Which test, you ask? Why, baby Tristyn Yeater’s paternity test! And honestly, I’m a little shocked, because—I’ve said it before—I don’t think the Biebz should even deign to acknowledge Mariah Yeater. I mean, even if Bieber does actually bang all his tween fans backstage (yawn), this Mariah Yeater character is pretty clearly nuts. I figure we should do our best to forget about her. Zzz.
All the same, Bieber is going the high road and taking that paternity test anyway, according to his lawyer. There’s a method to Bieber’s madness: once he proves he isn’t the father of Yeater’s child, he reportedly plans to sue her ever-living pants off.
And to this I’m like, “Ha!” but I’m also like, “Seriously?” I mean, Yeater’s move was an obvious, calculated cash-grab. She’s a violent kook, sure, but she’s also a struggling single mom, already facing permanent financial ruin. And no matter who you are, babies are not collateral. Sigh. I guess what I’m saying is, somebody needs to rescue that poor infant.