Michael Douglas has signed to star in a biopic about Liberace! And boy, can I see it. At first I couldn’t, but then I put that little photo of Liberace (inset) on top of a photo of Michael Douglas (outset), and then I was like, Oh. A spray tan and a wig, and Douglas is totally ready for Vegas.

Details are sparse so far, but we do know the Steven Soderbergh-directed flick will be based on Scott Thorson’s salacious, tabloidy 1988 tell-all, Behind the Candelabra: My Life with Liberace. And co-starring as jilted lover Scott Thorson? That would be Matt Damon! (Which sure brings new meaning to… well, never mind.)

Liberace—the pianist and showman whose campy opulence overshadowed his technical ability—fought rumors of homosexuality right up until his death in 1987. For five years Scott Thorson had been employed as Liberace’s personal bodyguard and driver, though if Thorson is to be believed, he was so much more. After the couple’s alleged (and tempestuous) breakup in 1982, Thorson famously filed a $113 million “palimony” lawsuit. They settled out of court.

The subject matter seems a little weird for a Soderbergh movie, but I have faith. Soderbergh has been working on this project for four years, and shopping it for two; HBO was evidently the only taker.

On a sadder note, the Liberace Museum closed its hallowed doors exactly one year ago, leaving a mountain of fur coats and diamonds orphaned.

Community star Alison Brie recently tweeted,

Comparing close-up shots of my cleavage and @joelmchale’s butt crack and they’re eerily identical. #buttboobies

Donald Glover posted the uncouth snapshots in question to his Twitter (NSFW) for your—yes, your—perusal. In one photo: Miss Brie’s comely gazoombas; in the other, suspiciously babylike butt-cleavage, belonging to The Soup‘s very own Joel McHale. The similarities are uncanny!

But which is which? Can you solve the puzzle? (This is totally like Highlights for Kids!)

The probably-not-safe-for-work images are after the cut.

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Yeah, so this girl in Brazil got this sweet tattoo as a way of expressing her love of everyone’s favorite douchebag, Ashton Kutcher. And yes, it does read “Ashton Kutcher I love you, love is forever fan love you.” And yes, this is the best tattoo I’ve ever seen.

Do you love it or do you love it?

Am I jumping the gun with this one? Maybe. But you let me know one other woman who fits this description, just one other woman, and I’ll take it back*.

Check out this blind item describing the recent behavior of Christina Aguilera (or whoever):

This former A list female singer and now still a great singer, but more of a hot disheveled mess with lots of money to burn would be a more accurate description. Our singer has been partying a lot. She knows she parties and she knows she has way too much drink many nights of the week. Since her significant other is not any better about partying and can’t trust him to save her if she starts to die during the night, she has a baby monitor that she takes with her wherever she goes. One goes in her room and one goes in the room of her bodyguard. Always. She leaves them on 24 hours a day just in case she forgets to turn it on before she goes to sleep. So, the various bodyguards that have come into her life the past six months or so have heard everything from the craziest loudest fights to the craziest loudest sex, to the craziest loudest snoring from a woman that has ever been heard.

Yeah. Doesn’t that just ooze Christina? Couldn’t you just see her carrying around a little baby monitor, being all “no, you don’t understand, bodyguard, I could die. I could die. You don’t understand. Where’s my boyfriend? Where’s my drink? Waaaaaah!” Because I could. I could so hard.

Any other guesses, or do you think Christina is the obvious answer?

*I’ll never take it back.

Honestly, just think of all the similarities between Courtney Stodden and Marilyn Monroe! Back up, Lindsay, because there’s a new dangerously delusional bleach blonde in town!

This photo was posted on Courtney’s glorious Twitter account, along with the following caption:

Placing my hands in Marilyn Monroe’s provocative prints & what a perfect fit it is! XOs ;-x

Oh my goodness, this girl. A perfect fit, indeed!

Do you think we could possibly arrange a Marilyn-off? And Lindsay and Courtney would dress up and sing “Happy Birthday” to Obama and eventually get in the most glamorous cat fight the world has ever seen? Can we get that going somehow?

To answer the question posed in the headline, yes and no. “No” because nothing is official yet, but “yes” because Queen’s remaining members and perhaps Lady Gaga herself are real interested in spitting all over Freddie Mercury‘s majestic grave by getting this girl to take over. Do you feel nauseous yet? Well, hold on:

Guitarist Brian May has said that among the singers Queen’s considered to front the band, Lady Gaga is a top contender. “We get a lot of offers to work with other people,” May told Express. “I worked with Lady Gaga and she’s very creative and is someone we’ve talked about singing, fronting the band with. She’s not just a singer, she writes her own material.”And apparently Gaga is into the idea, as May noted that she confirmed “she would like to do something with us.”

I swear, if this means that Gaga will be doing classic Queen songs, I will die. I will lay down and die. If I hear Lady Gaga sing a single line from “Somebody to Love” I will cease to exist.

Do you think Lady Gaga could handle this gig? Or, more importantly, do you think anyone could even come close to filling Freddie Mercury’s shoes?