Oh Jessica. What’s the deal here? If you’re pregnant, just admit it already. I’m so tired of being stuck in the is-she-isn’t-she limbo; it’s hard on me, and it’s hard on our readers, I think. If you’ve got a bun in the oven, just say so – if not? Well. Just never mind then, I suppose. Either way, we’ve stuck with you through both thick and thin – you owe us at least that much at the very least.

What do you guys have to say?

Refer to the photos in the gallery for more evidence.

I know we’ve all had our share of giggles about Robert Pattinson and his longstanding dream of a music career. Ha, ha! But stop your laughing and dry your eyes, because Hugh Jackman will have you know that Young Mister Pattinson has a “really soulful, very pure, very beautiful singing voice.”

Jackman signed up to work with Pattinson on Unbound Captives way back in 2009, but they first met in 2008 on a flight to Tokyo. The story about Jackman, Pattinson, and Australia director Baz Luhrmann all hitting a Japanese “karaoke box” together might be old news, sure, but this is the first time Jackman has talked about the experience.

Revelations abound!

1) Robert Pattinson has a beautiful singing voice!
2) HUGH JACKMAN WORE A SCHOOLGIRL COSTUME. (Teehee!)

From MTV’s Rough Cut, with perennially easygoing interviewer Josh Horowitz:

Josh: “Have you ever met Rob? Or have you—”

Hugh: “Yeah! I actually did karaoke with Rob.”

Josh: “What?”

Hugh: “Right? That’s random, isn’t it.”

Josh: “What did you guys sing?”

Hugh: “We were on our way to Japan, and he was promoting, and I didn’t talk to him at all on the flight, because it’s just this really tall guy with a hood over his head.” [slumps in chair]

Josh: [giggling] “That’s Rob!”

(more…)

I mean, I know you really, really, really want me to be, and it’s really the only thing that’s going on in your little bubble of life right now, but I just don’t have it in me to do it, sweetheart. You kicked the Eternal Douche Ryan Reynolds to the curb, and I respected you for that. I felt you as an artist branching out on her own, not wanting to be held back by the constraints of a partner with sub-par acting skills in sub-par movies, a partner who’s main decisions in life amounted to “Which of the three same douchey plots should I act in this month” and “Which gym should I go to today.” Then you started dating Sean Penn, and just because I have an older-man-fetish thing myself, I thought it was kind of hot. Then, when he decided that he wanted to move onto some younger poon, you had to be That Girl and cling, cling, cling, and I? Well, I shook my head in sadness and moderate disbelief. After that, it all went downhill. You released some unimpressive nudes and threatened to have the FBI shoot up our doors for having the sheer audacity to look at them, and then you balked and talked about how much your privacy means to you. But OK, girl. If this is how you want to play, have at it. I’m still not going to see your silly movie, though, understand?

And it’s not even because girlfriend here is chewing on raw meat. She’d need a good gastro doctor for that, ’cause I have no doubts that shit’s been sitting out for awhile. SALMONELLA. You know how long these photo shoots sometimes take. Just ask Robert Pattinson – he had to sit about and percolate in the horrid waxy stench of vagina for hours. Can you just imagine how long that slab of eye round’s been laying around? BOTULISM.

No, the reason Mischa needs a good cleaning (and maybe even deep scaling!) is evidenced in one of the photos in the gallery. Sloppy Mischa‘s mouth is wide open and you can obviously see the yellowing, browning and gradual decay of her back teeth. I’m sorry, guys, but there’s never an excuse for that if you own a damned toothbrush and CAN AFFORD COMPREHENSIVE DENTAL CARE.

Photos courtesy of Tyler Shields

Lindsay stole $90k. [The Superficial]

12 Celebrities occupying Wall Street. [The Frisky]

Kelsey Grammer wants his ex-wife gagged. [TMZ]

Selena Gomez‘s teeny-weenie shorts. [Starpulse]

More reasons to love Michelle Yeoh. [Lainey Gossip]

How Rosie got back on TV. [LA Times]

Paz de la Huerta nudes! Paz de la Huerta nudes! [Yeeeah]

Alexander Skarsgard has sex when he’s bored. [Socialite Life]

Justin Bieber is “in love” with someone other than himself. [Amy Grindhouse]

11 TV actors who might go big. [Pajiba]

Christina Aguilera is unaware of how she looks. [Cele|bitchy]

Jessica Simpson is definitely pregnant. [The Superficial]

Well this is pretty interesting. Falling down drunk, doing interviews (surprising all on its own) complete with inappropriate rape analogies, and you know what? I just truly realized that Johnny Depp goes by the first name ‘Johnny,’ like, for real. I mean, ‘Johnny’? Is that even cool? What would you do if you knew a guy that seriously referred to himself as ‘Johnny’? Wouldn’t you think he was kind of a tool, too?

I don’t know what’s going on with our boy here lately, but something’s apparently amiss. I just hope it doesn’t affect production of Pirates of the Caribbean 5-28, because that would really f*ck my world up something big.