I mean, some of you couldn’t blame her if she was trying, right? Some of you have really high opinions of what Brown’s got going on below the belt, I think. Anyway, according to Lindsay’s Twitter:

@ChrisBrown killed it. #MTVVMAs

Then, a few minutes later, she Tweeted:

@ChrisBrown wanna meet?

Chris Brown, so far, hasn’t responded, but maybe he sent her a direct message featuring his brown Chris. That apparently seals the deal for most women everywhere.

There’s a part of me that just sincerely died because I typed that. Not even because Tom Felton is the lesser-loved of the Harry Potter franchise (I rather like him, to be honest), but because there is a magazine out there called Da Man. Such a sorry state in which we live, friends.

Anyway, Tom took the cover of the most recent edition, where he talked about his career, his upbringing, and his future cinematic plans.

On how Tom feels about HP finally ending:

That’s kind of a strange feeling now that it finally has come to the end. It’s kind of what you’ve been looking forward to for the past five or six years [since the last book was published], I guess. It’s a very strange thing. But overall, we’re very excited and happy and the thing about this last film is that it’s a really great ending to the series of films.

On his new role in Rise of the Planet of the Apes:

The film is a very different and fresh look at the Planet of the Apes franchise. It’s a prequel; it gives an understanding of how everything happens. It’s really sort of a frank story where you have scientists testing various different trials on apes. But my character is a real piece of work. He actually makes Draco look very soft.

On being typecast as a Draco Malfoy-like bad boy:

I hope to embrace it [actually]. I think British actors have quite a good pedigree in playing villainous roles and they seem very happy. So, I hope to embrace it, rather than shake it.

On upcoming features:

… There’s two other films that we’ve already shot as well and they’re coming out probably next year. One, called From the Rough, which is an independent film that I shot in New Orleans earlier this year, was a lot of fun. Another one is called The Apparition, with Ashley Greene from Twilight and Sebastian Stan from Captain America. It was a very, very cool shoot and [the movie] is kind of sci-fi/thriller/horror. My character is an expert in supernatural scientific experiments. It was a very cool role to play and I’m very excited to see that film.

On who he’d like to work with in the future:

So many people. There are a lot of people that I’ve already worked with; I’d love to have the opportunity to work with David Yates again—the director of the last four Harry Potter films. He’s a real inspiration to me. In terms of directors: Guy Ritchie, Edward Zwick, James Cameron, [Martin] Scorsese … there’s a never-ending list of directors I’d like to work with. And as far as actors go, I don’t know, but people like Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins are the guys I’ve seen time and time again in so many different roles and I enjoy their acting.

He’s grown up so much from the pointy-faced Draco Malfoy, hasn’t he? He’s almost looking like a sober, hotter Eminem these days, and honestly, I’m excited to see what he brings forth. Emma and Daniel have set the example, Tom’s following, and now we just need to get Rupert off of his dead stoner ass and get moving!

From Page Six:

Shia LaBeouf was escorted out of the LA opening of The Box nightclub by security Friday night after a confrontation with a pal of shock rocker Marilyn Manson. The “Transformers” star “exchanged terse words with a friend of Manson’s, who lunged over the table at Shia, and Shia lunged back. Security stepped in quickly and broke it up before any punches were thrown,” a source at the party hosted by Belvedere Red told us, adding, “Two security guards led Shia out holding his hands behind his head. His girlfriend, Karolyn Pho, was clearly upset and ran down the stairs after them. Outside, he fell onto a barricade. Swearing, he picked himself up and ran off.” Despite numerous witnesses at the party, also attended by Jon Hamm, Lindsay Lohan and Chelsea Handler, Shia’s rep said: “[He] actually left the club early as planned … he went to see one of the bands performing in the showcase and left after they finished … exiting through a crowded room was apparently misinterpreted. No altercation occurred.”

We’re supposed to be surprised that Shia lunged at some Marilyn Manson cronie and then fell into a barricade? Why is this even news? Isn’t this, like, what he does (aside from sleeping with gorgeous women, which is a total head-scratcher in itself, and then blabbing about it)?

Well hell. Finally a reason to watch DWTS. Just when I thought I’d have to make up transparent excuses to take peeks at David Arquette‘s sure-to-be awkward rug-cutting skills, I have a VALID REASON TO WATCH.

… Oh, wait, what? You don’t know who Carson Kressley is? Well he’s the ultra-fabulous blonde man from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Yes, remember that show? I never really watched it, but I had a little crush on Carson. He was so sweet and funny and dramatic and I just adored him. Now you know.

Carson’s taking the place of yesterday’s forecast of Ryan O’Neal, which is good, because I hear no one likes him anyway.

Are you guys happy with the selection? Do any of you even watch this show, or is my mother-in-law the only one?

J Woww should really do something about that nose of hers, jeez. It looks almost natural. [The Superficial]

Somebody cast Amber Rose in a movie? [Bossip]

“Someone” is trying to buy the rights to the Kim Kardashian sex tape. [TMZ]

Pregnancy made Kendra feel disgusting. [Starpulse]

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel: officially back on? [Lainey Gossip]

Best and worst-dressed of the 2011 VMAs. [LA Times]

Gerard Butler‘s hooking up with WHO? [Socialite Life]

Lindsay Lohan refuses Pitbull’s apology. [Yeeeah]

Rihanna and Nicki Minaj in a new music video. [theBERRY]

Do you also miss Olivia Munn? [Pajiba]

LeAnn Rimes is completely obsessed with her husband’s ex-wife. [Amy Grindhouse]

Katy Perry and Russell Brand are on the rocks. [Cele|bitchy]

Michele Bachmann loves white people. [The Frisky]

It must really suck to be Angelina Jolie. All of the swanky magazine covers, and all of these adorable kids that follow her around and idolize her, and then you have that man of hers, Brad Pitt, who earns just as much as she does. Ugh. I just couldn’t imagine waking up to him morning after morning after morning, could you? Jeez. What a downer. Plus to be so wildly attractive and sought-after for films. What a bleak, awful existence.

Angelina was interviewed this time for Vanity Fair, where she talked about her fame, her family, and her future with Brad Pitt. On constant speculation of the star’s every move:

[Despite recent reports, Angelina Jolie assures Vanity Fair contributing editor Rich Cohen that there is “no secret wedding” in the works for her and Pitt.] “I’m not pregnant. I’m not adopting at the moment.”

On how writing and directing her own film (The Land of Blood and Honey) changes the way she views other directors:

“Brad thinks I’m going to be a nightmare. I had such a good experience he thinks I’m going to be impatient with directors, which I already am. I get impatient with people working on a film that have their head in their hands like it’s the most complicated thing in the world.”

On Brad’s “help” during the script-editing process:

“He’d come in and say what he liked or what he didn’t understand. Like any woman, I would listen to most of it and fight a few things. He’s been so supportive. But it’s hard to separate the person that loves you from the critic, so I don’t think he’s a fair judge. People will judge for themselves. I think if you make a good movie people walk away arguing.”

Here’s another photo from the shoot. I mean, isn’t this picture just awful?

See? Case and point. Poor, poor multi-talented, grossly gorgeous, and unfathomably blessed Angelina. What a life it must be, friends.