How much do we love Kirstie Alley? She’s just so sassy nowadays! Even if she’s a little delusional or maybe stretches the truth a little about her weight loss, I don’t care. She looks great, she’s funny for days, and I love her.

Oh, and I don’t watch David Letterman‘s show or anything, but does he always fall just this side of douchey, or is this out of character for him?

I’ve always liked Maroon 5 a little bit, like I bought their first album when it came out because I dug “She Will Be Loved” (and I won’t pretend that I didn’t clap with joy and sing along enthusiastically when that song came on in the car a few weeks ago), so I guess I’ve always liked Adam Levine a little bit too. But then The Voice happened, and now I LOVE him. I still only listen to that one song, but I think Adam seems like a neat guy. And then he delivered this point of view on the paparazzi, and now I love him even more:

“It is a two-way street, and it is a two-way street in the (way) that you look at it. People want to be famous for some reason, for me, I wanted to be a successful singer, it had less to do with fame. If you’re going to be on television, if you’re going to be a singer, if you’re going to be an actor, there’s gonna be a lot of this that comes with it.

“A lot of people that start hating it, and when it starts consuming them and owning them, (most of the time) they brought it on themselves, sometimes that’s not the case, but to complain about it so passionately is irresponsible because there’s a lot of people with real problems. It’s nothing more than a pain in the ass. They don’t bother me, they don’t stalk me, they don’t stay outside of my house or anything.”

A-f’ing-men, Adam.  Amen.  I know that a lot of times the paparazzi can seem a little annoying and creepy, and of course stalking is never ok, but when people sign on to, oh, I don’t know, star in one of the biggest franchises in preteen girls’ hearts and then when they get hounded for interviews or photographs liken it to rape, that’s a little much for me. It’s not a secret how the media treats celebrities. It’s not a surprise.

On a lighter note, have you heard Maroon 5 do “Pure Imagination”? Perfection.

I know that, around these parts, everybody’s been real excited about Kim Kardashian‘s wedding. Even when you leave comments like “dear God, please please please never ever talk about the Kardashians ever again,” I know it’s just because you’re so torn inside because you can’t fathom the pure, all-encompassing love that you have for these people. And that’s why we’re soldiering on together.

Oh, and despite what I told you earlier, Kim and her man aren’t getting married on Halloween – the date is August 20th. So jot that down on your calendars, and get those tissues ready, because forget William and Kate, THIS is the wedding of the century.

Earlier this week, I was down at the mall, and in one of the store windows, I saw a onesie. For real. And no, it wasn’t at Baby Gap or Gymboree, not at all, it was at the Forever 21. A onesie. For an adult. This kind of thing has got to stop. Rompers need an age limit, Ashley Greene needs to fade into even more obscurity, and I need a drink.

Buckle in, everybody, it’s going to be a real fun weekend.

Can I tell you guys something that’s just going to blow your mind? Lindsay Lohan
and Paris Hilton have a total of seven mugshots between the two of them. Isn’t that just unfathomable?

I had a whole slew of presumably witty things to say about this entire ordeal, but the fact of seven mugshots between two of the trashiest women in Hollywood – hanging out together! Embracing! Merrily consuming libations! – has got me so thrown that I don’t even know what to say. The combined powers of Lindsay and Paris has rendered me speechless, probably for the first time in my life.

“He had a rough childhood, so to see what he’s become from there, it’s amazing. That’s why I wanted the picture of him as a child, to capture that certain innocence. It was good having him beside me while we finished. The tattoo is a way of him recognizing somebody loves him.”

Kat Von D, on the topic of her most recent tattoo – a rendering of her ex-boyfriend’s face as a child. I mean, I’m not going to touch the “[amazing] to see what he’s become from there part,” because I don’t want to turn this post into a rude one out of respect for someone who’s apparently hurting over something that someone did (even though it’s not, you know, entirely surprising, based on the history there), but it’s sad to see that Von D is so publicly grieving her relationship with Jesse. Her pain, though incomprehensible, is evidently real, and that just further reinforces my idea of Jesse James as a total toolkitting, douche-nozzling waste of skin and teeth.