“I personally cannot waste my energy fixating on the past and my past choices, regardless if they were good or bad choices … Learn to grow as a result of your choices, own and accept the responsibility of your choices and look forward because if you look back, what are you going to do, stab me? You’re just going to stab me forever and grow old.”

I’m sure if I sat and thought long and hard about what Nadya Suleman here was trying to say, I might be able to make some sort of sense out of it enough to agree with one of her words. Like, I don’t know, “grow” or something. Maybe even “choices.” Some of those words need to make sense, and perhaps – just possibly – if ordered in the right way, might give us some kind of indication as to what the hell this woman means.

Or, you know, not. Ever.

Snooki, doing a deep-throat. [The Superficial]

James Franco throws the Academy under the bus, says he’s funnier. [Lainey Gossip]

This is 50 Cent’s girlfriend. He apparently CAN get some. [Bossip]

Emma Watson finally feels like a true actress. [Starpulse]

Things get way out of hand on Springer. [LA Times]

New Sherlock Holmes posters. [Pajiba]

Gisele gets naked. [INFDaily]

Kris Jenner is a pimp. [Amy Grindhouse]

Texas woman fired for grey hair. [The Frisky]

Kim Kardashian does Marilyn Monroe. [Celebuzz]

David Beckham shows buttcheek. [Socialite Life]

Arnold hooking up with his baby mama. [TMZ]

Will Smith on MIIIB. [Caught on Set]

Miranda Kerr’s fragile body almost didn’t make it through labor. [Cele|bitchy]

Alicia Keys‘ adorable son. [ICYDK]

I’m going to give you just ONE HINT: it’s NOT LeAnn Rimes (she’s much, much thinner than this, duh), but a lot of you think this woman’s just as annoying. Me, I just don’t see what all the hype is about one way or the other. Take your guesses and jump in to find out.

(more…)

The idea of Mel Gibson looking like this and getting behind the wheel of his car is really frigging frightening. But perhaps even more frightening (if that’s at all possible) is the gnarly zombie hand that he’s got going on in most of these photos. What is that? Is he in the process of suffering a stroke? Is that why he’s lurching about, eager to get into the car? So that he can drive himself to the nearest hospital to seek immediate medical attention?

No, he’s just leaving a bar. Late, late at night. That always ends well. The zombie hand though? Totally can’t explain that one, sorry.

Entertainment Weekly demands to know, “Why, Rob Lowe? Why?!” and I can only echo this headline’s horror.

In mid-June I warned you that hot, hot Rob Lowe had been cast as then-55-year-old wife-killer Drew Peterson, who is comparatively, unsexily swollen. (I also accurately anticipated what Rob Lowe might look like in the role, and it wasn’t pretty.)

And here he is now, in 9 hours’ makeup, for his part in the upcoming made-for-TV movie Untouchable. Oh, my beloved Rob Lowe! Why? Why are you denigrating your own talent and good looks—especially your good looks—for Lifetime? Yes, Lifetime.

I said it in June, but I must reiterate: I cannot understand why they cast anybody but Dennis Farina as this mustachioed Chicagoland villain. AM I THE ONLY SANE PERSON LEFT?

Anthony Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin—who is so much more accomplished, intelligent, beautiful, and pregnant than her gross husband is—celebrated her first wedding anniversary with Mr. Twitdick this weekend. According to Page Six, the couple “looked very much in love as they dined with friends at Miami’s celebrity hot spot Prime 112 steakhouse on Saturday night.”

And on July 4, the couple reportedly “looked happy together” too! Please remember that Huma’s husband, then a New York congressional representative, tweeted and Facebooked his peen to any young gal who could bear to peek at it. Last month Weiner resigned over the scandal, and his seat is currently up for grabs.

Am I wrong, here? Am I wrong for expecting that Ms. Abedin would make like a tree and run as far away from Anthony Weiner as treely possible? Or is it totally admirable that Weiner’s wife is, erm, sticking it out?