It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!

We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!

The winner on last week’s Jon Voight photo: Lauren
“Attention MAKE-A-WISH Foundation: I said I wanted to go to DETROIT, not meet JON VOIGHT!”

First runner-up: Nomar
“Its a win-win situation. You do what I ask and I’ll get Angelina and Brad to adopt you. We both get happy endings.”

Second runner-up: James
“We took this photo of my hubby in the ER and when we had the pictures developed, this creepy dude appeared.”

Congrats to Lauren! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!

Katy Perry and hubby Russell Brand were just trying to take a nice, classy photograph together, when suddenly they were photobombed by the Biebs, who was sitting a row away at the 2011 VMAs.

Haw, haw! He’s so crazy-eyed! This actually makes me really like the little squirt.

NSFW! NSFW! Marilyn Manson was seen entering Chateau Marmont with a masked lady. The only reason this is news? The lady’s peekaboo Silvio Liu dress (NSFW! NSFW!), exposing a fuzzy merkin where her hoo-hah would be. Are these two going steady, do you think?

Manson’s date is none other than performance artist Narcissister, a professionally-trained dancer and “living mannequin” who is never photographed without her mask.

Now, I know lowbrow performance art strikes anyone who has to work for a living (read: anybody who is finally out of art school) as uselessly presumptuous, but this girl has some game. She recently appeared in a special, family-friendly performance on America’s Got Talent:

Jump in for (NSFW! NSFW!) photos of Narcissister with her date, Marilyn Manson, who seems uncharacteristically humiliated. And take a look at more of her work—if you’re so inclined—at Narcissister dot com (NSFW! NSFW!).

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What a magical day this is! One half of my very favorite couple has a birthday today! Courtney Stodden is 17 now, and we need to celebrate her like she deserves! My contribution to this monumental occasion? Why, a hilarious video of Courtney making silly faces and a few select Tweets, of course!

Celebrating the last night of being sweet-n-sexy 16 by wearing NOTHING but my tasty bday-suit! Mmm; Yummy! ;-)

While I lie beneath this sizzling-sun, the popsicle that I am sweetly sucking on begins to melt & drips irresistibly all over my moist body!

I desperately need to be locked up inside of a cage tonight because I am feeling wet… wild… and passionately frisky! Meeeowww! XO’s

Ooh, had a provocative evening last night in Hollywood. Awoke to yet another morning of sexual daylight desire. Mmm, today is gonna be hot!

Taking an invigorating stroll throughout the hot hills of Hollywood. I like it when I’m on top of them. It satisfies me. Meow! ;-)

As I soak up the last bit of heat out here on my sun-glazed patio in a cheeky bikini, my entire body IGNITES with desire for a steamy night!

While Doug prepares a delicious din-din, I arouse his appetite by shakin it on the kitchen counter to “Car Candy” … Just doin’ my job! ;-)

When is the world’s most talented 17-year-old writing a book, that’s what I want to know.

Have any of you seen this? Because I haven’t. Apparently this commercial for those shady energy shots premiered a couple of weeks ago, but it still needs to be officially shared.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love Jersey Shore? I’ve been rewatching it from the beginning because I’m sick so pretty much all I’ve felt like doing for the past little bit is lay in bed, catch you guys up on the world around us, hang out with my little guinea pig, and watch the uncensored episodes of Jersey Shore. And trust me, I feel like a queen for it.

But anyway, who’s going to buy these energy products based on Deena Cortese and her many talents?!

For a good long while, I (and I’m pretty sure everyone else around these parts) have been of the opinion that Miley Cyrus generally needs to class up, cover up, or just shut up. And while I have, on several occasions, stated that Miley needs to pray about dressing just a touch more conservatively, this business she wore to the VMAs is not at all what I had in mind.

It’s all about finding a happy medium, Miley. There’s a place between dressing like an actual prostitute and dressing like a Golden Girl, and you can find that place if only you look for it. I believe in you, sister.

Ok, ulterior motives: I’ve had this Miley Cyrus story for weeks that I’ve been dying to share, and now I finally have a chance. Ok, my brother-in-law’s mother died, and that was really sad, she was a really sweet lady and that part isn’t funny at all. But the rest of the entire family is all rednecks and meth, you know the type, and my brother-in-law’s sister is one of the worst. She’s about 40, has a handful of kids, and there’s some kind of drug addiction going on, and now you’re caught up. It turns out that, against her mother’s express wishes, she was planning on singing a song at the funeral. And I got all this information from my mother, who told me that she was going to sing a Miley Cyrus song. And I couldn’t help but laugh, because really? So I tried to figure out which song she was singing, and my mom goes “the chorus has something about butterflies, like butterflies flying away?”

For a good few weeks, I thought this lady was going to sing “Party in the U.S.A.” at her mother’s funeral before I figured out that Miley is just kind of unoriginal and has a much more fitting song called “Butterfly Fly Away.” But I was this close to knowing the most white trash tale that ever was, and that’s good enough for me.

But yeah, how ’bout that dress, huh?