Isn’t that a hoot? Ali says this about the public’s interest in her recent non-plastic surgery plastic surgery:

“I was cracking up. Because, like, when would I do that (surgery)? I’m 17 years old. That’s not legal! I would need my mother’s signature, and do you think my mom would sign off on that? No! Its not the right thing to do. It’s stupid. I don’t listen to it. Its absolutely not true.”

In the same interview with Page Six magazine, she also counters allegations that her drastic weight loss could possibly be attributed to drug use:

… Aliana insists she is the opposite of a wild child, she doesn’t drink or smoke, and, “I just say no [to drugs]. I’m lucky enough that I had my sister to learn from…I’ve seen people do it to her and I’ve learned to be like, ‘That’s stupid, no’. That’s why Lindsay and me are so close, because we’re able to talk about those things together.”

I don’t know. I’m just all ‘meh’ about this girl. She claims she’s a big girl, she’s grown up, she’s learned from her familial mistakes, and now she wants to be called by her given name, Aliana Lohan, but guys? I honestly just don’t give a shit enough about this girl (this Lohan) to make the effort to change her damn category tag to “Aliana Lohan.” It’s just not worth it to me – I’m sorry.

See that photo? That was posted on Ashton‘s Twitter page, complete with the caption “Country Giving,” whatever the hell that means. What’s he giving? Is he secluding himself in the sticks and giving up cheap, sell-out vadge for the upcoming Lenten season? Is he giving the cow in the background a rectal? Is he giving himself time to grow out that stupid, pube-looking beard?

What the hell, Ashton?

Aw, now, isn’t that sweet? The life of a princess. Sleeping ’til noon, sexy outfits, hair and makeup done like what, mochas? She’s totally industrious, too, with that whole making-her-own-coffee thing. That’s pretty impressive. I have a damn hard time foaming my own milk, but Courtney here has apparently got the gig down pat. I see I have some stuff to catch up on, criminy.

Oh, also, I apologize profusely for the “two Courtney Stodden posts in one day” thing. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself, and folks, this is one of them. I simply couldn’t deprive you of the goodness and entertainment that is girlfriend’s whole-body facial tic.

To look at her, though, you for sure wouldn’t think so. Jess says to People:

“People always say that pregnant women have a glow. And I say it’s because you’re sweating to death. I think they just tell pregnant women they’re glowing to make them feel good about themselves, because everything makes them a little bit emotional.”

I hear you, girlfriend, but I don’t think you should be worrying – you’re gorgeous. Also, your baby bump is very apparently real, and it doesn’t fold up when you do simple, everyday things like walking around. I’m also glad that you’re not strangling the poor kid to death, wearing tight-ass clothing and trying to look as non-pregnant as possible. Bonus points for you there, girl. Your willingness to carry a fetus and experience all that goes with it might be the most refreshing part of this whole entire thing, you know?

Woo! Don’t you bet she’s just so excited? What, with that loser extortionist ex-fiance of hers being all locked up in jail for the rest of his life or something (I mean, wasn’t he stealing from the Vatican? How does one even pull that off?). She’s got to be completely thrilled that more options have opened up to her, and really, why not? Why not Anne? She’s as good as six Kardashians put together, and look how excited everyone got when Kim recycled her self-bought “engagement ring” from Reggie Bush! I don’t know about you guys, but Anne’s had a big, big year – and I think she’s got this whole A-list thing on lockdown.

Congrats, girl!

Sit back, swallow that, and tell me this isn’t some kind of warped damage control.

According to Us Weekly:

Get ready for one more member of the extended Kardashian family to keep up with! Kourtney Kardashian and beau Scott Disick are expecting their second child together, they tell the new Us Weekly in an exclusive cover story.

The E! reality star, 32, took a pregnancy test about five weeks ago — and woke up Disick, 28 (not a morning person!), around 7.a.m. to tell him the positive results.

“Now I’m nine weeks along,” Kardashian tells Us. “You’re supposed to wait 12 weeks to tell people, but I feel confident.”

The son or daughter-to-be will be the second child for the couple of five years, whose son Mason, nearly 2, was a bit of a surprise.

Not so much for baby number two, the happy couple tells Us.

“It wasn’t like we weren’t trying,” Disick, 28, says. “We kind of just said, ‘If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.’”

Oh boy. Let’s just hope that Kourtney doesn’t put on more than six pounds during her pregnancy, or it might make Scott Disick relapse again. Good luck … to the poor kid.