“People see me as this perfect Disney star, and the moment I put out a record that says ‘I’m not 11 years old anymore,’ people look down on me. Every 18-year-old explores sexuality and experiments and tries things. For me there’s no reason to change that. You have to be true to yourself.”
So. What’s the lesson we’ve learned about these kinds of statements, kids? Well, that they mean one of three things and we, as the public, are being prepared for the possibility of all three: Miley‘s either pregnant, has leaked photos coming out sometime soon, or has made a sex tape that’s going to shock the pop culture world. Me, I’m hoping it’s the sex tape. I just have a feeling that it’s going to be all S&M in a Deliverance sort of way, just with less clothes and more teeth.
I mean, it’s completely proven that it’s only a matter of time before her star completely skyrockets because of something like this. We’ve got the scientific proof, guys, and you can’t ignore the numbers:
You know, that movie with Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah that I told you about over a year ago? The one where these two ladies have to save that gospel choir? The one that I’m insanely, ridiculously excited about?
So should I be seeing you down at the movie theater or what?
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “of course Justin Bieber is a great boyfriend! With those foot massages and that good old-fashioned charm, how could he not be?!” And that’s a completely fair thought. You have a good point. But what I’m going to do is recount a recent date of Justin’s with Selena Gomez, and after you’re done swooning, you let me know how much more love you feel for The Biebz, all right?
Ok. Picture this. Justin takes you to this sweet concert: Demi Lovato, natch. And you love it, you have a great time jamming, and as you’re leaving the concert, you think to yourself “how could this night possibly get any better?” Then Justin gently slips his fingers through yours and mischievously whispers “come with me.” You feel a tingle down your spine, but you allow him to lead you to the Staples Center … but for what?
For a private screening of Titanic, that’s for what. Mothereffin’ Titanic. You jealous yet?
“It’s good to have a lot of once-in-a-lifetimes in your lifetime. If you get the chance to skydive, go skydiving. If you’re offered a part in a weird Shakespeare play in San Diego, slap on some tights and rock out some iambic pentameter. If you’re offered the opportunity to have a swastika painted on your ass, glitter on your nipples, and to simulate sex with a man and a woman behind a curtain, go for it… provided it’s ‘Cabaret’ on Broadway and not in some dude’s basement.”
Personally, I think anytime NPH tells you to do something, you should just shut your mouth and do it. You know how magical he is, right? And anyone as adorable as he is can’t possibly lead you astray. So if there’s something that you’ve been given a chance to do that you’re on the fence about, just follow Doogie’s lead and go for it! Just to get this trend started, I’m pretty sure that tonight’s the night that I’m finally going to splurge and get one of those fuzzy posters to color! Excitement!
Don’t forget to fill me in on what your plans are!
It just never stops with LeAnn, does it? She just gives and gives and gives, and if she’s going to be enough of a sweetheart to keep putting this hilarious nonsense out there, then I’m going to take it. I’d be crazy not to!
On what she’s gone through: “I’ve gone through it all, at a very young age. But I think one of my base accomplishments is that I have been able to handle it very well. Trust me I have my moments, but I’ve been doing it so long.”
On being an artist: “I’ve been one of the very few who have come through as a true artist as the other side of the child star kind of thing. I’m prouder of my work than I’ve ever been. I’m coming into my own as a true artist and not just a little girl with a big voice.”
On quitting: “There are always time when I want to get off the rollercoaster. I’m married to Eddie and I have two stepchildren. I don’t like being on the road and living out of a suitcase, it’s an interesting way to live and I’ve been doing it for so long. I think, like, ‘OK, I’m 29, I’m done.’ I say that for a week and then I’m ready to go back.”
On her infinite wisdom: “I feel like I have more to give now than I ever have. I have all the success and knowledge and wisdom behind me to be in a really cool place.”
This little interview brings up a lot of thought-provoking questions, doesn’t it? For instance, has there ever been a point where you considered LeAnn Rimes to be a true artist? Do you think she actually is in a “really cool place”? Does anything this girl ever says NOT make you throw up in your mouth a little? Let’s talk about the issues!
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