A lot of times, I’m really bad at telling stories. Everyone who knows me knows this, and a really cute thing they do after I tell a completely inappropriate anecdote or screw up some otherwise ok story is go “cool story, bro” in this awful, condescending way that makes me feel ridiculous. And I bring this fact up because Nicolas Cage told a story down at that film festival in Toronto that I’m pretty certain deserved a collective “cool story, bro” from everyone in attendance:
“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed,” he told reporters on Wednesday.
“I know it sounds funny … but it was horrifying.”
A Fudgesicle is a frozen, ice cream-like snack.
Cage said the ordeal ended after he talked the man out of the house and police arrived. He did not press charges, as the man had mental problems, but Cage, who now lives in Nassau, Bahamas, said he could not stay in the house after that.
I absolutely love stories like this, and Nicolas Cage has got to be full of them. Wouldn’t you just love to spend a night at the bar with Nic, tossing back shots and shooting the breeze? I’d be all “hey, Nic, tell us about the fudgesicle again! Hey Nic, who’s buying the next round? Not you! HEY-O!” And that’s probably why Nicolas Cage and I are not friends.