Did you know that Dina Lohan wrote her very own script? Because she did! Her movie’s called Growing Defiant, and it’s “a hard look at the social pressures that can lead a kid in the wrong direction.” Oh, Lohans.

But you guys, the way that Dina is completely ripping off her own daughter’s life story isn’t even the best part! The best part is her “suggested cast list.” Ready?

According to the business plan, the actors she’ll go after include Dakota Fanning, Selena Gomez, Michael Cera, James Gandolfini, Susan Sarandon, Tina Fey, Amanda Seyfried, Hayden Panettiere, Emma Stone, and Mila Kunis … oh, and Michael Lohan, Jr. in the starring role of a heroin addict.

Impressive, right? But just so you don’t lose any sleep over it, little Junior is already signed. One down, the most delusional cast list ever to go! The only way she could get even a couple of these actors is if the movie was also about a holiday and, even then, she’d probably have to have at least a little talent to get things going, right?

Poor, poor Dina Lohan. But on the plus side, look at how much better she looks than Lindsay! That’s got to count for something!

Oh, Ashlee Simpson. This bitch gets on my last nerve, she really does. Really, anyone who has ever looked at Pete Wentz can tell that he’s been through enough, but no, Ashlee just keeps on and keeps on sucking that soul out of him, and her very latest tactic? Drunk dialing. Because everybody loves That Girl.

From Us Weekly via Celebitchy:

A source says [Ashlee Simpson], 26, recently placed an inebriated call to Pete Wentz, whom she’s divorcing. “Ashlee was telling Pete how much she misses him and wants him back,” says a pal of the bassist, 32. A rep for Simpson denies the call. And though the singer is dating Boardwalk Empire’s Vincent Piazza, the source says she’s so desperate to win Wentz back, she even asked his sis for help – with no luck. Says the pal, “He will never go back to her. He’s in a good place.”

We can all see Ashlee pulling this shit, right? Ugh. Honestly, I rarely get fed up with celebrities like this – for example, I’m not even remotely fed up with Lindsay Lohan, and you know how often I talk about that hot mess – but really, I have just had it up to here with the stories on this girl. How heartless do you have to be to keep doing awful things to your once husband and the father of your child who also happens to have this face?

On second thought, I don’t even care to know.

I’m going to make a bold statement. Are you ready? I think that Joseph Gordon-Levitt has the potential to be the next Ryan Gosling. You know what I mean? Of course, it’s not like Ryan Gosling is anywhere close to being over, I just think that when all the “Hey Girls” die down a little and he stops being Hollywood’s superhero, Joseph here could slip right in that void. Really, he’s that cute. Does anyone else see it?

Alternatively, if it’s too early to consider such a thing, you can just settle in and enjoy Joseph displaying his charm and one of his many talents. Enjoy!

“Marilyn was the beautiful bad girl in that tight, rose-colored dress. The character she played was strong and taking control, which I unconsciously knew at that young age [12] was a necessary quality for a woman. I can understand the photographer Bernard of Hollywood’s [Bruno Bernard] statement, ‘it took a superhuman effort to be Marilyn.’ I identify.

“People in their mind have created who I am and act as if there is no real person inside of me. Just like Marilyn. Marilyn never wanted to be just a celebrity. Neither do I … I had always thought that movie stars were in films that would last forever in your mind. But now the films don’t. I don’t want to be remembered as someone who just wanted to be photographed, who goes out at night, and gets in trouble.

“Heath Ledger once said to me, ‘It’s built you up to knock you down and that’s all it is.’ Marilyn said she had no foundation. But she said she was really working on it. I’ve been trying to do the same thing … I believe in myself and I’m a good actress.”

- Lindsay Lohan wrote a forward for a new Marilyn Monroe book, Marilyn: Intimate Exposures, and, predictably, made it all about Lindsay.

I don’t even get why Lindsay was asked to write a forward in the first place? Is it because of how often she tries to convince us that she’s as glamorous and as beloved as Marilyn Monroe? Is it because the drugs are really fueling her creativity? I don’t know, but either way, Lindsay needs to check herself.

To be fair, I’m not all that familiar with Marilyn Monroe – I know all the general things, I’m just not some Marilyn buff who could explain what, if anything, makes Lindsay think she’s on that level – but I do know one thing. In 50 years, ain’t NOBODY gonna be sporting a Lindsay Lohan tattoo … right?

Courteney looks pretty good, right? I mean, she’s 47, she’s been going through some stressful times, and this picture was taken right as she was leaving a dinner with her daughter and the husband she’s currently separated from, so we can cut her some slack for those bags under her eyes, right? Yeah, I think that would be nice of us.

What do you guys think? Does Courteney still have it, or has she definitely seen better days?

Image courtesy of Starpulse

Yeah, not this girl.

I still haven’t watched any of the seventh season, which hurts my heart, it really does, but when House actually got with Cuddy, I immediately lost interest, and from everything I’ve heard and everything I’ve read, I saved myself from a major shit show. But alas, the magical allure of Hugh Laurie calls to me constantly, and it will only be a matter of time before I suck it up and make my way through the last season. Sadly, I don’t think it’ll happen in time to see House be awesome and make friends in jail.

I know I’ve asked before, but this just tears me up inside: can someone please give me a reason to watch the last season, or this upcoming season, or anything past that beautiful first episode of the sixth season? If you can’t, can we just look back fondly on the first few seasons and remember the glory of bygone times?