Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Read This: Mitch Hedberg’s Love Letter to Uni-ball, Manufacturer of Pens

Photo: It's so easy to become a member of the Mitch Hedberg Street Team!

Mitch Hedberg passed away in 2005, but he remains one of the best-loved comedians of the Oughts. His quirky observations, boyish shyness, and spoken syncopation lent his stand-up comedy an eccentric charm.

Here, via Hedberg’s official website (his wife Lynn continues to maintain it), is his letter to Uni-ball, praising their pens, promising his allegiance, and requesting Uni-ball’s sponsorship. His distinctive scrawl is a little, uh, blinding, so I took the liberty of reproducing the full text of Hedberg’s handwritten letter.

Uniball:

Hi….

I am writing to the makers of the Uniball “Gel Impact” pen. Unfortunately I am doing so with a Pilot P-500. As of this moment, I have yet to locate your magnificent pen in a store. As soon as I find one I will purchase one.

This is the deal….

I am a stand-up comedian. My name is Mitch Hedberg. I have been on ‘The Late Show with David Letterman’ six times. I have a 1/2 hour Comedy Central special that is played on the channel all the time. I’ve made a guest appearance on ‘That 70′s Show’ and I have a very very small role in the new Cameron Crowe film, ‘Almost Famous.’ I’ve done just about every cable comedy show around.

Right now I am on a tour in an RV with my wife. Our next stop is Raleigh, N.C.. One evening we pulled into a KOA to sleep. I had to fill out a registration slip and the security guy handed me one of your Gel Impact pens to do the job.

It was a very satisfying writing experience to say very little.

I would love to arrange a sponsorship deal with your company so I can plug the thing. I’d be so happy to wear a Uniball T-shirt on my next Letterman spot. I’d promote the pen any way possible.

I still handwrite most of my jokes. Perhaps I will type them more if Uniball unleashes a Gel Impact Keyboard. I use pens constantly. Your pen is it. I’ve tried buying expensive pens but none have lived up to the G.I.. So smooth and easy to control.

Is there anything we can do together? Would you be interested in co-sponsoring a tour? We could put a large banner across the back of the stage: “Gel Impact is responsible for the written versions of the jokes this comedian is saying.”

I’d be so proud.

Let me know what you think and thanks a ton for reading this.

My Pilot days are closing in.

Sincerely,
Mitch Hedberg

Photo: Mitch Hedberg's letter to Uni-ball

Above image via Buzzfeed.

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