I’m just kidding, everybody, of course I know that Jessica Simpson is pregnant. Everybody knows that Jessica Simpson is pregnant. It’s just fun to look at all the pictures, isn’t it, without any confirmation? It’s like one of those super fun “is she or isn’t she” games, except this time if we’re wrong it probably means she has a giant tumor or a deadly burrito addiction. The stakes are high, friends, and it’s thrilling.

So who still thinks it’s a food baby?

Zooey Deschanel can’t do anything wrong. There, I said it. I would listen to her beautiful music and look at her beautiful face for days. Also, have you been watching New Girl? I rest my case.

For those of you who love Zooey as much as I do, here are 25 facts that will probably make you love her even more:

1. I accidentally entered a beauty pageant.

2. I hate camping, but I love summer camp.

3. I took three years off from acting and toured with my band, She & Him.

4. I used to dress up like a princess to do my homework.

5. I have had brown hair and bangs since I was 2. One year I dyed it blonde, which felt so weird.

6. I drove my mom’s old Volvo until just a few years ago.

7. I had a party at the American Girl store — recently.

8. I love coffee. I mean, I really love coffee.

9. I am always early to work but sometimes late to other things.

10. I started a comedy website for females, with my friends Sophia and Molly [Editor's Note: we know her], called HelloGiggles.

11. I know This is Spinal Tap by heart.

12. I am really competitive at board games.

13. I talk to my mom every day.

14. I love work more than vacations.

15. I love pictures of people’s dogs.

16. I am pretty crafty. I like to bake.

17. I hate papaya.

18. I use scrunchies. Don’t judge.

19. I love pajamas.

20. I am a true blue music nerd.

21. I love cereal.

22.Pastoralia by George Saunders is one of my favorite novels.

23. I have bows painted on my toenails.

24. I took six years of tap-dancing lessons.

25. My first acting job was as Little Red Riding Hood.

Did it work? You love her more now, right? Oh, I’m so glad! Now excuse me while I dress up like a princess to do my homework.

I swear, just the other day I was thinking to myself “when was the last time that Beyonce released a music video? Why, it has to have been at least six or seven days!” And you guys, I just got myself all worked up, because if a whole week goes by without a brand new Beyonce music video, I get nervous. I get nervous and antsy and worried about Bey and her life.

Glory be to Beyonce though, because after NINE WHOLE DAYS, she went and gave us a new video for her song “Party.” Do you love it?  Are you as relieved as I am?  How long do you think she’s going to keep this up?

“The sex scene is never described in the book, so every single person who read it had their own idea in their mind. The entire time we were filming it we thought “We have to make this look spectacular to everyone,” and we were thinking on how to meet people’s expectations. But you also worry about how you’re going to look, I had never been so worried about that before, but after seeing how much Taylor works out for the movies, I thought “Well, everybody is really going to judge me now.” I always tried to think about positions where where I could tense the muscles, and suck in my belly… Ok, I think I just gave the most vain answer I could come up with.”

- Robert Pattinson, the most tender boy in the world, talks Breaking Dawn.

You know, I really do think that Robert Pattinson is the most tender, delicate little flower. He got self conscious over Taylor Lautner‘s werewolf abs, how sweet! And can’t you just see Rob squirm around, sucking in his tummy while Kristen Stewart bites her lip and mumble-moans?

That’s why Breaking Dawn is going to be the best film of 2011.

Is it any surprise that Mariah Carey designed this nursery? The glamour, the opulence: it really just screams Mariah, doesn’t it?

Here are all the details on Roc and Roe‘s fabulous nursery:

Now, Life & Style brings you inside Moroccan and Monroe’s (nicknamed Roc and Roe) luxurious NYC nursery filled with Roberto Cavalli designed matching outfits, plush stuffed animals and AFK cribs worth $3,594 a piece!

“I wanted to create a beautiful, tranquil, cozy environment,” Mariah tells Life & Style of their two beautiful nurseries in their Bel Air Mansion and Tribeca penthouse in NYC.

“Designing the nurseries with Gail Sedigh of AFK Furniture and Mario Buatta was so challenging because I had such specific ideas I wanted implemented,” she tells Life & Style. “I feel like I’m bringing two individuals into the world, so I wanted to do more than cookie-cutter styles in blue and pink.”

So the singer made sure to encompass everything she desired.

But no gift is greater than being a mom. “I feel so doubly blessed to have such a perfect start to our family,” Mariah gushed. “It’s perfect — it couldn’t be better.”

Personally, I’m torn between being all “Way to spend like a zillion dollars on stuff these babies will only use for a year or two” and being all “OMG where are my giant stuffed animals?! Why am I not Mariah Carey’s kid? Why is the world so unfair? YOU FAILED ME, MOM!” Where are you guys on this?

That wily Michael Lohan! If you refuse to fellate him, you will be assaulted, and if you try to arrest him … well, you can arrest him, but don’t expect him take it lying down.

Predictably, this last time that Michael Lohan got arrested for assaulting his lady didn’t go so smoothly. Here’s what happened: the cops came, they handcuffed him, and then oh, ow, ouch, wait, chest pains! So the cops took him to the hospital to get him checked out, and then, quiet as a mouse and sly as a fox, Michael grabbed the chance to slink on out of police custody.

At least, he tried. The police officers were a bit quicker than him, however, and snatched him up to go back to the police station, still stylishly wrapped up in his hospital gown. Classic Lohan!

Hey, like daughter, like father, right? Is that how that saying goes?