Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Justin Bieber is Intent on Ruining the Entire Holiday Season, Christmas Classic by Christmas Classic

So you guys all know how upset I was when I found out that bitch-ass Bieber and Mariah Carey were teaming up to desecrate “All I Want for Christmas (Is You)”, and I’m here to tell you flat-out – it does not get better. It does, however, get worse. Bieber and his mentor, Usher, have gotten together, those knuckeheads, to ruin “The Christmas Song”, as in “Chestnuts Roasting on an open fire …”

You know, this is killing me, friends. I positively live for Christmas, and Justin Bieber is making everything – EVERYTHING! – all about him. The nerve!

Also, does no one else see the irony of Bieber singing of “tiny tots” with their eyes “all aglow”? No? Alright then.

Oh. And nice, uh, cameo, Usher.