Rihanna‘s drinking herself into a thick waistline. [The Superficial]

Anna Nicole Smith’s home is affordable. [Bossip]

Ryan Reynolds is definitely hooking up with Sandra Bullock. [Starpulse]

The details behind Charlie Sheen’s Two and a Half Men departure premiere. [TMZ]

Gwyneth is sleeping with who? [Lainey Gossip]

The most gorgeous photos of Jean Harlow. [LA Times]

The most bizarre things Angelina Jolie has ever said. [Socialite Life]

Kate Upton‘s unbelievable boobs in a magazine. [Yeeeah]

Ashley Greene is dating WHO!? [Rumor Fix]

Die Hard 5?? [Pajiba]

Kim Kardashian wearing see-through pants. [Amy Grindhouse]

Dianna Agron explains her (two) nosejobs. [Cele|bitchy]

MTV turns 30: the most memorable moments of three decades. [The Frisky]

I’m not going to judge (too) much, but how nuts is this photo? No one’s quite forgotten all of the crazy that Charlie engaged in after leaving Two and a Half Men, what with his coke suitcase and gonorrhea goddesses, and didn’t Brooke Mueller just relapse, like, a week ago? These two are definitely a match made in unstable addict hell, but nonetheless, they’re trying to unite and maintain “harmony” for the sake of their two, heartbreakingly adorable, young boys, and I’m not sure whether I should feel all warm and fuzzy because of it, or if I should go and call family services – like how a hundred other concerned citizens probably have at this point.

As for the kids, they look as confused and concerned over the whole thing as I feel. That’s got to be tough right there.

Image courtesy of TMZ

(Pictured: the Batmobile. Unpictured: an unmarked police car. Preemptive apologies for any misunderstandings.)

Over the weekend, some kid—loitering near the Pittsburgh set of The Dark Knight Rises, incidentally—decided to try to carjack a plainclothes police detective.

And how did our young criminal intend to mastermind this heist? Why, he simply opened the door, jumped into an unoccupied seat, and ordered the undercover detective out of his vehicle.

And then, according to the Associated Press (via Buzzfeed),

The officer drew his gun and ordered the suspect, 21-year-old Micah Calamosca, out of the car. He says the suspect told him he was part of filming for The Dark Knight Rises and that taking the vehicle was in the script.

Oh, in the script, you say? Smooth save.

And now, for the DVD bonus feature: As it just so happens, the police detective was, at that moment, on the lookout for someone matching Calamosca’s exact description. How nice, then, that the criminal hopped right into the police car.

I know there’s, like, different degrees of loserness, and Sam‘s got a lot of friggery to get ahead of Lindsay in this category, but she eeks a little bit closer and closer every day!

I’m not one to celebrate another’s misfortune (not that, you know, DUIs are a mere “misfortune”; it’s not as if she woke from a sleepless dream to say “Oops! OMG! I’m drunk and I’m driving! My bad!”) but being that I like(d) Lindsay a whole lot more than I like(d) Sam during their relationship, I am positively reveling in this news. Sam, though she seemed to try to help Lindsay on the path to sobriety during points in their relationship, always appeared very judgmental and holier-than-thou. “I’m Sam Ronson – look at my heroin arms and cancer patient haircut. I am one painfully sober bitch and I’m letting you know that I just barely tolerate you.” You know?

Also, Sam didn’t just get a DUI – she got a RECKLESS DUI. The reason she was pulled over to begin with was because she was speeding. It all went down somewhere outside of Las Vegas, where she’d been playing a show the previous night. She was pulled over at 10:30 the following morning with a BAC of .08.

Way to go, Sam. Hypocriticism looks super on you, girl.

I’m sorry, Jennifer Lopez. I’m really, really sorry. I’m not sure what I did, but I swear I will never do it again. Please, please stop looking at me like that.

Wait, what? This is just a wax figure? The Real JLo isn’t angry at me? Oh, thank God.

Madame Tussauds Hollywood “relaunched” their wax figure of Jennifer Lopez yesterday; even the replica looked annoyed about attending the event (via Idolator).

I’ve never known a time when Pamela Anderson was hot. I’m not sure if I was too young when Baywatch was big or, like, if I was alive or just didn’t care about boobs then or what, but to me, Pamela has always been a scary, trashy lady. And this little ensemble does nothing to change my mind.

The askew straps. The dumb shoes. The entire outfit. Nothing Pam is doing right here is working even a little bit. But you want to know what the worst part is? The crazy eyes. Look at those things. If you lean in real close, or enlarge your screen size or whatever, you can see all the troubles in the world. Who knows, maybe that one strap is falling down because she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. Regardless, Pam’s tale is a tragic one, and this tight little mess of lace doesn’t do anything to make it better.