Do you know what I just mistyped? “Sean Peen.” And then I couldn’t let it go without telling you, because it is the best of all my Freudian finger-slips this week.
Anyway, here’s a photo of Sean Peen, taking a stroll with his new lady, courtesy of People. Meh. We’ll know this relationship is serious once they’re photographed jogging together. (What? Oh.)
Why is this news, you ask? At first, I totally thought Sean Penn was already dating somebody new. Not so!
In fact, Sean Penn’s girlfriend has been misidentified as one Stacey Koplin for the last two months—her identity is now, at last, confirmed as 26-year-old Shannon Costello instead. (All together now: WHOOPS.) As People tells it, the pair met in 2009; young Miss Costello began working for Penn’s J/P Haitian Relief Organization last year.
Twenty-six! Twenty-six! Excuse me while I go crawl into my early grave.
Well, my brain just exploded. Of course, I’m on my all-new no-sugar, no-carbs diet, so any mention of hamburgers, hot dogs, or ex-New Kids on the Block makes me ravenous. Still, this is straight-up incredible news: Marky Mark and brother Donnie Wahlberg are opening a burger joint called Wahlburgers. Reportedly, every burger will come dressed in a tiny pair of Calvin Klein undies, with miniature abs carved into each individual bun. Just kidding! But that would be great if it were true, right?
The AV Club:
Next year the brothers also plan to open a pizzeria, which also doesn’t have an amusing name yet. Honestly, they sort of blew their wad with Wahlburgers. But surely you can imagine all sorts of hilarious Wahlberg-based menu items for them, such as the Hangin’ Tough Hanger Steak maybe, or the Marky Mark And The Funky Lunch Special, or Dirk Diggler’s Footlongs, or the Eyein’-My Lemon Drink, and then, if you ever get the chance to visit his restaurant, you can personally suggest them to a patiently smirking Mark Wahlberg while he stares at you like he wants to punch your face.
Oh Amber Rose. You know, I really, really don’t like you, but truly? I love your nudes. They’re tasteful and appropriately sexual and there is positively no doubt as to why your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. You’re like the Jackie O of nude photos – poised, respectable, and untouchable.
I never really got into the whole nineties R&B scene, but even I vividly remember the day (today, actually) that Aaliyah was killed in a plane crash in the Bahamas after filming a final video for song “Rock the Boat.” The pilot of the plane was found to have traces of cocaine in his system, and wasn’t professionally licensed.
Such a damn shame.
Not only was Aaliyah an undoubtedly talented vocalist and dancer, she had already begun the crossover to movies, and had starred in both Romeo Must Die and Queen of the Damned. She was also set to star in both Honey and two of the Matrix movies. Aaliyah was listed in Billboard as the tenth most successful R&B artists of the last twenty-five years, and the twenty-seventh most successful R&B artist of all time. All I know is that this girl was seriously on the highway to major, major success (like, Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston-like success), and to imagine where she might be today is, well … Really kind of sad.
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