Today has been a super downer: the universe has once again grown frowzy, it seems.
So let us self-medicate with Celebrity Gossip’s shallowest-working salve, the “Blind Item.” (I’m totally a doctor! Like, a smut pharmacist! A philanthropist, even! You’re welcome.)
Below are four Blind Items, prescribed to soothe.
These sibling stars that started out as child actors are so jealous to compete with one another for roles that their relationship is completely ruined. One is getting more parts than the other and that has been the cause of the rift. The one that isn’t as successful is developing a drug problem. Very sad.
Oh, gosh, I hope this isn’t the Fanning sisters. Ooh! Ooh! What about Jesse and Hallie Eisenberg? No, that can’t be right.
I just got the giggles picturing Tia and Tamera Mowry, though: “God, Tia! Why do you always have to be right about everything!!” *shoots up* (OK, I wrote that last night; it’s less funny today. Frowzy.)
Actually, if this Item were about Jeremy and Jason London, it wouldn’t even be blind. Jason’s always like, “Jeremy Who?” while Jeremy’s always, like, in Tijuana. Sad, indeed.
This actress is probably a B-. You would all know her, but whenever she gets a lead in something it always fails. In supporting roles though it seems like she is in every movie and television show. She is everywhere. She is also getting a little bit older. That does not mean she is not still gorgeous, because she is. Apparently though, she loves her teens though because the guy she was spotted making out with and grabbing his ass, just turned 18. Hey, it’s legal and it is not like a guy would not do the same thing.
LOVE. This has Heather Graham written all over it! Not much of a scandal, here, since she passes for 26. Work those genetic lottery winnings, sister! Work!
Another from Buzz:
This barely-legal actress that parties with this [wild, young] crowd has just started to break out into the movie business but her name is pretty well known, especially in the Indy crowd. She apparently claims she was impregnated by her B+/B List costar when the two worked together on a film and was heavily persuaded by both the costar and members of his camp to abort the pregnancy immediately, to which she did. She is apparently quite bitter but using the story as leverage to get more parts with which this actor has some sway.
Thank goodness Carey Mulligan is a little too “legal” for this Item, or else I’d cry. Someone like Daveigh Chase, maybe? Oh, I’m way too old to think up good guesses. Who do you think it is, youngsters? I need your insouciant acumen.
Here’s a longwinded one from chatty Ted Casablanca:
And people say “Possum Santana” can’t act!
Poor, poor Possum. She never really does very well in the movies, as the flicks she stars in rarely do huge box-office numbers, and they almost always get lethal reviews. But Possum is an awfully pretty girl, sure as hell (despite what seem like a million nervous personal twitches). Not to mention she’s got a man who’s done his best to stick by her sometimes loca side.
Too bad, then, that Possum decided to…
Cheat on her loyal husband with some pretty-boy type! So fun, but so stupid in the long run.
Because you know why? Pretty boy’s already done with Possum, who didn’t think this whole thing through—at least, not financially speaking.
And she didn’t think through how it’d play out in the court of public opinion either!
Let’s be honest: Possum’s hubby was a total loser and a bore despite the fact that he was loyal. But she should have been much smarter about it, because now it looks like she’s the one who’s more in the wrong because, well, she is.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, it’s really a shame Possum doesn’t know how to be more discreet. Because, you know that wave of sympathy Possum’s enjoyed so far, regarding the “sad” break-up of her marriage.
OK. If you “know” Ted, you know he releases Blinds to coincide with topical events. So while this sounds like the JLo/Marc Anthony situation, it probably isn’t.
Alternate guesses? Anyone? I look forward to your ideas, because I am fresh out.