It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address! (Oh, and check your email for your winner’s notice, too, OK?)

We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!

The winner on last week’s LeAnn Rimes photo: Andy
“I think its great that she lost all that weight. Now I can use her legs as toothpicks after I go down on her.”

First runner-up: Chuck
“My left hand is permanently cramped in this position ’cause he takes forever to come.”

Second runner-up: Harriet Meadow
“Oh my god, I’m so hungry.” “Leann, shut up and smile for the camera.” “Okay, just GIMME SOME OF THAT SAUSAGE!”

Congrats to Andy! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!

Plus, it sort of had a famous-person tie, for me, anyway: anytime I see some stupid asshole planking, I immediately think of Chris Brown, so there’s that, I suppose.

Can someone please explain this to me? Because frankly, I just don’t get it. Why is this even a thing?

This is, hands down, one of the funniest women going today. You mark my words, this lady’s going to go places and totally reinvent funny women in cinema.

McCarthy recently sat down and did a profile with GQ magazine, and her peers had a lot of flattering things to say about her, all of which sentiments I totally share:

Maya Rudolph: Honestly, I’ve always felt that Melissa is hands down one of the most incredible performers I’ve ever worked with. I’ve heard people over the years say, “I really like her on ‘Gilmore Girls.’ ” In the back of my mind, I was always saying, “Just you wait.” When we were making Bridesmaids, I secretly delighted in knowing that vintage McCarthy was about to be unleashed upon the world, and I was excited to tell the world, “Hold on to your ass.”

Word. Here’s the bit that actually made me laugh the frig out loud:

Paul Feig: In the bridal-salon scene, she hefts the couch: “Oh, that’s nice.” I remember just telling her to jump over it. She got stuck, but she just committed to the scene. [laughs] The scene [in which Megan, stricken with diarrhea, screams,] “Look away!” [from atop the bathroom sink] was in the script, but there was this whole thing she improvised where she’s suddenly screaming at the dress-shop owner, “Give me your fucking jacket!” She wanted to wipe her ass with the woman’s jacket.

Right, and the other bit that had me peeing, too:

Ben Falcone, “Air Marshal Jon”: Melissa will do anything to get a laugh. It’s pathological. Once [with the Groundlings] she had a sketch where this guy spurns her, and she gets so mad that she tries to pop these balloons she’s brought him. She couldn’t get one to pop, but she wasn’t going to lose. She finally head-butts the freaking thing, and it pops, and she smashes her face into the stage and breaks her nose. To this day she’s like, “Well, the audience liked it.”

So.  You guys onboard yet?

Jennifer Lopez’s new boyfriend sued for raping a minor. [The Superficial]

The balcony is his shower. Um, wow. [Lainey Gossip]

Lady Gaga’s craziest outfits of the last few days. [Celebuzz]

Alicia Keys on six-year-olds dancing like strippers. [Bossip]

Rachel Uchitel claims to have had sex with Elin Nordegren’s new boyfriend. [TMZ]

The kid that Lamar Odom’s car hit has died. [Starpulse]

The scariest goth-rocker in LA. [LA Times]

Top 10 tattooed celebrities - where’s Johnny Depp on the list? [Socialite Life]

First photos of Nick Lachey’s wedding. [Yeeeah]

Photos: Rihanna – no pants. [Celebuzz]

What was the first movie you saw in a theater? [Pajiba]

Crystal Harris never intended to wear this. [Amy Grindhouse]

Demi Lovato and Ryan Phillippe have been dating for two months? [Cele|bitchy]

Jesus appears on a Walmart receipt. [The Frisky]

Justin Bieber’s major attraction to Paige Conway. [Rumor Fix]

So it’s here! I mean, sort of. I know we’re probably going to wait at least another eight months or so for a real trailer, so I suppose we’ll just have to deal with the crumbs being thrown at us for now.

Incidentally, what’s with the whole “conclusion” thing? I mean, as if they’re ever going to stop making Batman movies? Come on. It’s just never going to happen. Unless the world really IS going to end sometime over the next eighteen months, that’s the only way I see The Dark Knight Rises being the “conclusion” to the series.

I have some depressing news. I don’t even know what to say, you guys. This is really difficult for me.

Betty White will not be attending the annual Marine Corps Ball.

I KNOW. I thought for sure Sgt. Ray Lewis had a lock on this, because his YouTube proposal was darling. But Ms. White has other commitments.

Still, her rejection letter was a class act. From Access Hollywood:

“I am deeply flattered and truly appreciate the invitation, as everyone knows I love a man in uniform… but unfortunately I cannot accept, as I will be taping an episode of Hot In Cleveland,” White said in a statement to Access Hollywood.

She signed her statement, “Love, Betty White.”

Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, however, will still accompany their respective dates to their respective balls as planned.

“Marines have a lot of balls,” Kunis said.

While Justin added, “We want to pay honor to our country and embrace their balls.”

In the meantime, Sgt. Lewis is disappointed but unruffled: “Fifteen minutes was great!” he tweeted.