No, me either. But I heard Demi Lovato‘s performance at last night’s semi-finals round, and I am all about telling you today that girl’s got one serious set of pipes on her, no joke. Don’t believe me? Think that a defective Disney star can’t hold it down? Then watch the video if you haven’t already, I implore you.

“It’s [sex scenes] part of your job and we’re both professionals and we definitely pushed it to the end of the shoot. We took two weeks and shot all the scenes in bulk. I think that was wise. But there was nothing really sexy about it. We were in this bed, going, ‘Man I hope people think this is funny.’ For me, personally, watching sex scenes is awkward, so we thought it was a good opportunity for comedy. (They’re awkward) because you watch two people f**k. … I’m joking, I love watching sex – I’m a guy, so I like porn and sex scenes.”

See, boyfriend really had me going there for a second. I was like, “Wow, that’s a really brave, really innovative thing to say, Justin Timberlake,” and Jessica Biel? Well, she’s probably sitting at home, fretfully yanking out fistfuls of her hair saying “I thought he said porn made him uncomfortable!?!”

I mean, I completely have no doubts that’s how this is going today.

Doesn’t it seem that when a celebrity – who’s been kind of off-the-radar for awhile – stars in a few good movies all at once, at the tail-end of their whirlwind publicity pounce they end up having babies with their S.O.’s? I think that’s what’s going on here.

Jason Bateman and his wife, Amanda Anka (yes, the fabulous Paul Anka‘s daughter), have confirmed that their expecting their second child, and it’s another girl. The couple already has a 4 1/2 year-old daughter named Francesca.

Also, what’s with the baby boom of girls in Hollywood lately? Something in the water, perhaps? I mean, with the exception of Natalie Portman, it seems like every baby born in the past few months (and every expecting mom expecting) are girls.

Congratulations to the family!

For some reason, this horrible nightmare never seemed like a legitimate possibility. That wretched Lea Michele singing the words of the absolute master, David Bowie? It’s like kitten genocide: why would it even cross your mind? But that’s why things like this knock us down so hard, friends, because we don’t expect them. To quote the immortal words of Mad-Eye Moody, “constant vigilance!”

Glee butchered Bowie’s “Fashion” in order to promote Fashion’s Night Out, which, as far as I can tell, is just a big event to promote shopping. And that’s absolutely appalling to me, because not only did these people desecrate one of the purest forms of magic I’ve ever known, but they did it just to let people know that they should go shopping on September 8th because if they’re in a big enough city, they might get to meet a celebrity. And if this is what passes for a celebrity nowadays, bratty kids pissing all over good music, then I am not interested, not even a little bit.

It’s fun to get fired up over trivial things, isn’t it? But really, step off David Bowie. He’s too sacred.

Remember that precious giggle fit that Anderson Cooper had last week? You loved it, right? How could you not? Anderson Cooper is the most adorable man that the news world has ever known, and the only thing that could even possibly come close to his giggles is his explanation of his giggles:

“I don’t know what happened with the giggling. I mean, I’ve always giggled like a 13 year-old girl at a Justin Bieber meet and greet. There’s nothing I can do about it but I’ve never not been able to stop. I’m a little stunned by how many people have seen that video. I went to bed telling myself, ‘I doubt anyone will notice the giggle fit.’ I woke up and in the elevator the first thing my building super said to me was, ‘What’s wrong with your laugh?’ It could be worse: I could have a viral video in which I throw up on a guest or drunkenly eat a hamburger on a bathroom floor. Not that I’ve ever done either of those things. Not yet at least.”

Oh, Anderson. Never change.

This story has some of my very favorite things: Adele, cupcakes, and generosity. Sounds delightful, doesn’t it? That’s because it is.

Adele is heading out on tour in the UK on September 4th, and she wants to share her newly developed cupcake baking skills with her fans. She promised that she was “going to bake lots and lots and give them out,” adding that she won’t sell them because “I don’t think they’re that good – but they are good!”

Oh, Adele, you crazy, beautiful, gifted lady. Were I to receive a cupcake from you, I would encase it in glass to worship for the rest of my days. I know the more polite thing to do would probably be to enjoy it and applaud you for yet another gift, but I would surely be weeping from joy, and you know I’m not ever going to be That Girl who cries while eating.

We still love Adele, right?