Oh, the saga of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel. These two have a long history of undeniable passion and bike riding. But now, we’re about to step things up a notch, because marriage is on the table. Or at least it is if Jessica wants it to be:

When Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel reconciled in July after a five-month split, friends assumed this time they’d marry. (The couple have been dating on and off for nearly five years.)

And a source tells Us Weekly it’ll be Biel, 29, who decides: “Justin thinks marriage would hurt his career, but if Jessica threatened to leave, he’d do it,” the source says of the In Time actor, 30.

The pal adds that New Year’s Eve actress Biel (who took Timberlake back after he cheated) now “has the power” in the relationship.

As  someone who doesn’t know either party personally but who professionally sifts through countless stories, rumors, and photos of the couple, this seems a little far-fetched. To me, it’s always seemed like Jessica was That Girl who loves her boyfriend sooooo much and isn’t he just the greatest thing and sure, maybe he cheated or whatever, but just look at his little face, whereas Justin is That Guy who likes to keep a hot girl on standby at all times. But maybe that’s just my opinion.

Do you guys see a Biel-Timberlake wedding anytime soon?

The answer: maybe. See, if My Week with Marilyn, the movie where Michelle Williams looks absolutely flawless as Marilyn Monroe, does well, producer Harvey Weinstein has big dreams of developing the story for Broadway, and if that move goes well, his first choice for the lead is none other than Katy Perry.

Gag me with a spoon.

There have been times before when I bitched about pop stars and teen idols making the leap to theatre. It just makes me sad, the thought of tons of kids screaming during a production of Les Mis like they’re at the Teen Choice Awards or something. But, as some of you have wisely pointed out in the comments, if it gets a younger audience into theatre, then it’s a good thing. And I can accept that. Here’s what I can’t accept: Katy Perry acting.

Her Sesame Street skit? Her bit on SNL? Her Proactiv commercial, for heaven’s sake? Come on now. To watch Katy Perry say scripted words for a minute and a half is tragically amusing at best, and someone is thinking of making her the star of an entire show?

And here I thought society was making progress.

Nah, I’m just joshing, these kids didn’t ruin Thanksgiving. Did you Americans enjoy a variety of meats and pies with your nearest and dearest? Did you watch any football games or parades? Did you have to sit next to your bitchy cousin and her douchebag husband until you just couldn’t take it anymore and had to make an escape to the balcony to hang out with the morbidly obese dog who desperately wanted back inside to steal some turkey? Yes? Then Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina, the top two country sweethearts from this past season of American Idol, didn’t ruin Thanksgiving for anybody.

But man, they sure did try.

Here’s a video of Scotty performing at the Macy’s Day Parade, doing some mighty fine lip syncing:

And Lauren forgetting the words to that one song about America and some banner at the Lions vs. Packers game:

Kids today, right?

I know you guys are probably going crazy over this team-up, but I’ll be honest with you: I had no clue that Justin Bieber even knew who Boyz II Men were. Or that Justin Bieber was deciding to single-handedly ruin the musical memories of my adolescence, hit artist by hit artist.

Anyway, this is Justin’s video for his newest Christmas song, ‘Fa La La (ft. Boyz II Men)’, and I’m really glad that tomorrow’s Thanksgiving, because I just can’t continue in this preparing-for-Christmas-with-Justin-Bieber vein. All I want to do is anesthetize myself with tons of turkey and stuffing, and think of the time when things were much simpler. I know you guys probably do, too, but I knew you’d be curious as to what Justin’s got going on this holiday season.

Happy Thanksgiving, guys, and we’ll catch you on Black Friday!

“That’s one of the things [going to visit fiance David Otunga] that saved my life, because I could have been home with my mom then. He wanted me to come out to Florida with him instead of going to Chicago. I flew out to see him; that’s why I’m still here. I’ve never said that before, and I can’t believe I just said that now. But I didn’t know. He was just like, ‘I’m going to this wrestling thing, and it’s in Tampa. I’m going out there now, so you can come out there and see me versus going home’.”

Jennifer, of course, speaking about the horrific … HORROR (I know; there’s just no other way I can convey my absolute horror over what happened in her childhood home when her sister’s ex-boyfriend decided to kill her mother, brother, and nephew) that happened back in 2008. I just can’t believe it’s been three years already, and if I can’t believe it, I’m sure Jennifer here can’t.

Some things, there are just no words for. This is one of them.

Is it me, or is there just something so unbelievably entrancing about this woman? Of course, I’m talking completely aside from her fabulous, voluptuous, natural boobs. I’m talking about the depth of the characters she plays in her films. I’m talking about the smoky seduction that just oozes right out of every one of Marion‘s pores. I’m talking about how damned GOOD she looks in black and white, like a sultry siren from the era of silent films. I’m also talking about her fabulous rack, I can’t lie – and good GOD is she hot.