Something about this photo rubs me the wrong way, and I can’t tell what it is. I don’t know if it’s the weird mid-ab wrinkle that Dane‘s got going on there, like he’s stashing last night pistachio shells or something within the folds, or if it’s how low his board shorts are hanging (I’m curious to see what’s below, but I’m also ashamed of myself because I can’t stop thinking about pistachio shells and the smell of stale beer), or maybe it’s Dane’s weird-armed girlfriend who looks like she just got a manicure whilst sunning herself on the sand. That, or she’s about to launch into a full-blown “What the fook am I doing here with Dane Cook?” realization tantrum (that’s probably a better guess – did you ever try to paint your nails on the beach? Stupid idea).
Let’s play the spot-how-many-effed-up-things-there-are-in-this-picture game, shall we?
1. Since when is Kim both a lot larger-headed and a lot taller than both of her sisters? She looks positively cut and pasted into the photo, right?
2. Why does it look like Kourtney‘s awkwardly feeling for a baby-pulse there in Khloe‘s midsection? Was that scripted, or was it an accident that no one noticed?
3. Khloe’s face came off looking the best in this picture, and I’m afraid that’s not Photoshop, guys.
4. And speaking of Khloe (again), I know she’s not as petite-thighed as the other two gals (who aren’t all that petite-thighed to begin with) but how in hell are the tops of her knees tinier than those of both Kim and Kourtney?
5. … And why is it that you can almost see the top area of Khloe’s knee when you can’t see Kim’s despite the fact that KIM’S TALLER IN THIS PHOTO?
Final verdict? What an awful shitshow of a job, Annie Leibovitz, jeez. I’ve come to expect better from you and your cronies.
You can check out the other two photos in the gallery – be sure to point out all of the WTFs that you see in those, too. Doubtless there’s a ton of ‘em.
The dude is Marcus Foster, and the song is ‘I Was Broken,’ and I don’t care how you feel about Kristen Stewart and all of the Twilight business: this is one positively gorgeous, emotive girl, and she makes me happy just looking at her. She’s got that kind of power, folks.
What do you think about Kristen’s video appearance, and moreover, what do you think about Marcus Foster and his song? This is a big deal for him, I suppose – it’s the first released single off of his first album (though he’d been featured in the first Twilight film) and his marketing firm is smart. It’s the perfect, angsty vampire-y feel for the majority of the Twilight die-hards out there, and if Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 hadn’t already wrapped, I’d guarantee that it’d be the focal point of the soundtrack. But hey. There’s always Pt. 2 on the horizon!
The lyric is “”Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife, I feel like I’m in the prime of my life,” and it’s from Joel’s hit song ‘I Go to Extremes.’ Think about it – now who oh who would fit that particular bill?
Hint: this star also has two other text tattoos that read both “I restore myself when I’m alone” and “Everyone’s a star and deserves the right to twinkle.”
If that doesn’t give it away, then … I guess you just better jump in and find out who got the newest stupid tattoo in Hollywood.
I mean, I guess that’s boho, right? She sort of looks like a gypsy-type, what with the long skirt and fringed top, you know? Either way, what I really want to talk about is girlfriend’s hair. I was kind of stricken when she decided to cut it all off for some obscure movie role, and I honestly thought it made her look like a nine-year-old, but now that it’s grown out a bit, I think it looks pretty awesome.
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