hamm‘s really big problem. [Pajiba]