I love Chaz Bono—I do—but this cannot be what Dancing with the Stars execs meant when they claimed they were only signing big, BIG stars to the show’s roster next season. Because, to be fair, Chaz’s only real claim to fame is having been born to Cher.

Still, TMZ reports that Bono will be a contestant in the new season of Dancing with the Stars—and yes, since you secretly are wondering, he’ll be coupled with a lady.

Last week, TMZ also reported that the Dancing with the Stars set is undergoing a dazzling $3 million makeover. So much for casting name-brand celebrities: It’s like buying Vera Wang dinnerware and then serving White Castle on it.

Is this normal? I think I go to the beach once, maybe twice a year, yet every photo I’ve ever seen of LeAnn Rimes has seemingly been of the country star either at the beach or poolside. That isn’t healthy, right?

Another thing that is utterly foreign to me: tassels on a bikini. (See them? They’re on her lower half.)

What are those, even? Is that an actual fashion trend? Do the tassels serve a legitimate function? Is there a danger of her pink skivvies randomly flying off her tiny body? Are the tassels themselves keeping her underoos tied on?

Maybe I ask too many questions.

Images via Radar

I grew up in a part of coastal Texas where they gave out “hurricane tracking maps” every year at all the local H-E-B grocery stores. Then, on the nightly news, the weathermen would give the coordinates of each new tropical storm, and you could follow along! Parts of my hometown are still in ruins from a hurricane that blew through before I was even alive.

I guess what I’m saying is, maybe this lady has the right idea. (No, what I’m really saying is, stay safe, East Coast.)

the VMA’s. one day a year when MTV pretends to still care about music. I’m drawing a line in the sand. f—ck you VMA’s.

I’ll admit that Adam Levine‘s tendency to mouth off—here, there, on Twitter, anywhere!—actually makes me like him a little more. But I’m not altogether sure that it’s a wise move to willfully get yourself blacklisted by MTV, seeing as you’re now a Career Music Judge, Mr. Adam Levine.

Unrelated: who’s thrilled about the return of The Sing-Off?! (That’s the show Adam Levine is not on.)

I get so sick and tired of celeb stories about breakups and skeeve (nude pic scandals, however, get a pass from me). Generally, I’d much rather read about heroicism. For instance: Harrison Ford making superhero rescues in his helicopter, Ryan Gosling breaking up brawls, or anything—just, like, anything—about Mighty Sean Bean. Stars! They’re occasionally nothing like us!

So here’s a nice one: Brad Pitt actually rescued a woman on the set of his new zombie flick, World War Z.

In one scene, a throng of extras was racing through the streets of Glasgow in a simulated panic, desperate to evade the encroaching zombie horde. One extra, in her hurry, ate it.

And once she was downed, she was in real, serious danger of being trampled to death in the melee.

The Scottish Sun‘s version of the story:

…Caring Brad grabbed her and hauled her back onto her feet.

The incident emerged as it was revealed that dozens of extras have suffered injuries including broken bones, cuts and bruises during filming.

Last night a set insider revealed: “It was total chaos as 700 extras were trying to get down the street […].

“Lots of people hurt themselves, and Brad came to the rescue of a woman who slipped. I don’t think she could believe it when Brad picked her up.

World War Z, the movie, is based on the Max Brooks novel of the same name. (Max Brooks is Mel Brooks’ son, of course—World War Z is the sequel to his satirical how-to manual, The Zombie Survival Guide.)

The apocalyptic zombie movie is slated for release—fittingly!—at the end of 2012.

Earlier this week, reports emerged that Minka Kelly split from her boyfriend of three years, handsome baseball dude Derek Jeter.

Now Page Six reports that the breakup came “out of left field” (their accidental pun! Not mine!), stunning even the couple’s closest friends. The report adds that Derek Jeter was none too happy with Minka Kelly’s Esquire photoshoot. (By all other accounts, of course, their split was “amicable.”)

But there’s one more wrinkle to the story, and his name is Ramon Rodriguez. The cutie-pie plays Bosley in Minka Kelly’s upcoming “Charlie’s Angels” reboot and, as People tells it, the co-stars have cultivated a “late-night friendship” on-set.

The pair is just friends, of course, probably, okay, sure—but my inner 13-year old thinks it’s awfully convenient that these two are reportedly so buddy-buddy all of a sudden.