“They couldn’t understand what I was doing. You know? To the point where Disney wanted to—wanted to fire me. They didn’t understand the character. They were actually contemplating subtitling the film.”

—Johnny Depp tells Larry King about Disney executives’ reaction to his mumblecore performance in Pirates of the Caribbean.

I absolutely cannot imagine a world without Captain Jack Sparrow. Say what you will about Johnny Depp and his recent campaign to make us hate him, but the guy knows how to make art out of a paycheck.

P.S. I’m not too sure about Johnny Depp’s shorn, sloppy, Charlie Sheen-esque ’90s hair, no, but I just can’t stay mad at the guy.

D’aaawwww. Before she became a blonde bombshell, Scarlett Johansson was the cutest, most precocious little girl.

Here’s the youngster at age 11, auditioning for Jumanji. I like the way she plays Judy Shepherd, too! Kind of surly, y’know?

And just for funsies, here’s Natalie Portman at 12ish, auditioning for her star-making turn in Leon: the Professional.

Today is Ryan Reynolds‘ birthday, and guess who’s celebrating? Me! I am! I have a cake and a party hat and this plaintive-sounding party kazoo and everything. I’m all ready. Happy 35th birthday, Ryan!

Wait. Who’s that? Who’s that anonymous blonde who flew to Boston to hang out with Ryan all Birthday Weekend long? Oh, no. It’s Blake Lively! Gee, she sure got over her last relationship pretty quickly.

Hmph. According to Radar, this is the third weekend in a row the pair have been spied together. I’d never had strong feelings about Blake Lively before—although I’ve been impressed, admittedly, by her demonstrative moxie—but I recently slept through Green Lantern, and I’m beginning to think this girl is the worst. Ugh.

Plus, this particular celebrity pairing is soooooo obvious. Truth is, I was perfectly content believing Ryan Reynolds and Charlize Theron were an item. FROM CHARLIZE TO THIS? RYAN, HOW DARE YOU.

(Images of the new couple sneaking around via Radar.)

Paul McCartney wed Nancy Shevell way back on October 9, and their wedding reception lasted all hours of the night, even inspiring a noise complaint.

The couple is still reportedly celebrating in New York City, you guys! They threw another reception Friday night; Jon Bon Jovi and Barbara Walters attended the fete (slow down, Barbara!), and even Yoko Ono was a surprise guest. And guess who else attended! Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters! He’s scheduled to perform at Neil Young’s Bridge School Benefit Concert tonight, as it happens. Dude. Why is Dave Grohl so busy all of a sudden?

Anyway, wow. Paul McCartney might be an oldy-McOlderson, but he is unstoppable—he reportedly rocked the party till 1:30 in the morning.

So! You like Neil Young? His sound is very distinctive. What about Win Butler of the Arcade Fire? (The band’s sound is also distinctive.)

Sure you like them! You have a heart, after all. Here they are, performing Crosby, Stills, and Nash’s “Helpless” at last night’s Annual Bridge School Benefit Concert, Neil Young’s two-day all-acoustic charity benefit. The pairing makes a strange sense, right? Why didn’t I see it before? Hmm.

Beck also played the event, along with Devendra Banhart, Norah Jones, and Dave Matthews. Tony Bennett will perform later today.

At long last! Meet Moroccan and Monroe, Mariah Carey‘s babies with husband Nick Cannon. Well, OK—in the preview clip from 20/20 you really only see the backs of the babies’ heads. (But! The full interview is embedded below! BABIES!)

The happy foursome sat down with Barbara Walters to talk about love, marriage, and baby-makin’. And although it’s old news, I sincerely did not know about Mariah’s miscarriage. Ugh.

If you have time, do watch the whole interview, which first aired last night. I’d always wondered what makes this couple tick, and the way Mariah Carey is always on the verge of snapping at Nick Cannon is kind of adorable. It really is! She can’t stop messing with him, and he’s totally into it.

Highlights:

- Mariah’s L.A. home has a huuuuge chandelier. (Lady, I’d expect nothing less.)

- The happy couple has indeed nicknamed the twins “Roc and Roe,” which is just, oh, no.

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