Teen Moms with more breast implants. [The Superficial]

Jeremy Renner in pants. [Lainey Gossip]

Lil Wayne thinks Lil Wayne is tops. [Bossip]

Prince William and Kate Middleton look awesome at a hospital dedication. [INFDaily]

Carey Mulligan‘s engagement ring. [ICYDK]

Another celebrity strips for PETA. [Starpulse]

Is Will Arnett no longer cool? [Huff Po]

Chaz Bono shows some spine. [CDL]

Who once ate McDonald’s three times in one day? [theBERRY]

Rihanna in Belfast. [Caught on Set]

Adrienne Curry thinks she’s all hot half-naked. [Celebrity Rant]

Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reyolds: did they have a huge fall-out? [Cele|bitchy]

What kind of asshole insures their tits for a million? [The Blemish]

Chris Brown having gay sex? [The Superficial]

I was hoping to stick another ‘l’ in there somewhere, but I lost ambition halfway through, much like I do whenever anything Lindsay comes up. I *almost* got excited, though, becaue in these pictures I didn’t detect a trace of illegal drugs, dirty bruises, drama, or drunkenness, and that, for Our Girl Lohan, is definitely a rarity. I like being privy to things that happen once in a blue moon, like Friday the 13ths, leap years, Hallie’s Comet, and Lohan sobriety, so I’m going to do it all up and count this as a special occasion.

What I am concerned about, however, is finding out the identity of the greaser taking Lindsay by the hand. Is that Kenickie? I mean, didn’t he die? Or am I witnessing yet another miracle via a resurrection of a deceased Grease star?

I double-dog dare you to watch this trailer and not get goosebumps or even choke up a little bit at least once. I’m really not exaggerating, either, when I say that this is probably going to be the best mainstream movie of the year, and the fact that the trailer features my absolute favorite U2 song and the feature itself stars my absolute favorite actor, only reinforces my surety that this is going to be a box office hit. I’ve got a good feeling about this film, friends, so spread the word. I mean, how can you not, especially after seeing this adorable little kid playing such a huge role, too?

Here’s Rainn Wilson as Xanthony O’Harbinger, author of the noted Dragonsingers of Kronn series. Boy, there sure were a lot of dweeby jokes embedded in just that one sentence.

Granted, it’s pretty impossible for O’Harbinger to sidestep comparisons to the metafictional Garth Marenghi. But more importantly, what is this video even for? I mean, it’s got to be a viral promotion for something. (I spend too much time on the Internet.)

Colin Meloy—of the Decemberists‘ fame—tweeted a link to the Rainn Wilson video, promising “more to come!” He included the hashtag #wildwoodbook; Wildwood is the first in Meloy’s anticipated Wildwood Chronicles series of children’s books. The books follow the main character, little Prue McKeel, into the Impassable Wilderness, a magical and uncharted forest located right on the outskirts of Portland, Oregon.

And with that, I’ve totally solved the mystery of this video, you guys! It’s part of a viral push for Colin Meloy’s series of fantastical kids’ books. Weeeeird.

Um, yeah. That’s the whole story. LeAnn Rimes is gross and thinks it’s ok to sit on urinals and take pictures and then put those pictures on Twitter, and that’s sad. Also, it’s kind of a slow morning, and when did we ever need an excuse to rag on good ol’ LeAnn?

I know, aren’t you surprised? But yes, it looks like it’s true: Lady Gaga worships the Dark Lord. We know this because just this past weekend, a housekeeper at a fancy London hotel that Gaga stayed in over the summer reported to Scotland Yard that during the superstar’s visit, she – what else? – left a whole bunch of blood in the bathtub. Classic Gaga!

Another fact? Well, it also turns out that “at the time of the incident Lady Gaga met with leaders of the Scottish Rite Freemasons, which is an organization known to be a link between the Illuminati and members of the British royal family.”

So basically, this whole post serves to remind you all that Lady Gaga isn’t just some annoying musician. No, she’s much more dangerous than that. She worships Satan, you guys. That blood that was found in the bathtub? I’m like 97% positive it was puppy blood. Illuminati! Devil worship! Sacrifices! Puppy blood!

Are you scared yet? No? Well, then here’s yet another “fashion film” from Lady Gaga that you might have missed in which she wiggles around as a mermaid and freaks me the hell out. If all the Satan business didn’t do it for you, this certainly will: