Trust me, I know how much you love that picture of Lindsay. And believe you me, I’m going to do anything in my power to use this picture as much as possible. For you.

It’s been a minute since we’ve heard about a good Lindsay Lohan debacle, so let’s just kick back and let Radar tell us a cozy little tale, shall we?

The troubled starlet began her night at Chateau Marmont, and then headed over to Palihouse hotel where her friend, aspiring actor/writer Michael Donegar hosted a party to celebrate his 25th birthday.

She ended the night crying, screaming and “barely able to walk,” our eyewitness says.

“Lindsay looked great when she showed up at Palihouse, and ordered cranberry juice from the waitress,” the source tells us.

“I was like ‘Who’s that gorgeous girl,’ and then I realized it was Lindsay. She was definitely sober when she showed up but as the night went on she got sloppier and sloppier.

“Everyone at the table was drinking lemon drop shots and there were two bottle of Kettle One vodka on the table. She ordered two martinis from the waitress, but she said they were for a friend. So the waitress brought them out and handed them to her.  One of the other girls shot the waitress a look and shook her head as if to say ‘Don’t give that to her.’

“But Lindsay took them any way and took a big gulp out of one of them. About 10 minutes later she did a shot of vodka.”

Lohan was with two-time Survivor contestant Oscar Lusth, and Lindsay got more than a little upset when she thought he was flirting with another woman.

“She yelled at him to ‘Stop flirting with everyone’!” the source says.

“A guy sitting on the other side of her poured himself a vodka on the rocks and I saw her take two sips out of it. But she was really careful to only order juice from the staff,” the source observed.

“By 2 am, she could barely stand. She was trying to stabilize herself on the chairs. Then she made it over to the curtains and hung on them. The manager saw this and went over and helped her stand up,” the eyewitness says.

“She was really nice to the manager. She kept saying, ‘Thank you. All my friend left me.’ Then she picked up her phone and started screaming ‘Every body left me! Why did everyone leave me? Where are you?’”

Man. If this isn’t classic Lindsay then I don’t know what is. And honestly, I imagine it must be really sad when vodka and tears taste like home.

Oh, just something really sparkly and totally literal? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Cool.

Is anyone here truly a fan of Katy Perry and her fashion choices? Like, seriously. Can someone sincerely say from the depths of the heart that they love and adore Katy Perry for all that she is? Because I would be really interested in having a calm, goodhearted conversation with that person.

Hey, friends! It’s been a hot minute since we last spoke, hasn’t it? And, you know, sometimes friends have to reconnect after a little time apart, and just catch up on what’s gone on in their lives. So what’s new?

Oh, me? Yeah, I’ve just been watching this video of Taylor Swift do another one of her famous covers and hating myself for thinking that she looks so adorable. Also I’m trying to stay in the present, because I don’t know if this is just for girls around my age from Tennessee or what, but I’ll be damned if this song doesn’t catapult me back to my 8th grade talent show. Every bitch who thought she had a voice wanted to do this “Cowboy Take Me Away” bullshit.

Now you tell me about you, lovelies!

Kristin Cavallari: dumped. [The Superficial]

Brooklyn Decker’s BABY BUMP. [Celebuzz]

Lauryn Hill gives birth to baby number six. [Bossip]

Pink looking so hot on a motorcycle. [Starpulse]

So, wait now. The Glee kids aren’t leaving? [Celebuzz]

Photos of Jennifer Lopez partying in a skimpy bikini. [Socialite Life]

Leighton Meester is one trashy bitch. [TMZ]

Getting laid: it makes Mondays better. [TMZ]

Amy Winehouse’s autopsy comes back inconclusive. [Cele|bitchy]

Mariah Carey’s insane HSN appearance. [Socialite Life]

Justin Timberlake was hoping to fall in love with Amanda Seyfried. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Amy Winehouse‘s sad last moments with mom. [Huff Po]

Are the Eagles picking up Brett Favre? [Bitten and Bound]

Is Snooki doing Dancing With the Stars? [Rumor Fix]

Funniest thing all day: diver expressions. [OMGBlog]

Avril Lavigne debuts her Spring 2012 fashion line – and it sucks as hard as you thought it would. [theBerry]

Lindsay Lohan – absolutely, positively wasted. Again. [Popbytes]

Is this a clever ploy at trying to reinvent himself now that his ex-girlfriend, Jennifer Lopez, is back on the market? Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective) for Jennifer Garner, no. Ben‘s latest look is for a new CIA movie that he’s co-starring in with John Goodman, Alan Arkin, and Bryan Cranston. Probably, anyway. It’s the only way I can actually explain someone like Ben Affleck intentionally doing something this heinous to his hair.

Yesterday afternoon, Vulture published the single funniest headline I’ve ever seen outside of the Onion (“Dave Chappelle Tells One Joke at Charity Event, Proceeds to Stare Down Audience”). Chappelle’s awkward 53-minute set was hosted as part of ex-NBA player Alonzo Mourning’s Summer Groove charity gala Friday night. The set bombed, and CNN analyst Roland S. Martin sat in the audience, livetweeting the whole mess.

Dave Chappelle somehow saw, and recognized, the CNN analyst in the crowd. “…Dave started talking to me, asking if I was putting this on CNN. Yes, from the stage!” Martin tweeted. He continued, “He’s been on stage 46 minutes & told one joke.”

And since you were wondering, no. No, Dave Chappelle wasn’t on drugs or anything, as Martin was quick to point out in his tweets. And it wasn’t as if Chappelle weren’t self-aware during his own performance; in fact, he reportedly remarked on how hard he was bombing with the audience as it was happening: “I’ve been onstage more than 40 minutes. I’ve only told one joke. The audience has told 38 jokes. F—-ing fantastic.”

Apparently, Chappelle was disgruntled because audience members in the front row repeatedly chimed in during the opening three minutes of his act. But instead of killing his hecklers with comedy, Chappelle just kind of… tried to wait the audience out?

Not only that, Chappelle received four text messages during the show “and actually checked them,” Martin livetweeted. Finally, Chappelle was booed off the stage.

Yesterday, Chappelle returned to the Seminole Hard Rock stage in support of the same charity event. There, he apologized for his “bad attitude” the night before, and this time delivered a shorter—and funnier—10-minute routine.

I honestly feel bad for Dave Chappelle, and I don’t think he owes anyone an apology. It is little surprise he was so easily ruffled, because he’s avoided the limelight for literally years now—his mellow crowd banter has been temporarily displaced, it seems, by a help-help-I’m-out-of-practice panic.

But turning his ire into 50 minutes of just standing there, glowering? It’s kind of genius. Tedium has always been a cornerstone of edgy comedy.

After the cut, a 3-minute video clip from the beginning of Friday’s show: Right off the bat, Chappelle is obviously uncomfortable with the crowd’s enthusiastic interruptions. Near the end of the clip, Chappelle begins to castigate an audience member for “filming the whole thing on a camera-phone.” Yep. The audience turned on him soon after.

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