Well, don’t I just feel hoodwinked. Yesterday I told you guys about how Amy Winehouse was in the process of adopting a 10-year-old girl. It seemed a little fishy at the time because the girl did already have parents and, as you guys pointed out too, who in their right mind would allow Amy to adopt a child in the state she was in? But you know me, I get real sensitive sometimes and emotions cloud my bullshit radar. But, lucky for me, Amy’s rep went ahead and cleared up this bizarre mess of a story.

“It’s not true,” the rep told TMZ. “I think [Amy] might have met her in St. Lucia, but she was in no way about to adopt her.”

And see, now this is sad in a different way, because it seems to indicate that some poor little family just made this whole thing up, or the original news outlet who reported the story made it up, and either way, I think people need to take a quick little break right now from making up sad stories about Amy Winehouse. There are already enough real ones to sort through, you know?

Are you guys hip to Kellan Lutz? You should be. He plays Edward Cullen‘s brother in the Twilight movies, and he is the douchiest douchebag to ever douche the earth. Are we all thinking about literally douching the earth now? I just want us to be together in this.

Ok, if you don’t care about Kellan Lutz, you will soon. Right after you read some highlights from this beautifully delusional interview:

On how he turned down Robert Pattinson’s role in Twilight: Yeah, I didn’t want to do it. I spent so much time filming in Africa, seven months, and that’s a long time to be away from your family and dogs. My agent wanted me to read for Edward and I read the script and thought that character was too depressing for me right now, I want to do something where I smile. I wanted to take a break from acting and I said that, I turned it down, I turned down the audition a couple of times. Ryan, my agent at the time really knew it was going to be a special project so he told me to read the role of Emmett, and I read it, it was only about four lines, but he was the big brother, the comedic relief and I fell in love with him. I said “Sure, I would love to play this type of role”. I auditioned, and long story short, here I am finishing the saga and Emmett is going to be in my heart forever.

On Twilight‘s crazy fans: I love the conventions that take me around the world, especially to the small cities and the small towns. To date, the most extreme one was the fan that brought handcuffs and wanted to handcuff me and bring me home. I was joking with her and said ‘Just lock me up and take me home’ and she yanks out some handcuffs and security had to step in. Now it is just amazing, I feel like the fans have matured with the books and the movies. It is still very extreme, but I feel like they are closer to us and that we are more human versus these characters. Now it is just fun hanging out with the fans. It is really fun to just meet them, if we are in the same location, just to hang out and talk over lunch, get a drink together, every one is really cool. I’m very fortunate to have such loving fans.

On roles he would enjoy: I would love to do He-man, he was a childhood favorite. I would love to play a superhero, Marvel or DC anything like that. I would have loved to do Captain America. I think Chris Evans was an amazing choice for it, and I can’t wait to see the movie. I would love to be someone that I grew up loving. Flash, Aquaman, Jonny Quest I loved. You know, I would love to play a Ninja Turtle or something like that, Michelangelo.

On people he would like to work with: Robert Redford, big time. I just think he’s a stud. Scorsese would be amazing! I’d love to do something with Leo [DiCaprio] and him. I’ve also wanted to play like a brother role to Matt Damon or Leo or something along those lines. I think it would be really fun and trivial. Bruce Willis would also be fun, I would love to be a part of the Die Hard movies.

You know, I don’t think I ask you guys for a lot, I really don’t, so please, if you could just do this one thing for me … please give me your consent to cover Kellan Lutz more. He’s so silly and so confused and, um, I guess he’d be attractive to some people. So can we just enjoy Kellan Lutz officially now, pretty please?

Well, in the 70′s. Somebody left a baby named Jolene in a box on Dolly Parton‘s doorstep in the 70′s. Which, personally, makes it about a zillion times more acceptable*. People were crazy back then, I hear.

Here’s the story, straight from Dolly herself:

“Years ago, when I first started being a big star, I had fans that were fanatical. It was when ‘Jolene’ was a big hit,” said Parton.

“We came home one day and there was a baby in a box at our gate with a note in it. The note said, ‘My name is Jolene, my momma has left me here and she wants you to have me’. Of course, we all freaked out!”

“It wasn’t like it was a kitten or a puppy dog. It was a baby named Jolene!”

Parton, who is due to play in Chicago on Thursday, said she contacted Human Services about the abandoned child and never knew what happened after authorities took the youngster away.

Really though, how flawless is Dolly Parton? I’ve always thought that, and now it turns out that she helped rescue poor little girls named Jolene in the 70′s. What can’t Dolly do? Where’s Dolly’s comic book?

*I’m kidding, of course. Don’t leave babies on doorsteps anytime.

Scenes from the new Batman movie. [The Superficial]

Al Pacino‘s daughter busted for DWI. [Bossip]

Pamela Anderson celebrates her birthday at a dark, dark nightclub – doesn’t look terribly awful. [Starpulse]

Who was Emma Watson making out with at the carnival? [Celebuzz]

What are the guys of Glee THINKING? [Socialite Life]

Amy Winehouse‘s rep addresses adoption rumors. [TMZ]

Could you fall in love with your best friend? [The Frisky]

Kings of Leon: over? [Cele|bitchy]

Helen Mirren named “Body of the Year”? [I'm Not Obsessed]

What story “haunted” Rachel Weisz? [Huff Po]

Who’s “too important” for Dancing With the Stars? [Bitten and Bound]

This cat really doesn’t like this mirror. [OMGBlog]

The best engagements gone wrong. [theBerry]

Tami Roman injured in a car accident. [Rumor Fix]

At least they’re fully clothed this time. And not thrusting their hips all thither, thither and yon again. It’s an improvement, on the whole, though I still don’t fully get where they’re trying to go with all of these music video parodies.

And also, why not just change their damn last names to Kardashian already anyway? The first names “Kylie” and “Kendall” just beg to be followed by the surname of “Kardashian.” Get on with the inevitable, ffs.

I know it probably sounds like I don’t like Kirsten, or I think she’s crap or whatever, but that’s not true. I actually really like Kirsten Dunst and I totally don’t think she’s crap at all. Did you see Jumanji? Interview With a Vampire? Elizabethtown? Those are just a few examples as to why Kirsten Dunst is just so fun and talented – and she’s also spot-on with her interviews. Take this excerpt from her upcoming feature in Elle UK‘s September issue.

On wanting the wrong guys in life:

“We all want the bad guy who doesn’t give you what you want. I did a lot of sitting in my car, listening to sad music, crying over boys.”

I mean COME ON. Who hasn’t been there at least once?

On her current boyfriend, Jason Boesel of Rilo Kiley:

“[Jason's] not into partying and it works. We have similar schedules: long periods of time off and periods of mad work. When I’ve finished work, I travel to be with him. It’s special.”

Yeah, definitely. One thing this girl totally needs to stay away from is the partying scene. We all know how that plays out each time.

On the depression she suffered back in 2008:

“I know what it’s like to lose yourself, to no longer know the difference between right or wrong.”

See? Spot-on every time. This is one chick that I wish nothing but the best for.

Are any of you closet Kiki fans?