Meet Macy Armstrong. She’s 13 years old, she’s Canadian, and she’s pretty much James Franco’s biggest fan. She’s also a mighty talented fledgling artist—her favorite subject is James Franco, natch.

In a sense, Mr. Franco knows all about fan art: during TIFF proceedings on Sunday, Franco visited Toronto to discuss his own Gus Van Sant -inspired art installation, “Memories of Idaho.” (He himself was 13 when Van Sant’s My Own Private Idaho was in theaters.)

And that was when Mr. Franco spied our young heroine, Macy, in the crowd. She was wearing a homemade T-shirt (with Franco’s face emblazoned on it) and carrying a painting, a collage, and a portrait made of yarn (pictured).

“I was holding up my yarn poster for James to see,” Macy wrote afterward, “and he did! He smiled, pointed to it, and jokingly said he wanted to buy it. I just about died!”

Members of the audience giggled, but Mr. Franco wasn’t joking. He had recognized Macy’s work immediately. “I saw that one on the Internet, someone sent it to me,” he continued seriously. “I wanna buy those.”

And despite adorable reports to the contrary, Macy would like to point out that Mr. Franco did not “buy those”—she gave them to him for free! (“I would never make James Franco pay for something if I could help it!” Macy writes on her Tumblr.) Macy! Let James Franco buy your work if he wants to! He can afford it!

Mr. Franco also answered young Macy’s questions during Q&A. Since you were wondering about his cats, he flew Sammy and Zelda to Detroit, where he is filming Oz.

Mr. Franco left TIFF with all three pieces of art, including the collage below. It’s brilliant; it’s like a portrait of a teenage girl’s brain.

Some guy got what he thought was actor Terrence Howard‘s phone number. This story is already great, right? As if Terrence Howard is really the kind of guy you wanna tick off.

So one night in August, the guy’s girlfriend drunk-dialed the number. Her call went to voicemail, and she left a three-minute message professing her “undying love” to Mr. Howard. Alas, she had left the message on Terrence Howard’s wife’s voicemail. Mr. Howard was not amused.

The prank callers probably didn’t think Terrence Howard would call back, but he did. Did he ever.

Radar’s source—heretofore referred to as “some guy”—gave Radar the audio of Mr. Howard’s terrifying death threat. “If you call my wife again,” Mr. Howard says, “I’m going to come to your house and I’m going to cut your f—cking throat. Understand that. I’m gonna tell you this one time. You call my wife again, I’m going to kill you.”

Yikes.

But this is actually a really cute story in disguise! Last week, Mr. Howard called Radar’s source a second time, to apologize! (Here’s the audio.)

“I’m so sorry for calling you and speaking that way,” he says in the voicemail. “I thought you were somebody that’s been harassing my wife. Please forgive me.”

:(

Mr. Howard also text messaged the unnamed source, again emphasizing that his wife had believed she was receiving obscene texts from a serial harasser. “I responded with the protective nature that a husband has for his wife,” Mr. Howard SMS’d. “Forgive me for the anger, but as you are watching over your girlfriend, I too am devoted to my love.”

I think the real takeaway here is, try not to harass someone who already has a stalker. Or a big, muscly boyfriend.

If we’re being perfectly honest here, there is not a thing that Lea Michele can do to make herself tolerable, to me, at least. I don’t care for her attitude, I don’t care for her performances, and I really don’t care for her fashion sense. So what does this girl do? She goes and hits me where it hurts – ugly colorless dresses and stupid, stupid facial expressions.

Well played, Lea. Well played indeed.

Ha, ha! Just kidding! She isn’t sorry at all!

So one time, Madonna sat down with a bouquet of hydrangeas—to apologize to them, to stroke them affectionately, maybe to make them breakfast later.

“You have no idea how many nights I have lost,” Madonna mouths to the bouquet (it’s, uh, a silent movie), “thinking how I hurt you.” She coddles the hydrangeas a while longer, whispering sweet nothings into their delicate purple petals.

Suddenly, a twist! The music turns violent! So, you think Madonna is some kind of monster? Cast her as a villainess, will you? She’ll show you “monster”! A monster you want? A MONSTER YE SHALL RECEIVE! (That’s how I interpreted the music, anyway.) Madonna addresses the camera: “I still hate hydrangeas!” she pantomimes. “And I will always hate them!”

Madonna, in her best impersonation of “no wire hangers,” hurls the hydrangeas to the floor, cruelly tramples them, and storms off—visibly giggling.

She’s a cheeky little brat, isn’t she? Madge! Are you sure your publicist is doing his job?

No, no, don’t get up. Everything’s fine, Madge. Vitalii Sediuk, the self-described “Ukrainian TV person” you insulted, says he forgives you.

Boy, today sure has been weird.

I don’t know what’s happening to me! I think I just got… interested? In the Two and a Half Men reboot? Weird.

Anyway. Here’s the cast, lip-synching to the theme song “Manly Men”:

There is something magnetically awkward about the new cast dynamic. Do you feel it?

I like the little vocal switcheroo, what with giving Angus T. Jones the voice that once belonged to Charlie Sheen. Cognitive dissonance! That’s always funny! I think Angus’s deep voice might be a veiled joke about puberty, also.

And man, Jon Cryer is such a dork! He gave his “Oooohs” all this actorly decision-making and motivation and stuff. DERP. (The initial “Who the eff is this guy?” face he makes at Ashton Kutcher is pretty good, though.)

I think Ashton is supposed to strike us laydeez as “roguish” and “rugged,” but he really just comes off as a serial killer, y’know?

Ooh! That’s a good idea for a sitcom, though: Maybe Ashton ingratiates himself to Jon and Angus, moves into their home, then suddenly turns the house into the Manson Family. Right? Could this milquetoast sitcom suddenly go dark? Ha, ha, that would be a pretty funny way to Punk my mom, actually.

No, seriously, nothing like Sucker Punch or High School Musical - this movie has real actors in it like John Cusack (love love love) and Nicolas Cage (how this man is even allowed to act anymore, what with all of his weird drama is beyond me). The movie’s called The Frozen Ground, and it’s based on the true story of Alaskan serial killer Robert Hansen, who will be played by Cusack.

From Deadline:

Pic is based on true events surrounding Alaska’s most notorious serial predator, Robert Hansen. Cusack is playing Hansen, regarded in the community as a respected family man. In the span of 12 years, he abducted more than 24 women, flew them into the Alaskan wilderness, and hunted and murdered them. Hudgens will play the one teenage victim who escaped. When she returned to tell her story, nobody believed her. Cage will play the Alaskan State Trooper who finds her on the street. Together they work to bring Hansen to justice.

Sounds good, huh? Then again, anything with John Cusack is watchable to me. Will you guys give Vanessa a chance in her first big girl, real-life movie?