Watch This: Britney Spears’ “Criminal”

Here’s Britney Spears in her latest video, “Criminal”! (Which I predict will make karaoke very confusing for anyone hoping to sing a certain Fiona Apple song.) The video stars Spears’ agent/boyfriend, Jason Trawick, as her partner in crime. I sure hope it’s your longstanding dream to watch these two real-life lovebirds, ahem, ‘gilding the lily’, because there’s a lot of hanky-panky all up in this business.

The music video itself is very cinematic. It opens with Britney fighting with a man at a party (actor Freddy Bradshaw plays Brit’s villainous date). Britney runs to the bathroom to apply an ish-ton of perfume—why, it’s Radiance! A fragrance by Britney Spears—but suddenly here’s Freddy, yanking Britney out of the party and smacking her in the face.

This is when bystanding caterer (?) Jason Trawick intervenes. He gives Freddy what-for, Britney kicks Freddy in the nuts, and Trawick whisks Brit into the night on his motorcycle. Then, the music starts! Then the sexin’! (Idolator notes that Trawick’s chest tattoo seemingly reads “R.I.P. Goose.” Oh, dear.)

The rest of the video: Spears and Trawick hold up a convenience store, steal a car, have shower-sex, make out during a shootout, and evade the police. The end. Doesn’t Brit’s hair look great? Enjoy!