I know that the Beatles sang a whole song about how you can’t buy love, and everyone’s grandma has always said that money doesn’t buy happiness. But come on, it’s 2011, and no girl is going to be all “whatever” about her boyfriend buying her mountains and mountains of underwears and every single flower in a flower shop. I mean, yeah, yeah, true love and all, but a private screening of Titanic? Sure, I’m in love, can we watch The Little Mermaid next?

All reasoning aside, here’s the question:

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“Look, we saw some amazing people. Scarlett Johansson was great. It was a great audition, I’m telling you. But the thing with Scarlett is, you can’t wait for her to take her clothes off. I keep trying to explain this. Salander should be like E.T. If you put E.T. dolls out before anyone had seen the movie, they would say, ‘What is this little squishy thing?’ Well, you know what? When he hides under the table and he grabs the Reese’s Pieces, you love him! It has to be like that.”

This would be David Fincher, director of Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, on casting Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander instead of Scarlett Johansson, who was allegedly being considered for the part at one point.

All I can say (about the entire thing, really), is WHAT? Scarlett Johansson as Lisbeth Salander? Squishy E.T.? A personal slight on Rooney Mara’s endearing gawkiness? REESE’S PIECES? What the hell is this guy on, and can I possibly get me some of it?

This time, I’m not talking about her trusty old sides of ham, either. Remember girlfriend lost all that cannoli and White Russian weight by “healthy dieting“? Word has it that it was actually all due to diet pills and starvation and purging after in-depth makeout sessions with Deena Cortese, but hey. Who’s counting when it comes to the Jersey Shore kids these days. (Answer: not Kate Winslet, that’s for damn sure.)

Anyway, the outfit, the outfit. That’s what this is supposed to be all about today, the outfit. How do we feel about it? Think it was constructed through clothes in the Situation’s own personal lady lost-and-found box? Sure seems that way to me.

I guess you don’t really even have to see the movie, which is premiering next month, now, right? Ha, PSYCH! Rabid wolves probably couldn’t tear some of you from that premiere (myself included, which really illustrates the sad state of affairs this world is in, as I used to be a hardcore Twilight haterade sipper).

Get some!

It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!

We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!

The winner on last week’s Jayde Nicole photo: Monkeysuit
“This place gives me the creeps. Have you seen that bug-eyed floating head behind me?”

First runner-up: Harriet Meadow
(Woman on Right) – “Oh my god, the boobs on her *back* are even better!”

Second runner-up: Brittany
“Bitches in the back.”

Congrats to Monkeysuit! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!

Katie Holmes is one of those celebrities that I will never get sick of … looking at. She’s sort of average-ish, I guess, but in her average-ness is complete gorgeousness. I’m not saying that anyone who can snag Tom Cruise has got to be hot, because I think he was getting pretty desperate to settle down when he “chose” Katie out of a group of five or six other Hollywood starlets who happened to be available at the time, but I am saying that Tom kind of won the marriage lottery, because Katie gets far less credit than what she actually deserves. I mean, yeah, she moves her face in funny ways when she talks and sort of portrays every character she’s cast as the same, but hey. Her beginnings were humble – she came from Dawson’s Creek, and hell. Look where she is now.

Keep on keeping on, Kate.