PHOTOS: Selena Gomez takes “private pictures” while on vacation with Bieber. [The Superficial]

Has Jay-Z been cheating on Beyonce for the last ten years? [Bossip]

Who topped the Forbes’ Highest Paid list this year? [Starpulse]

Maria Shriver doesn’t want a talk show, probably wants … um, something else. [TMZ]

Now wait a damn second. Zac Efron is dating WHO? [Lainey Gossip]

Details: Adele‘s going to resume her tour. [Socialite Life]

Reese Witherspoon has a new tattoo … [Yeeeah]

Kim Kardashian bashes Casey Anthony lawyers … it’s too bad we all remember who her father is. [LA Times]

Johnny Depp is probably the richest actor in Hollywood. [Pajiba]

Did Justin Timberlake take Jessica Biel back? [Celebuzz]

Kimberly Stewart is HUGE. [Amy Grindhouse]

Is Twilight coming between Peter Facinelli and Jennie Garth? [Cele|bitchy]

How Liv Tyler gets into character. [The Frisky]

We know who January Jones‘ baby daddy is. [The Frisky]

Rachel Weisz shows off her wedding ring. [Rumor Fix]

Guess you know what this means: Selena‘s sick and tired of crucifying herself over that whole “corrupting a minor” thing and now she’s headed to the big time in order to find a real man that won’t damage her self-esteem and public image. Nah, I’m just kidding. Her boyfriend is Justin Bieber. There’s, like, no topping that, you know? The only thing that’d be hotter? Is if she started dating one of those young little Sprouse boys. … Oh, wait.

So apparently, the kind, kind folks over at Vanity Fair Italia took it upon themselves to bestow an opportunity for a cover and an interview with our girl Lindsay Lohan, and I have to tell you – the quotes are unbelievable. Seriously. Unbelievable in the “who the hell does she think she’s fooling” kind of way, but I suppose that’s one of the biggest pulls for Lindsay: she’s the only one who buys her own hype, so it’s almost part of her character. I mean, here. Here’s an example right here – the headline (in Italian, obvs) screams “Lindsay Lohan: What Harm Have I Done?” Alright? OK. Here’s more (mind the spotty Google translation, but bear in mind how amusing it’d be if Lindsay actually spoke in this broken dialect):

On protecting herself from intruders:

She pulls out a powder pink fur jacket and a gun: “I have a gun but it is empty, I keep it in case anyone tried to enter my house.”

And apparently children are her passion (?) these days:

“Finally I can leave home and begin immediately to pay the volunteer women’s community center which is located here in Los Angeles. It is a place where women can try to rebuild their lives. Too bad there are also children: I would like to work with them, they are my passion. “

On how the Gotti script was rewritten to accommodate her vast acting abilities:

“The script was rewritten to give more space to my character, Kim (the daughter of crime boss John) Barry Levinson is directing, is about to sign Al Pacino, John Travolta has already done it: he’ll be the star.”

Then there’s her biggest delusion of all – not “hurting” anyone but herself:

Jump in for the rest of the interview and exclusive photos.

(more…)

This is it. This is the Sheenpocalypse. We are now being engulfed in a deluge of Sheen.

- Yesterday, Comedy Central announced its “Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen.” It will star Charlie Sheen.

- The Roast is coincidentally scheduled to air the same day that Two and Half Men premieres with its new star, Ashton Kutcher. Huh.

- If anyone disses Brooke Mueller during this little Roast, she swears to God, she will sue his ever-living balls off, Charlie.

- Faygo-a-go-go! Charlie Sheen is slated to co-host, for one night and one night only, the 12th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos. (Don’t worry, Insane Clown Posse fans! You can catch Dustin Diamond another night.)

First of all, thanks to the commenter who recommended the name “Justifer,” which is not only a much sleeker celebrity-couple portmanteau than whatever I suggested (“JustAnisTin”) but contoured enough that any couple named Justin and Jennifer could use it.

Moving right along: This morning the Daily Mail has a 60-point headline screaming “Jennifer Aniston waves goodbye to Hollywood for a year as she turns love into a full time job.” That is just like the Daily Mail, isn’t it? Every headline is a bad film trailer, giving away the whole movie. (Also, the Daily Mail changed the headline three times. I’m not kidding.)

The article itself is supposed to be about Jennifer Aniston and her rumored upcoming yearlong Sabbatical of Loooove, during which she will reportedly be “a full-time girlfriend to new beau, Justin Theroux.” It sounds so desperate!

But the real roast beef is hidden in the middle of this article sandwich:

[Us Weekly] is reporting that … after Horrible Bosses and the October release of Wanderlust, the only thing on her schedule is developing The Goree Girls, her production company’s project about singers in a women’s prison.

Reluctant to take time away from Theroux, 42-year-old Aniston is keen for the Tropic Thunder and Iron Man 2 screenwriter to collaborate on the script with her.

“She’s impressed by his ability to find humor in dry material,” the source told Us.

Aha! This… this symbiotic romance suddenly makes a lot more sense to me, actually. Is Theroux going to rewrite Aniston’s screenplay?

Aniston had pitch-perfect comic timing in Office Space and The Good Girl, and despite the success of “Friends,” she is sorely underutilized as a dramedy talent. (Yes, it killed me to type that.) Her myriad cinematic mishaps go a long way only in proving that what Aniston needs, ugh, is a better writer on her side. In the meantime, every writer needs a patron.

NO THIS DOES NOT MEAN I APPROVE OF THIS PAIRING. I’m just saying, it does explain Jennifer Aniston’s new tattoo, kind of.

I loved Pink when she sang songs like “Don’t Let Me Get Me” and made me feel like less of an awkward, 12-year-old mess, and I love her now. And just when I thought I couldn’t love her any more, she goes and proves herself to be one of the most kickass moms in Hollywood. If you weren’t convinced yet, check out this precious interview:

On how she wanted her daughter to be born: “We watched Ricki Lake’s documentary The Business of Being Born early on. It was so enlightening and empowering. We took all kinds of classes and decided to work with midwives at The Sanctuary … I was really looking forward to the whole rite of passage — giving birth perfectly present, unmedicated, in the way nature intended.”

On what actually happened: “She was in the frank breech position, which is head up with her legs up by her head in a pike position. We tried everything to turn her around. Turns out this little girl had other plans — she is my daughter, after all. It all turned out perfectly in the end, even though it wasn’t what we intended, because she is healthy and happy and so am I. We’ll go for our natural birth next time, for sure.”

On her daughter, Willow Sage Hart, and her name: “The willow is my favorite tree. I grew up near one. It’s the most flexible tree in nature and nothing can break it  — no wind, no elements. It can bend and withstand anything. I love that sentiment. I want that for her. Sage is cleansing and sacred. And it sounded great together. It doesn’t hurt that her last name is Hart — flexible cleansed heart.”

On motherhood: “[Willow's] been amazing. Everyone gives you this terrifying picture of no sleep at all, bickering which leads to divorce … they made it sound like waterboarding. It’s not that bad! I think I’ve cried more than she has and that’s just because I’m emotional and a little nuts.”

On Carey Hart: “Carey is a natural. He calms her down like only my boob can,” Pink jokes, adding that the doting dad wakes for every feeding and diaper change. ”I knew when I met him he’d be a great father, but watching him fall in love, watching him nurture her, I’ve never been so in love with him in my life. He keeps thanking me for giving her to him. It’s a beautiful time.”

Seriously, how adorable can one family be?