Look! The Muppets are doing a parody of a parody of a parody, but this parody is probably better than the real Paranormal Activity movie. No, but seriously, have any of you actually seen the new PA installation? Is it good? Does is suck hard?

In any case, the new Muppet movie is probably going to be awesome. I know, I’m sick of the 10,000 trailers too (though I’m probably a hypocrite for saying that, as I clearly can’t get enough of the Breaking Dawn clips), but this movie’s got a stellar cast (just can’t go wrong with the Muppets) and has an even more impressive list of guest stars to the likes of Whoopi Goldberg, Selena Gomez, Kathy Griffin, Dave Grohl, Neil Patrick Harris, John Krasinski, Mila Kunis, Katy Perry, Rachael Ray, Mickey Rooney, Sarah Silverman, French Stewart, Ben Stiller, Wanda Sykes and Danny Trejo. See? It doesn’t get any better.

And you’re probably wondering why I’d force it upon you if it’s so bad, right? Well because there are people out there like this and also like me who have nothing better to do with their time than to sit and view irrelevant clips of movies that haven’t been released, so that when we do go and see them in theaters we can piece them all together like a beautiful mosaic of disjointed dialog and awkward lip-biting melodrama.

Isn’t that reason enough?

The thing I can’t figure out, though, is whether Doug is dressed up as Courtney, or if Courtney’s dressed up as a skank and Doug’s just emulating that to follow suit and … oh, wait. Right.

Anyway, I think we know where Courtney gets her tits and abs – check out the photo in the gallery of Doug’s super amped-up cleavage. AIRBRUSH IS CONFIRMED, ladies and gentlemen.

Whatever, I guess. Let’s not ruin this thing for Courtney. She’s been prepping and priming for, like, the whole seventeen years she’s been on this planet, so let her live in her glory. Let her have her moment. Please?

It’s sad, you guys, but I had to give up my ghost-movie-watching hobby. It’s like, if you lie awake at night picturing some Kayako tiptoeing out of your chifferobe, or you panic slightly when you hear a CD skip, you have to finally say ‘when.’

But what if every yurei were really only an ordinary, angsty teenager, just trying to make a name for herself in Hollywood?

Here’s Funny or Die with its Halloween-themed special, “Scary Girl.” Enid Krysinski just wants to go to the mall! And hang out with her friends! And EAT YOUR SOUL.

Chloë Moretz—the vampire from Let Me In and Hit-Girl in Kick-Ass—plays Enid, the misunderstood teenaged monster. Jennifer Irwin (“Eastbound & Down”) costars as Enid’s vexed stage mom.

Jugs Malone indeed. [The Superficial]

Even more Hollywood Halloween photos. [Lainey Gossip]

Nicki Reed‘s painful-looking tattoo. [Starpulse]

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child is a barbarian just like him. [TMZ]

Taylor Swift nude leak photos that will probably result in a lawsuit. [Socialite Life]

Latin hunk Monday. [theBERRY]

What’s up with Ethan Hawke? [Cele|bitchy]

Elisabetta Canalis was the daughter, George Clooney, the father. [The Frisky]

Another little soccer player in the making? [Socialite Life]

PETA‘s never going to give it up. [Popbytes]

New Amy Winehouse album on its way out. [Huff Po]

Mel B’s daughter involved in a police standoff. [Bitten and Bound]

I’m sorry, but this STILL frightens me. [The Superficial]

Marc Jacobs, the actor? [OMGBlog]

Charlie Sheen won in the end. [Lainey Gossip]

Demi‘s drinking alone, a lot. [Us Magazine]

Adele‘s horrible cancer rumor. [ONTD]

There were rumors of trouble in paradise, but I, for one, am shocked. Shocked! Sadly, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from brand new husband (!) Kris Humphries, TMZ reports. And unfortunately, TMZ is never wrong.

The couple was married on August 20, making theirs one of the shortest, crappiest marriages this side of E!

TMZ:

We’re told even though the marriage was short, she will not seek an annulment. It’s a garden variety divorce, in which Kim cites “irreconcilable differences.”

We’re told the date of separation is listed as today, Oct. 31, 2011.

Kim has hired disso-queen Laura Wasser, who has repped the likes of Britney Spears, Maria Shriver, Angelina Jolie, Ryan Reynolds, and Robyn Gibson, Mel’s almost ex-wife.

But why did the marriage collapse so soon? Apparently, young Mr. Humphries expected the new Mrs. Humphries to move to Minnesota, while Kim is forever an L.A. girl. It’s the kind of thing you’d expect any newlywed couple to hammer out before the wedding but, TMZ explains, they “got caught up in the hooplah.” Other sources speculate that Kim’s decision to divorce may have been sparked by a recent lunch date with old flame Reggie Bush. At least one source believes the divorce was calculated.

Last night, Kim Kardashian was reportedly “miserable.”