It’s funny, because Kim Kardashian is dressed like Poison Ivy and she always makes me feel itchy. Get it? Because of the psoriasis and a general feeling of discomfort? No? Ok.

I suppose it doesn’t matter much anyway, because this is mainly an excuse to talk about Halloween. Did you guys have a super time this weekend? Did you dress up as the slutty version of something else? Did you get wasted and make poor decisions or did you stay in and watch scary movies? Or did you go in a more me-like direction and stay in and watch this show called Puppies Vs. Babies and take a nap? Let’s hear about it!

If you feel uncomfortable discussing your own lives, discussing how Kim Kardashian makes you feel is also appropriate.

Come on, just look at Robert‘s face up there. Doesn’t it just scream sex? I thought so.

One of the very best things of the impending Breaking Dawn premiere is that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are just talking and talking (and talking) to everyone about it. For example, Rob’s already hit on the subject of vampire sex once this week! It’s like we’re swimming in a sea of publicity and silly vampires and the most dedicated fangirls in the world, and I love it.

Anyway, let’s see what Rob has to say about these very important topics:

On maybe being married to Kristen Stewart already: “The wedding scene’s funny because we used a real priest. So technically we are already married because he did all the things you would do in a normal ceremony. So we don’t have a civil union in law, but I guess in the church we are actually married.”

On the sex scene: “The sex scenes were difficult. The set was crazy and you have about 20 people in the room and someone saying things like: ‘No, Bella would not have made that noise. Can we do it again?’ It was very charged, but a very tender and sentimental scene. It’s not a scene from the book, so everyone was nervous about doing it right. A ton of other people were nervous. And, Kristen and I were both worried about the shape of our bodies would look on camera. We felt vulnerable.”

On Breaking Dawn‘s message: “I’ve never been able to relate to that fear of sex or sexuality. It’s funny that all three movies portray sex as something scary and then, when they have sex in the fourth movie, they have a child with really rather devastating consequences. I’m not sure what they are trying to say. . .never have sex with anyone ever?”

Wouldn’t it be so sneaky and hip and just so Robsten is that’s how this couple got married? And don’t you love how hard Robert’s going to trash talk this whole series when the whole thing’s over? We’ve got a lot more to look forward to after this premiere is over, friends, so don’t think the Twilight phenomenon is going to be over any time soon.

“Us American males are big fans of Pippa. We like the Middletons very much. I’m going to sound like a sleazeball. I’m going to stop right there!”

- Justin Timberlake shares his creepy desires with Us magazine.

Is this true? Is that what you American males are attracted to these days, Kate and Pippa Middleton? Because I’m sorry, but unless you’re really into fancy parties or fancy hats, then I really don’t understand what you guys and Justin Timberlake go for.

The last time we really heard anything about Billy Ray Cyrus was all the way back in March. It was that time that he was going to divorce his wife but then changed his mind, remember? Since then, the well of Billy Ray gossip has run woefully dry, but not anymore, friends. No, because now, the magic of Twitter brings us the knowledge that Billy Ray Cyrus is hunting UFOs.

Here’s his darling Tweet:

O. K. . ..my first U F O sighting.Looks like 5 or 6 disk like shapes hovering. Special moment 4 DAD

And, since I care about you, here’s the photo itself:

Well, what do we think?  Did Billy Ray spot a handful of UFOs, or did Billy Ray spot the sun?

Why, so she can get those babies good at entertainin’ for to move them out to Hollywood, o’ course! Yippee!

Yeah, but remember when Kate Gosselin said that she wanted to stay in show biz for a while? When she made the actual statement, she suggested that someone give her a talk show. It looks like that didn’t happen as planned though, because word on the street is that Kate’s all set on pimping her kids out for money and fame. Or, you know, pimping her kids out for money and fame again.

From the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Money-hungry mom Kate Gosselin plans to enroll her eight kids in singing and acting classes, and then, after they sharpen their talents, move to Los Angeles, the Enquirer has learned.

“Kate’s ultimate goal is to get her kids into the entertainment business and manage their careers,” an insider told The Enquirer. “She’s looking into acting, singing and dancing classes near the family’s home in Pennsylvania. She wants to get the kids started in commercials by next year…”

Kate believes that she can be the mother of all stage moms, making big bucks by managing the kids’ careers, although she has yet to convince her ex-hubby, said the source.

“Jon’s been very outspoken about wanting to keep the children off TV,” the insider said.

“But Kate has slowly been talking him into it by promising to keep the spotlight off the kids’ personal lives. If she gets her way, the whole family will be hollywood bound by next year!”

Now that all of us plus Anderson Cooper plus her own kids hate Kate, do you think we can make some sort of citizen’s arrest? We have some extra lumber at my house from building the porch, I’m sure we can figure out how to make some stocks. That way we can lock Kate up in the town square and throw produce at her until she learns.

Does anybody have any other ideas?

Oh, Snooki. Honey child, we’re all really proud of you for writing these books, we really are, and trust me, I think it’s great that you’re following your dreams and trying to become a role model. But Nicole, darling, please just believe me when I tell you that you’re going to have to actually open your eyes and learn something about the world around you. Just do that one thing, and I promise that you’ll be well on your way to greatness.

In case you might think that I’m being a little too hard on Snickers here, check out what she had to say to Jimmy Kimmel about fellow authors:

The pint-sized reality TV star visited “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” last night to promote her second book, “Confessions Of A Guidette” and confirmed that it’s somehow possible to be a best-selling author and not know who J.K. Rowling and Maya Angelou are.

Host Jimmy Kimmel told the reality star he was astounded that Snooki was able to write three books, (yes, she has a sequel to “Shore Thing” coming out as well) in a year when it takes an author like J.K Rowling three years to write a single book.

Snooki told Kimmel, “I don’t know who that is, but I’m here.” When told that Rowling is the author behind the “Harry Potter” series, Snooki replied, “Oh, ok, those movies are cool.”

Later Kimmel joked to Snooki that she had used the word “friggin” 74 times in her book, breaking a record set by Dr. Maya Angelou.

“I don’t know who that is … I don’t know who anybody is!” she said.

We know, Snooki.  We know.