Octomom’s drunk lesbian birthday party. [The Superficial]

Am I the only one unaware that Michael Sheen has a long history of hooking up with amazingly-hot women and impregnating them? [Lainey Gossip]

Jennifer Love Hewitt: makeup-free and HOT. [Celebuzz]

Kris Jenner gets a facelift for the world to see. And is she bald? [Bossip]

PHOTOS – Kristen Stewart involved in a car accident. [Starpulse]

Jenna Fischer: still pregnant, totally adorable. [Cele|bitchy]

Stars strip down, wrestle in lingerie. Happy Friday! [Huff Po]

Unbelievable ESPY fashion. [The Frisky]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt goes bald. [The Frisky]

Who’s hotter: Amanda Seyfried or her dog? [Celebuzz]

What is going on with Jessica Alba‘s hair? [Yeeeah]

Lea Michele and Chris Colfer land a Glee spinoff. [Rumor Fix]

A cat says “Nom, nom, nom” while eating sour cream. Seriously. [INFDaily]

I still think Helen Mirren is one of the hottest, half-nude bitches ever. [Amy Grindhouse]

Kate Hudson and Matthew Bellamy name their kid after Chandler. [LA Times]

Cee-Lo Green wants to bang Pippa Middleton. [Bossip]

There once was a bachelor named Hugh Hefner,
Loved Holly Madison; then he left her.
Instead, got engaged to one Crystal Harris
And attended the premiere of An American in Paris. (Pictured.)

Their 60-year age gap caused titters, and jeers,
But did it cause, too, wedding jitters and fears?
Though Hef could see her affection had faltered,
He was nonetheless blindsided when dumped at the altar.

What follows is from Hef’s interview with Piers Morgan;
Makes Hef seem real sad—Harris, more like a gorgon.
I’d like to keep rhyming and steal all the glory,
But as the journalists say, “Let the quotes write the story”:

Hugh Hefner:

…As we got very close to the marriage, you know, something was not right. But I didn’t see it coming, I truly didn’t see it coming.

At last Crys admitted her feet had gone cold,
Hef recommended just putting the wedding on hold.
He thought he’d reassured her; he’d obviously failed,
Because, by next morning, their relation-Ship had sailed:

That was only half the story obviously, because the next morning [after our conversation], without my knowledge, she was packing the bags.

Though it’s crystal-clear Crystal just used him, then shoved him,
Hef maintains that she really, really, really did love him:

I think an argument could be made that she took me for a ride, but I must say, quite frankly, it was a pretty nice ride. If she was faking it, she did it very well.

In conclusion—because I can’t keep this up—poor Hef! I really believe both of them. I have faith that Hef was genuinely marrying for something that maybe felt a little like love, and I believe Harris was totally sincere when she said, “Are you kidding? It was all for publicity.” Man, did Hugh Hefner ever dodge a bullet.

CNN has the whole video clip here. In other news, Hugh Hefner is not dead.

Alicia Keys is a notoriously beautiful woman who NORMALLY has some pretty keen fashion sense, but girlfriend here was photographed wearing …. I don’t know what. Apparently the shortest, tightest, ROLL-UP jean shorts ever (I’m sorry, never a good idea on ANYONE; cuffed jean shorts? Please) coupled with gladiator sandals, all which make her legs look about a foot long.

Girl, I love you to pieces, and you’re gorgeous no matter what you wear, but this whole outfit here (gestures wildly)? Has just got to go.

Images courtesy of Splash News

I know we’re supposed to be all forgivey-forgivey in this life, but this? This picture of many young women all excited to skulk up to Chris Brown and have their photo taken? It really makes me scratch my head. Are we, as a society, so enamored and fascinated by celebrities that we’re willing to overlook absolutely everything that’s happened in the past (even OJ Simpson had his fans after his trial, and though I said I wouldn’t speak of this horrible bitch ever again, Casey Anthony‘s been receiving donations from male “admirers” since her verdict was reached)?

I know what Chris Brown did was supposedly small potatoes compared to the other two examples, and I know a lot of you guys are going to say “ugh, give it up, move on with your life, EVERYONE THAT’S ACTUALLY INVOLVED HAS,” but it’s stuff like this that really makes me shake my head. Maybe I’m of a different mindset than the young, unsuspecting girls in the photo above, but I’d be damned if I’d let go of my principles just to indulge a brief star-struck whim.

Have I “forgiven” Chris Brown? Nah, I guess not maybe. But I don’t matter in this thing. But do I think that having mindless adoration from people who don’t even know the real you may only encourage you to justify that kind of behavior: “Well maybe what I did actually wasn’t all that bad, maybe, was it?” And I? Well, I just don’t think that this dude is a very nice guy, even aside from the whole Rihanna thing.

Who knows. Maybe I’m talking out of my ass, but hey. That’s what these damned blogs are for.

Tabloid premiered at the IFC Center in New York a few nights ago, and everybody is freaking out over it.

And you should freak out, too, because this movie is maybe the Next Big Thing. You have to watch the trailer for Tabloid, below; you just have to. The video might not be safe for your workplace, not because of any single explicit thing, but because it hints at titillating, tantalizing, awesome subject matter. And then there’s its adorable whackjob star, Joyce McKinney.

Tabloid, the new documentary by Errol Morris, tells the incredible “true” story about Joyce McKinney, a wild-eyed beauty pageant queen who, in the 1970s, allegedly abducted a Mormon missionary, shackled him to a bed, and deflowered him for three long, sordid days. (And then again, it isn’t about that at all—it’s about the ensuing media frenzy, and about how we’ll never really know what happened.)

The premiere attracted kind of a weird crowd, including artists, hip young filmmakers, Spike Jonze, some actresses from Gossip Girl, and an unrecognizable Horatio Sanz. And according to Page Six, celebrities—especially the crazy blonde ones—seem to really identify with Joyce McKinney’s scandals.

At the premiere, Courtney Love told other audience members she had also been a recent victim of tabloid shenanigans. And, Page Six adds, Kirsten Dunst was overheard saying she wants to play Joyce McKinney in the inevitable bio-pic.

McKinney is reportedly basking in the audience’s response: “I gauge peoples’ reactions when I go to the screenings. …I still watch people’s faces as they come out, and I look at them and I think, ‘Well, are they being nice to me ’cause I’m a star? Or do they really know that I’m innocent, that I never raped a 300-pound Mormon?’ Am I still battling to clear my name? Yes, I feel I am.”

So Harry Potter opens in just a few short hours. Did you really think I’d let the entire day fritter away without, at the very least, TWO Harry Potter-related posts? Come on. You know me better than this!

Ralph Fiennes (oh so hot), who plays Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter movies, did a recent interview with Newsweek in which he defended his evil counterpart’s motives and talked about what goes on beneath Voldemort’s slit-nostriled facade.

Voldemort on Voldemort’s evilness:

“He’s a demonic spirit. He’s a satanic force.”

When Voldemort felt like Voldemort for the first time, even when Voldemort wasn’t sure that Voldemort wanted to play the role OF Voldemort:

“As it turned out, I very much had a part in the way he looked. I found little physicalities in the role, and something always happened when I put those long, flowing robes on. That’s when I felt Voldemort.”

On Voldemort’s … dentures:

“I don’t have the wand, but I did keep the very convincing dentures they made for me. They’re in a jar in my study.”

On his loneliness:

“As for his loneliness, I do understand it. I don’t think he’s ever had a love life. He doesn’t know what love is; it’s a language he doesn’t understand.”

On the evil that lurks in the hearts of those who play Voldemort:

“Sometimes kids would come to the set, and I could see them looking at me anxiously. I once walked past the young child of a script supervisor, and he burst into tears. I felt very good about myself.”

Wow. You know, I know he’s bad and stuff, but at the end of the day? I’d totally do Lord Voldemort. As long as he didn’t talk all that much: that raspy, high-pitched voice of his kind of turns me off.