Oh man, my first thought when I saw this was “You’ve just got to be kidding me.” All of the emotional turmoil I’ve been in over the last few days, knowing that the HP franchise was quickly drawing to a close, watching four days of a Harry Pottermarathon, Googling Potter-related recipes, buying advance tickets for the latest show, trying to reread all of the books by Friday in preparation for the inevitable … and then this gets thrown at me.
I’m three months pregnant and I KNOW my hormones are on the fritz as it is, but this was just NOT GOOD TIMING for Harry Potter to be dropping this memory-making shit on me, you know? I mean, excuse me while I go cry over my first-edition Philosopher’s Stone.
Me, I have just two questions: one, does anyone here watch that White Collar show – I’ve heard some pretty good things about it – and two, will I ever look at this woman and not automatically think “Kelly Kapowski“?
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address! (Oh, and check your email for your winner’s notice, too, OK?)
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s Tyra Banks photo: Tomatolove12
“John (thinking): PLEASE let her be wearing a flattering swimsuit this time.”
First runner-up: Sarah
“…and then Billy Bob walked up to Dwight Yoakam with that lawnmower blade, and….”
Second runner-up: Megan
“Oops! I dropped my burrito. Oh it’s in that guy’s pants. I’m just gonna bend down and grab this…”
Congrats to Tomatolove12! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!
I watched The Daily Show last night because, like many twentysomethings with short attention spans, I need Jon Stewart to report and interpret current events for me. And it was just the most. Ooh, you would’ve loved Denis Leary and his beautiful hair.
The very best bit came early in the episode when, in the midst of anchorperson Jon Stewart complaining about the state of our bedraggled nation, correspondent John Oliver miraculously appeared—umbrella in hand, in imitation of a certain magical English nanny—to promise Stewart, and all Americans, that Great Britain is in much deeper, much more debauched crap than we.
Oliver, with his darling wire-rimmed eyeglasses and moppet-hair and adorable accent, explains the whole sensational scandal with media impresario Rupert Murdoch and his News of the World tabloid. See, America? Don’t we feel better now?
Watch for the conclusion where John Oliver opens his umbrella, clambers onto Stewart’s newsdesk, and pantomimes “floating” away. It is super-cute. But also a ponderous indictment of gossip-mongering. Cute and horrible; that’s how I take my lumps, thank you.
Somewhere, somehow, somebody convinced a roomful of executives that a reboot of Dallas would be the ultimate in Exciting Television.
The Powerpoint presentation, probably:
“Good afternoon. We recently asked ourselves, ‘Selves, what dead franchise from the 1970s and ’80s can we reanimate?’ And then we began to wonder which dead careers we could reanimate, too.
“We believe we have finally solved those puzzles, and more. The TNT network has long sought an audience among the profitable, elusive demographic of elderly women (“boomers”) and also their granddaughters (“Millenials”), all while saving money. How better, then, than to cast cadaverous has-beens alongside a much younger generation of has-beens?
“That’s why we propose The New Adventures of Dallas. Larry Hagman’s Eyebrows will once again star as patriarch J.R. Ewing! And Step By Step‘s Patrick Duffy returns to the fold as J.R.’s brother, Bobby Ewing! As you can see from this promotional still, we also got the dead lady from Desperate Housewives.
“But maybe most importantly, the return of Dallas gives Jesse Metcalfe something—anything—to do. He’ll portray Bobby Ewing’s adopted son. And in the role of Obvious Rival, we hired actor Josh Henderson, who is wearing a big hat, which symbolizes that he is J.R. Ewing, only younger. Basically, we cast every budget player from Desperate Housewives we could afford. Look! Jordana Brewster!”
I would like to tell you that the term “retard” is very offensive to me. I am not offended because I ASSUME it would offend someone who has mental retardation. I am offened on how the word came to...
I am not offended that Rosie has a fear or anxiety of LP. I feel that when someone knows very little about things and or people they tend to be anxious. Think about it if you had never been around someone...
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